TheAyeshaSite

I have been working at Mercer County Community College for over 3 years. I like my job. I am a Mentor for the DREAM program. I work with young adults with developmental disabilities. I have developed a rapport with my Mentees and they seem to feel comfortable with me and the other mentors. I like my co-workers. I really enjoy working there. I find myself smiling and looking forward to going to work. The semester is going to be over in about a month. Today was a good day.

The past overwhelms me sometimes. I think of my elderly relatives and family members. I think of my mother. I think of loved ones I lost over the years. It’s hard sometimes. It overwhelms me sometimes. I plan to visit family in Brooklyn soon. I love my family members. I like knowing they all love me even if they can’t support me. I work. I plan to call a few family members this weekend and just catch up. I friended a lot of my family members on Facebook. My cousin Desiree posted a pretty childhood photo of my mother. I feel happier. I think sometimes when I remind myself that I’m okay I need to say my prayers too.

I know sometimes even when I say I see sunny or I see the glass as half full being my choice it is never easy. I need to take it day by day and just know that God walks with me and God cares about me. I make all of my own choices. I don’t need to worry. I am the one who chooses what I do. Choices I make are up to me. I feel like even when I say your life is the sum of the choices you make from your 18th birthday that will suffice.

I am on the internet and that is so cool and fun. One time when I went to go visit my chiropractor and he called me Internet Ayesha I thought that sounds nice and since then it stuck. I kind of feel like that’s cool now that I have a social media presence. The Internet is very cool. I know these will be things that will always make me smile when I feel down. Thanks again to all of my fellow bloggers for giving me this honor. I’m thinking about what I might post in a few days.

Your life is the sum of your choices. I remember my childhood it wasn’t the best childhood but I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. I remember many happy days. I was bullied but I did well and I graduated from a 4-year college and I feel fine. I don’t think about it anymore . I remember my mother. I remember my father. I remember my grandmother. I remember my grandfather Randy. I remember my great aunt Elaine. I remember my great aunt Sybil. I remember my great aunt Veronica. I remember my great uncle Johnny who died when I was 12 years old. I remember how nice graduation day was and what an accomplishment that was for me at age 34 in May of 2015. I remember picking up my diploma the following October. I thank God I had the support of my family. I feel good about where I am. Many times I chose to procrastinate but I think you have to choose to say this is what I had. This is how I am honest about what my experience was really like not something that might sound better if you fudge or embellish the truth.

I know sometimes being honest with yourself is hard but I highly recommend it to others. I always try to be honest with myself even when things are not easy for me I am always honest with myself and others. I see now why people appreciate honesty over lip service.

if you talk about my name never say how to spell in a Spelling Bee. Like saying wow hey honey bee a honey be honey dew.

Things I like and thangs I kind like.

I think sometimes about Joan Diddion and P Diddy. I think about sunflowers and some of the sunflowers and my selfies on my cell phone and the decibels in headphones. I think about alot of things but not death and dying. Never the law. Never the legal city limits for people pushing me. I like Marianne Williamson. She is one of the 2020 presidential hopefuls. I love libraries. I love public places. I like things that are harder than hard core pornography with graph paper teaching people things in grade school just to feel like an adult and a child and saying and your lovely handwriting my dear. God would understand. 14 is a nice number too.

I try to focus on the positives in my story. I don’t think it’s good to go through your life looking at only certain people as having everything. I try to say I have had a lot of cool opportunities come my way. I see the people who gave me the opportunities I’ve had to be special people but my blessings to have come from God. I know everyone believes a little different but I have really had some cool opportunities come my way after my 30th birthday and I feel really blessed to have grown comfortable being myself from the shy awkward girl I was when I was 10 or 11 years old. I’ve come a long way and I want to honor my story in the way I tell it. I was a cute little girl. I have always been pleasant and friendly. My 30s are going really well. I feel better about myself than I ever have. I know God is always there and that He knows me and loves me. I don’t have feelings of anger toward anyone. I just feel so free to be myself. I know some of the things that I would have thought would gain power over me or caused me to have conflicts don’t anymore.