I am for relationships in my future.

I want to be able to form and keep friendships I was able to form over the years with friends I have at NAMI Mercer NJ who also struggle with their difficult mental illness. I have been working since January 2016. I am back to work this September 2019. I will be working this semester. I also plan to retest for the Praxis Core Reading test next January 2020. Early in January I plan to retest and take the core reading test for the second time. I may try a third time to see if I pass. I may be able to pass this second time. I’m studying the Barron’s Praxis Core Exams and I will be studying it for the rest of this year. Early January 2020 is retest.

I discovered Alicia Keys in a music therapy group when I was at St. Francis Medical Center on the Psychiatric unit in Trenton, New Jersey back in the 2000s.

I really like Alicia Keys. I am around her age. I’m 38. I love singer/songwriters. I feel like they are cool for singing and especially if they are like Alicia and have fifteen Grammy awards and write their own songs. I like her music. I love how she plays the piano. She is so cool and she seems to be down to earth. I like how in one of her music videos she has on a nice outfit playing the piano. She has a Yamaha piano too. To be a pianist is something very cool and to write your own songs. I just like and admire Alicia Keys so much.

I had a health scare.

I was hospitalized for blood clots in my lungs and I was having anxiety too. I have been up since 7 am. I am going to be working on my writing. I am taking a course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I am half way through my course. I need to work on my assignments and make them better. I will be in the library from 10 am to noon. Then I’m just going to chill until 12:30 pm a friend is picking me up and we’re going bowling and getting pizza.

I am so happy I am working at my alma mater as a Mentor.

I am happy to be able to help my Mentees. Some of them are African American and I work at Mercer. I try to be helpful to all of my Mentees. Some of them are Caucasian and others are Hispanic. They are all very nice and I have been able to connect with almost all of them. Sometimes when I meet a new Mentee at the beginning of the semester I introduce myself to them to familiarize myself with their names as well.

I am excited to be getting great feedback from my writing instructors at The Institute of Children’s Lit.

I really like Writing for Children. I find I enjoy writing for children. Once a man told me he thought I may have a little career writing for children. The words blew me away but ever since I took the aptitude test with ICL I just decided I will focus on writing for little ones but the sweet part is I who am almost forty years old and have no children of my own now I’m able to have children read stories and poems I make up and have both the children and their parents like the stories. That part is actually gratifying for me. I just loved how my writing teachers not only praised my work but also liked the stories I made up and even said my work was quite good.

I feel like I was born to stand out.

I was blessed to have successes with what I love more than anything else writing. There are so many female authors I just love including Alice Walker, Sandra Cisneros and Jean Rhys. I love the prose of Jamaica Kincaid. Jamaica Kincaid was the model author my memoir writing teacher told me about and also Edwidge Danticat. I found my happiest days were when I was working on my memoir and my course to write for children. I was told I seemed to have a gift to write for children once. I enjoy writing in different genres but I would love to be able to write for children and make a little career out of it.

I am not a top influencer like some of the bloggers on WordPress but I feel happy for the over 150 people that like my blog.

I feel like it’s probably the coolest thing I ever did being nominated for four blogger awards but I appreciate the platform to have influence even if it’s less people I feel good that different countries like the content on my blog. I basically blog random stuff about my life. I know my 30s are just the best time in my life. The change occurred fast and by the time I was about thirty or thirty one I felt so much more comfortable in my own skin and I started to just feel good about myself in a way it may have been hard to explain. I tell you guys I had a spiritual experience of having a peace wash over me back in 2011 or 2012. I know sometimes people are against God and religion but I know from experience because I pray now and I don’t go to doctors. I believe holistic means of healing and health are the way to feeling better and to cures for dis-ease. I know when I think of being tense or seeing a chiropractor every month since I was in my mid-20s that was what helped me the most. As a kid I carried a heavy backpack and that made my back hurt.  I had ailments that were hard for me like bronchitis. I smoked for twenty years of my life despite my breathing problems. I realize now that I can do anything I put my mind to. I know how capable I am. I also plan to stay smoke free and just say no to cigarettes and drugs. I want to live a long life free of too much stress.

I discovered self love in my 30s.

Sometimes people tell us things about ourselves that makes us feel like we’re not as valued or likeable or even attractive or beautiful. I had a rough childhood and adolescence. I know it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but I managed to be resilient and really like myself. Sometimes people say things they like about me but I know my opinion of myself is pretty high. I feel good about the person I am. I have goals and I’m taking steps to achieve my goals. I am thirty nine years old but my age is just a number. I know I can still do things. I volunteer at NAMI and that keeps me busy. I’m going to be finishing my course with The Institute of Children’s Literature in Connecticut.  I am happy to be more than halfway through my course. I will get a special diploma but I’m not sure if there’s a ceremony or anything. I love writing for kids. I’d recommend the course too. The course gets over 95% approval from students like me who took it.

The way I see myself and the way others see me is different.

I see myself as an attractive black woman. I get compliments on my clothing and people also say I’m a kind person. The way I see myself and the way other people see me is different. Some say nice things about me others criticize me for reasons unbeknownst to me. I felt so good being able to write and type my own memoir. I also feel really good about myself despite the difficult mental illness I have and it is really a difficult illness to have. Some days in the past I would hear mean critical voices that said the worse things about me but the change in me occurred in my early 30s where for the first time in my life I started to like myself. I became so much more comfortable with the skin I was in. I got teased so badly as a child for my color that an experience I had back in 2012 made me sure I wasn’t alone but many times I had doubts and fears but God was there. I found myself thinking about spirituality and God and even prayer for the first time. I don’t want to get bogged down with negative people or naysayers. I know God is real but it wasn’t until I had a personal experience with God one day for myself that I was sure God was real. Sometimes people say there isn’t a God but I challenge that opinion. I had my own God encounter that made me want to seek God for myself. He is not distant believe me. He is there.

I made a conscious decision to focus on positive thinking and spirituality.

I know God is everywhere. I believe God is a spirit not a man. I believe God is the only higher power for me to call on. My father died when I was two years old. I have also had several deaths in my family over the past five to ten years. I am happy God kept my mother alive. My mom had surgeries when I was young to the last surgery being in 2009. I feel happy that I was able to get my Bachelor’s degree but I decided I’d try to have a little career as a children’s book author. I was told I had a gift in the area of writing for children. I am going to be finishing up my course in the fall of 2020. I know if I focus on God and the blessings I have in my life I will be better off. I don’t want to be ungrateful because I have more than many other people I know. I have a nice bedroom with a lot of closet space for my clothes and I have my own bathroom and shower. I am happy for now. I want to take the next step and get a car and get my probationary license. I can drive unsupervised too once I get it after three months.

The best outcome.

I struggled a lot socially in school like kindergarten through grade 12. I got bullied a lot. I didn’t have many friends but I did have a few friends. I just found myself stressed out a lot even as a kid. It wasn’t until I graduated from college at the age of 34 years old that I could look back on the experiences I had in school and think especially of teachers I had and even professors who were supportive. My memoir teacher liked the memoir I wrote “Tale of three half sisters” for my Advanced Memoir Workshop. My memoir was just over 4,000 words and my memoir professor Dr. Edvige Giunta liked it. She even supported me as a student in her class. It was by far the most positive experience I had in college. I appreciate Dr. Giunta more than anything and I will always feel gratitude toward her my memoir professor. I pray that I can focus on my children’s literature course for the rest of this year. I got an extension from the school until January 2021. I’ll be turning forty next year.