I am for relationships in my future.

I want to be able to form and keep friendships I was able to form over the years with friends I have at NAMI Mercer NJ who also struggle with their difficult mental illness. I have been working since January 2016. I am back to work this September 2019. I will be working this semester. I also plan to retest for the Praxis Core Reading test next January 2020. Early in January I plan to retest and take the core reading test for the second time. I may try a third time to see if I pass. I may be able to pass this second time. I’m studying the Barron’s Praxis Core Exams and I will be studying it for the rest of this year. Early January 2020 is retest.

I discovered Alicia Keys in a music therapy group when I was at St. Francis Medical Center on the Psychiatric unit in Trenton, New Jersey back in the 2000s.

I really like Alicia Keys. I am around her age. I’m 38. I love singer/songwriters. I feel like they are cool for singing and especially if they are like Alicia and have fifteen Grammy awards and write their own songs. I like her music. I love how she plays the piano. She is so cool and she seems to be down to earth. I like how in one of her music videos she has on a nice outfit playing the piano. She has a Yamaha piano too. To be a pianist is something very cool and to write your own songs. I just like and admire Alicia Keys so much.

I had a health scare.

I was hospitalized for blood clots in my lungs and I was having anxiety too. I have been up since 7 am. I am going to be working on my writing. I am taking a course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I am half way through my course. I need to work on my assignments and make them better. I will be in the library from 10 am to noon. Then I’m just going to chill until 12:30 pm a friend is picking me up and we’re going bowling and getting pizza.

I am so happy I am working at my alma mater as a Mentor.

I am happy to be able to help my Mentees. Some of them are African American and I work at Mercer. I try to be helpful to all of my Mentees. Some of them are Caucasian and others are Hispanic. They are all very nice and I have been able to connect with almost all of them. Sometimes when I meet a new Mentee at the beginning of the semester I introduce myself to them to familiarize myself with their names as well.

I want to be free to be who I am. I have got to be me.

In life I had highs and lows. In the low periods of my life I felt alone. I felt like I was all by myself in what I was struggling with. I am trying to save on my own to buy a used Toyota Camry for less than ten thousand dollars. I am looking forward to buying my first car. I am 42. I was at the walkathon today that was put on by NAMI in Robbinsville, NJ. I express myself through my clothing with style. I started wearing a lot of Jones New York stylish classic clothing items and coats or jackets. I love how I feel in my Jones New York things. They are not too pricy but stylish and chic.

I am ecstatic to be driving. I am 42. I am saving to buy a used car by this summer.

I am trying to become more independent and more self-sufficient in my life. I am hoping to save my money to buy my own used car. I am an adult. I need to be accountable in my own life. I am trying to save for a used car that costs $10,000 or less. I saw a cute little used Toyota Corolla, and a few used Toyota Camry models for sale. My car preference is a used Camry. I can afford a cute used Camry. I will save my money and get my next check in two weeks on June 3rd. I can budget. I got this!

I am in the driver’s seat now. I got my license.

I took a drive this morning at 10 am. I enjoyed it. I am looking at cars online every chance I get. I am going to be buying my first car at 42. I was told I am a good driver. I like being in the driver’s seat of the car a lot. I look forward to buying my first car. I have a budget of ten grand. I like myself. I try not to compare myself to anyone else. I am one of the first people like me to blow up on the internet. I like WordPress though a lot! My doctor affectionately refers to me as Internet Ayesha. I laugh!

I’m trying to publish an autobiographical children’s book.

I call this book Mama’s Little Helper. I started it as a final project for a course I took with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I have published a few of my poems in my 30s. I studied Creative Writing in college. I declared my major in my junior year of college upon transferring to NJCU. I have had successes there. I worked on an eightteen page memoir I called “Tale of three half-sisters”. I hope to be able to publish my book. I am not guaranteed publication, but I have the success of my blog. I am saving my money to buy a used vehicle. This April I am going to upgrade my license to a four-year auto driver’s license and also budget $10,000 for my first used car at age 42. I am doin’ well.

I am saving my money to buy my first used vehicle at age 42.

I will be upgrading to my initial four-year auto driver’s license in mid-April. I did some driving today using my mom’s Honda CR-V. I drove with my mom in the passenger seat. I told my mom I want to budget on my own for a used vehicle. I’ll try to get a financing agreement. I may put a $5,000 down payment on my first used vehicle at age 42. I don’t feel any regrets about starting to drive at almost forty years old. I drive well. My mom tells me so. I have driven my mom’s Honda SUV a few times before. I asked my mom to pay for a driving school because I wanted to learn from professional driving instructors. I am driving with no problems. I am practicing and there is an expression that goes “practice makes perfect”. I will upgrade in mid-April to a basic four-year auto driver’s license. I want to buy a used Toyota RAV4 Hybrid. My mom got a Honda CR-V a few years ago. I like driving an SUV better than a regular car, because I am tall!

I try to be more accountable for my own actions and reactions to others.

I have had some success, and I am thankful for the success, but the other side of my story is that I have not been able to really solve all of my problems. I love being an author. For me writing is in my blood. I have kept journals since I was in my 20s. I had difficult experiences but I never gave up hope. Hope is the only thing I have. When I feel I’m not as liked or as accepted I remind myself that certain people like me. I had a traumatic childhood that was far from ideal but it was mine. I had successes older and didn’t overthink them. I had failures, but I tried to learn from my failures and mistakes. I never had much popularity, but I am so comfortable in my own skin now that I am older. Kids often bullied me and teased me mercilessly when I was a child. I was a little black female child that was teased because of my skin color. I try to socialize more. I have had some people like me and it felt good to have some of the people like me, but there are people who I felt disliked by. Even despite the good experiences I had being able to connect with my peers I tried to be careful not to get with bad company. I was glad to connect with my peers. I have been driving for almost a year with a probationary license. I want to buy a used SUV in the spring this year. I am a work in progress.

I am looking forward to buying my first used vehicle.

I never knew the independence of my own vehicle. I have had my license for almost nine months. I drive well. I enjoy driving so much that all I can think about is this used Ford Edge SUV I saw online going for $6,500 plus taxes and fees. My mom has had her own vehicle since I was a child but as her only child I will be the sole beneficiary of my mom’s life insurance policy. I have money in an account to pay on my own for a used SUV. I can budget for my used SUV, and I will. Because this is my first vehicle ever at age 42, I try to just chill go through the process and relax. I have a budget. My budget s $10,000. I found this nice 2008 Ford Edge SUV that costs barely over eight thousand dollars including taxes and fees. I am looking forward to upgrading to my first four-year auto driver’s license. I am excited about this used vehicle purchase. I enjoy driving. I welcome the independence my license will afford me.

Happy new year y’all!

I have New Year’s resolutions. I lost fifty pounds on my own. I try to drink more water. I am attempting to buy my first used vehicle on my 42nd birthday. I didn’t judge myself, and I started driving at almost 40 years old. I become eligible for a four-year auto driver’s license this April. I am welcoming all of the independence my driver’s license will afford me. I will always try to keep my license. I may buy a used SUV by the end of January 2023. I am going to celebrate my birthday in late January. For me getting older is not as scary. I got much more comfortable with myself as I got older. I’ll stay true to myself. I never make a big deal about things that are not that big of a deal. I like the woman I have become. The key to my adulthood is my license and my used SUV. I am a big girl. I can drive. My mom says I drive well too!

Merry Christmas eve to all of you here on WordPress.com!

I want a car for Christmas but specifically a used SUV. I am a big tall lady. I want to make sure I appreciate my blessings. I want to give more than I take in relationships and friendships. I value my time on this earth. I have a difficult illness. I make sure I get sleep. I am up early at 5 am or 6 am most mornings. I got my parents, my friends, and close relatives Christmas gifts. I like the Christmas music on the radio. For me Christmas isn’t complete without Nat King Cole CDs and Mariah Carey’s Christmas CDs. I want to express gratitude to all my contacts and let them know I appreciate them. I need a used SUV to get around with. My budget is $10,000, but that’s okay it’s a start. Merry Christmas tomorrow everybody!

I am happy to be where I am.

I am learning how to drive later in life. I have a driving lesson tomorrow. I am looking forward to it. I had a good Thanksgiving with my family yesterday. I helped my mom a little today by doing her laundry. I try to help my mom with chores and laundry. As her female child, she expects me to do that to help and I volunteer once a week to do laundry on Fridays or on weekends. I have gratitude toward my mom because she is my primary caregiver. I am a giver, not a taker. I always try to reimburse or pay back my mom or any other supporters. I never want to be the kind of person that takes more than I give. I am praying for a used car for Christmas. I am ready to get my first used vehicle in December or January. In January of 2023, I will be 42 years young! I look forward to my 42nd birthday.