I am for relationships in my future.

I want to be able to form and keep friendships I was able to form over the years with friends I have at NAMI Mercer NJ who also struggle with their difficult mental illness. I have been working since January 2016. I am back to work this September 2019. I will be working this semester. I also plan to retest for the Praxis Core Reading test next January 2020. Early in January I plan to retest and take the core reading test for the second time. I may try a third time to see if I pass. I may be able to pass this second time. I’m studying the Barron’s Praxis Core Exams and I will be studying it for the rest of this year. Early January 2020 is retest.

I discovered Alicia Keys in a music therapy group when I was at St. Francis Medical Center on the Psychiatric unit in Trenton, New Jersey back in the 2000s.

I really like Alicia Keys. I am around her age. I’m 38. I love singer/songwriters. I feel like they are cool for singing and especially if they are like Alicia and have fifteen Grammy awards and write their own songs. I like her music. I love how she plays the piano. She is so cool and she seems to be down to earth. I like how in one of her music videos she has on a nice outfit playing the piano. She has a Yamaha piano too. To be a pianist is something very cool and to write your own songs. I just like and admire Alicia Keys so much.

I had a health scare.

I was hospitalized for blood clots in my lungs and I was having anxiety too. I have been up since 7 am. I am going to be working on my writing. I am taking a course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I am half way through my course. I need to work on my assignments and make them better. I will be in the library from 10 am to noon. Then I’m just going to chill until 12:30 pm a friend is picking me up and we’re going bowling and getting pizza.

I am so happy I am working at my alma mater as a Mentor.

I am happy to be able to help my Mentees. Some of them are African American and I work at Mercer. I try to be helpful to all of my Mentees. Some of them are Caucasian and others are Hispanic. They are all very nice and I have been able to connect with almost all of them. Sometimes when I meet a new Mentee at the beginning of the semester I introduce myself to them to familiarize myself with their names as well.

I am happy to be where I am.

I am learning how to drive later in life. I have a driving lesson tomorrow. I am looking forward to it. I had a good Thanksgiving with my family yesterday. I helped my mom a little today by doing her laundry. I try to help my mom with chores and laundry. As her female child, she expects me to do that to help and I volunteer once a week to do laundry on Fridays or on weekends. I have gratitude toward my mom because she is my primary caregiver. I am a giver, not a taker. I always try to reimburse or pay back my mom or any other supporters. I never want to be the kind of person that takes more than I give. I am praying for a used car for Christmas. I am ready to get my first used vehicle in December or January. In January of 2023, I will be 42 years young! I look forward to my 42nd birthday.

I am a happy writer.

Most of my life I have suffered from difficult symptoms of a mental illness. My illness is hard for me. Success with my writing endeavors was the one thing I am thankful to say I have had. I got my license older. I started driving at forty. I have not had one accident in almost two years of driving. I enjoy driving. I am 41. I will be 42 years old in January 2023. I am liking my life more. I try to save money for a rainy day. I am attempting to shop less. I used to do a lot of impulsive shopping. In my life I have a few social outlets.

I am so happy I am alive. I like the life I have. I am just as good as any other person. I am age 41. I have gotten to a good place. I don’t blame anyone else for my misfortunes. In life you got to play the hand you’re dealt. The mistakes I make are mine to own up to. I am not a victim. I like who I am. My 30s were okay. So far my 40s are pretty good. I try to live my life and work on myself.

I am optimistic about my future.

I am trying to be more positive. I try not to let negative thoughts get to me. I am always at least reading a book a month for pleasure. I am thinking of joining a book club. I am celebrating my life but it is still rough. I am trying to grow from my experiences. In hard times I now say God you are so much bigger than all of my problems. The Lord made himself real to me one day. I had a Muslim father that died when I was a child. My mom believes in God. I pray and believe in God. God helped me to remain resilient. I had a supernatural peace wash over me one day on a day I felt sad and anxious and the peace that washed over me healed me. I always loved and appreciated the Lord for healing me. No one could care as much as God.

I like being able to say my blog was nominated for four blogger awards. I appreciate my supporters enough to support them in return. I try to think of how difficult experiences I have had in my life that were hard for me. I purposely focus on the positive aspects of my own situation and this is because I know there is power in positive thinking.

I started liking myself more as I got older. I could tell a difference in the way I felt about myself in my early 30s.

As a little girl, I was often bullied and teased a lot about having dark skin. I was always told I was “too black” or “too dark skin”. I remember being chosen last for a partner in gym class, and a lab partner for science class in high school. I feel good about myself in my early 40s but as a child, I was teased about my skin color mercilessly, and it was stressful for me as a child. I chose how I see myself as an adult. As a child, I was verbally abused a lot. I really like myself. I would not want to be like anyone else. I am really comfortable in my own skin. I like myself a lot. My illness didn’t take my positive self-image away. I try not to be too hard on myself. I was able to get to a good place. I made peace with my illness. I made peace with my past. I see myself as worthy of good things. However, I try not to get carried away with my spending. I am budgeting for my first used SUV. I am doing well. I slept well last night. My sleep is better. God healed me in my early 30s. I know God has good things in store for me.

I feel fabulous at forty-one.

As someone who had an early onset of mental illness, I remember my mental health unraveling during my sophomore year in high school. I thank God I had supportive parents and other people who offered me support. Though I am much older I am seeking more independence for myself. I want to get a used SUV by the end of this year. I want to start to budget more and spend less money. I have a good relationship with my parents. I live with my family. I try to reach out to relatives a few times a month. It was nice when someone suggested sending friend requests to family and people I socialize with in other social settings on Facebook. I am going on a driving lesson this Friday at 2:30 pm. I want my life. I have confidence in myself. I can do things!

I am motivated to spend my time at least doing volunteer work and working toward my goals.

I try to not have a lot of idle time on my hands. There is an expression that goes…Idleness is the devil’s playground. I try to not let too many impure thoughts get the best of me. I took the praxis core reading exam today this is my third attempt. I am praying I pass the exam. However, I will wait the specified amount of time three weeks before I go on ETS webpage. I will try to read a book and get halfway through the book in two or three weeks. I recently read a book by Pastor Joel Osteen’s newest book. You Are Stronger Than You Think. I get a lot of support from my mom, family, and friends. I try to help my mom do laundry and sometimes I cook. I try to let my mom know that she is appreciated. There was this song called Dear Mama that Tupac Shakur wrote that I liked because Tupac wrote a song for his mother Afeni Shakur. I think of how much my mom does for me that I try to show her appreciation and not demand she does more for me. I appreciate all of the kind things she did and she has always been supportive of me. Now that my parents are getting older I try to volunteer to do laundry and occasionally I cook for us.

I am a licensed NJ driver.

The key to independence for me is my driver’s license and a nice used car to get around with as my first car. I have been looking at cars and other vehicles online. I am driving my mom’s Honda CR-V once a week. The other day I drive is on Fridays. I pay a driving school to take me out and let me practice driving. I am a good driver. I make a few mistakes but I want to improve my driving a little bit more. I have had my probationary license for a little under two months. I feel like the key to my independence is a nice used car and my upgrade to a basic NJ four-year driver’s (auto) license. I can upgrade after practicing on my own for at least a twelve-month period. Next April I can upgrade to a basic four-year NJ driver’s (auto) license. I hope by the end of the summer I can get a little used Toyota Corolla or Toyota Camry as my first car. I am age 41. Being in my 40s feels good. I feel comfortable in my own skin.

Now Forever can begin.

I have had some tough days but I see the Hope on the horizon. I believe in God. I genuinely feel good about who I am. I try not to get too involved in anyone else’s business. I remember the timid bullied self-conscious child I was who never had a lot of friends and looked forward to seeing the few friends I had at school or in my neighborhood. I like me! For most of my life, I had mental health problems. I could barely keep my eyes open because I was drowsy and felt drugged up on the medications I was being prescribed. Now I have a license. I thank God I was able to make this big step when I did. I may be getting my first vehicle at the end of this month. I am excited. My mom said she will get me help to get a used vehicle for my personal use. I like the used Kia Sportage.