I am for relationships in my future.

I want to be able to form and keep friendships I was able to form over the years with friends I have at NAMI Mercer NJ who also struggle with their difficult mental illness. I have been working since January 2016. I am back to work this September 2019. I will be working this semester. I also plan to retest for the Praxis Core Reading test next January 2020. Early in January I plan to retest and take the core reading test for the second time. I may try a third time to see if I pass. I may be able to pass this second time. I’m studying the Barron’s Praxis Core Exams and I will be studying it for the rest of this year. Early January 2020 is retest.

I discovered Alicia Keys in a music therapy group when I was at St. Francis Medical Center on the Psychiatric unit in Trenton, New Jersey back in the 2000s.

I really like Alicia Keys. I am around her age. I’m 38. I love singer/songwriters. I feel like they are cool for singing and especially if they are like Alicia and have fifteen Grammy awards and write their own songs. I like her music. I love how she plays the piano. She is so cool and she seems to be down to earth. I like how in one of her music videos she has on a nice outfit playing the piano. She has a Yamaha piano too. To be a pianist is something very cool and to write your own songs. I just like and admire Alicia Keys so much.

I had a health scare.

I was hospitalized for blood clots in my lungs and I was having anxiety too. I have been up since 7 am. I am going to be working on my writing. I am taking a course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I am half way through my course. I need to work on my assignments and make them better. I will be in the library from 10 am to noon. Then I’m just going to chill until 12:30 pm a friend is picking me up and we’re going bowling and getting pizza.

I am so happy I am working at my alma mater as a Mentor.

I am happy to be able to help my Mentees. Some of them are African American and I work at Mercer. I try to be helpful to all of my Mentees. Some of them are Caucasian and others are Hispanic. They are all very nice and I have been able to connect with almost all of them. Sometimes when I meet a new Mentee at the beginning of the semester I introduce myself to them to familiarize myself with their names as well.

I have to give the credit to God for happy birthdays older. I recently turned forty in late January. I brought in the 2021 new year with a Paris wall calendar I purchased at Barnes and Noble. I know if nothing kept me from having successes older I’ll just celebrate those successes I had older. I thank God every day for things I had successes with older. Last year Miss Michelle blogging in Paris, France who recently nominated me caused me to stand out. I knew a guy that was in a Chanel ad once. I consider Madamoiselle Coco Chanel to be a fashion icon. I remember the French seemed to even like former president Obama. As a tween I wore a lot of Esprit clothes. I was one of the few young girls that had to have Esprit clothes I shopped for in Macys, and the Esprit store in Manhattan. As a New York native people say they even hear my New York accent when I talk.

I woke up with gratitude this morning. I am so thankful to God for healing my brokenness. I believe God is the only person that can heal another person. This world needs God more than ever. I try to reach out to friends and family. Sometimes all people need is someone that cares. Random acts of kindness could change the world. I know prayer helps me more than therapy. I rather cry out to God. I know my God hears my prayers. He is all I need.

I am thankful for my life. I pray to God for help in my room. I thank Him for supernatural healing. I know for sure God has been walking with me all this time. I think Claudia Rankine is cool. I read Citizen her poetry collection and I loved it. She is a poet and a playwright. She also teaches Creative Writing workshops at a college in California. I studied Creative Writing in college. I loved my major. I read a book a month too. I am reading Alicia Keys memoir. It is not bad so far. I think she is cool though. I am looking to buy a preowned car. I am taking the road test in April. I have made peace with my illness. God is so much bigger than the problems I have. I look at the positive aspects of my situation I am healed. I know if I help anyone this world is full of broken people, and God healed my brokenness.

I know now that I am older that I feel so much more comfortable with myself on the inside. I try not to compare myself with anyone else. I am going to be myself. I have come to terms with who I am. I really like myself the way I am. I always get compliments from other people. That always makes me smile when someone smiles at me or says hello. I believe God is the only healer. I try not to judge others. I kind of just live my own life. I am excited now that I can breathe and be.

I know now not everyone is going to be as thrilled with you as you are with yourself, but that’s okay “I really like myself. I feel like that is the thing I will focus on. It feels good to be in a good place. My life is still good. I also try to eat healthier. I lost weight on my own. The more I did on my own the more confidence it gave me. I have to say to myself I am a strong person. I may get knocked down but it’s not going to stop me from getting back up. In other words giving up hope is not an option. Enemies try to discourage you but I am so motivated that I won’t go any further. My illness is so hard for me. I try to stay close to family but I am trying to get a preowned car.

This land is your land this land is my land from California to the New York island. I once had a friend tell me they can hear my New York accent. I am from Brooklyn and my absolute favorite restaurant is Junior’s restaurant famous for making cheesecake. I called because I wanted to arrange to get a slice of strawberry cheesecake when I am in town.

I am much happier now that I am older. I’m glad I learned to accept myself just the way I am. Everyday we are bombarded with images of super skinny fashion models that are our standard of beauty in this society models that are dying to be thin. I became vegetarian because I want to become healthier. I have been an emotional eater since childhood. I am trying to make healthier choices and break the cycle of obesity. I lost forty pounds on my own. I want to buy myself a really nice 26″ women’s bicycle online. I’ll try to spend the spring and summer riding my new bicycle outdoors. I plan to take thirty minute bike rides starting in May of this year. I went online on www.walmart.com but most of the bikes are out of stock. I will look in the Walmart on Route 130 in NJ.

My relationship with myself got a lot better as I got older. The change in me started in my early 30s. I started to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I started journaling and writing poetry. I knew God was there. I had a supernatural experience having a supernatural peace wash over me restoring my sanity. The experience gave me hope. I am holding on to my faith in God. I think we all need God in our lives. Satan creates chaos and reeks havoc on people’s lives because he’s a trouble maker. I pray most mornings when I wake up. I thank God for causing me to be resilient. God is the person who caused the healing of my soul from hurt feelings and verbal abuse from people that barely knew me, but they still talk about me negatively. I was bullied a lot as a little girl but I credit God and spirituality for saving my life. I like most of the contemporary Christian songs on the Star 99.1 radio station. I can’t get through a car ride without the radio. I love to listen to the radio. Music has been my past time for along time. As a child I listened to the radio a lot too.

The more I accept myself flaws and all the better I will feel. All of my life I have had my share of haters. I try to assert myself more. I know if I had been a bullied self conscious I thank God I at least can see myself as attractive. I love how things in my life worked out. Though I was older at the time I will always remember the experiences I had being nominated for four blogger awards. I thank God for being there for me. I pray most mornings when I wake up. I am also making sure I go to sleep by 9 pm too. I need my sleep. I try to go to bed earlier and give myself an hour or two hours of extra sleep and not wake up until 8 am.

I believe in God. I know I am going to be able to keep on living, and I’m not going to give up on me. I say it is not how many times you try it is the will to keep on trying. In my life everything that was hard for me I resolved not to give up on myself. Others opinions of me may be different, but as I got older I started to feel better about myself. I got teased very badly as a child. I always got called mean vicious names. I feel good about myself though despite these things being true for me all of my life.