I am for relationships in my future.

I want to be able to form and keep friendships I was able to form over the years with friends I have at NAMI Mercer NJ who also struggle with their difficult mental illness. I have been working since January 2016. I am back to work this September 2019. I will be working this semester. I also plan to retest for the Praxis Core Reading test next January 2020. Early in January I plan to retest and take the core reading test for the second time. I may try a third time to see if I pass. I may be able to pass this second time. I’m studying the Barron’s Praxis Core Exams and I will be studying it for the rest of this year. Early January 2020 is retest.

I discovered Alicia Keys in a music therapy group when I was at St. Francis Medical Center on the Psychiatric unit in Trenton, New Jersey back in the 2000s.

I really like Alicia Keys. I am around her age. I’m 38. I love singer/songwriters. I feel like they are cool for singing and especially if they are like Alicia and have fifteen Grammy awards and write their own songs. I like her music. I love how she plays the piano. She is so cool and she seems to be down to earth. I like how in one of her music videos she has on a nice outfit playing the piano. She has a Yamaha piano too. To be a pianist is something very cool and to write your own songs. I just like and admire Alicia Keys so much.

I had a health scare.

I was hospitalized for blood clots in my lungs and I was having anxiety too. I have been up since 7 am. I am going to be working on my writing. I am taking a course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I am half way through my course. I need to work on my assignments and make them better. I will be in the library from 10 am to noon. Then I’m just going to chill until 12:30 pm a friend is picking me up and we’re going bowling and getting pizza.

I am so happy I am working at my alma mater as a Mentor.

I am happy to be able to help my Mentees. Some of them are African American and I work at Mercer. I try to be helpful to all of my Mentees. Some of them are Caucasian and others are Hispanic. They are all very nice and I have been able to connect with almost all of them. Sometimes when I meet a new Mentee at the beginning of the semester I introduce myself to them to familiarize myself with their names as well.

For my early life in my native New York I had gotten treated differently by people. I got teased very badly as a child about my color. I don’t blame anyone else. I try to remember that I had a choice and I chose myself. I like having opportunities to share my story with others. As a child so many other kids were verbally abusive to me that it made me feel sad. Sometimes I felt like I was the only kid that had this added stressful school day as a child. They would call me Karima wheat and say very unflattering things about me. It feels so good older to be in a good place but right now I am trying to finish reading the NJ driver manual and I want to get my license too. I should be able to pass the road test at the end of this month.

The moment I became more comfortable with myself as I am something in me knew God’s divine intervention was in the details of my life. I always felt like I was the only person who had all these disabling fears and an uncertain future. I pray now for five or ten minutes when I wake up in the morning even thanking God for a good night’s sleep. I am perceived a certain way by others but I don’t care. I choose to see myself as a good person who is worthy of having a new or more recent cute vehicle of my own. I have been getting driving lessons. I’m trying to get my license and get some more independence being able to get around on my own. I know once I upgrade to a probationary license I can take it from there. I don’t need supervision after the three months mark. I am thrilled but I will have to practice on my own for at least twelve months but that’s it.

I thank God I had quite a few successes older in my 30s. God has been good to me. I choose to hold on to my faith in hard times. I encourage myself I say “Esha you can do this, Esha you can make it. You can and you will.” The resolve to keep on trying whenever I succeed reinforces my confidence in myself, and my own ability to do things on my own. When I prove others wrong I say you know even despite this difficult mental illness I have battled since I was fourteen years old I choose to see myself as just as good as any other person. God made a way where I saw no way. I praise God for this breakthrough. Often times when I had a bad day I felt like giving up, but God is in this battle with me. I try to take life day by day. I will also continue to practice driving lessons, but I should be getting my probationary license by the end of November at the end of this month. I am happy I won’t need supervision once I pass the road test. I can upgrade to a probationary license at the DMV. For the 21 and over route to driving all you need is three months of supervision. I become eligible on November 28th of this month.

I believe in God. For me spirituality carries me through difficult experiences. I pray more now. I try to pray to God to thank Him for His divine intervention in my life. I try to stay close to family and friends. It’s easy to get stressed out but for me the Rx is sleep at night. I try to go to bed by 10 pm most nights of the week. I can’t function well without my sleep.

I now realize in mental health recovery that recovery is not a destination it’s journey. My illness does not have me, but I need to also have free time. I am looking forward to finishing up my course in writing for children, and teenagers. I am working on an assignment that my instructor gave me the opportunity to revise that I submitted earlier. I got an email from my instructor giving me the option to revise a lesson, and I am thrilled because I want to get the most out of my course. I am enjoying the course. I have one more assignment after the assignment I’m working on now but the final assignment is a final project. I’ll get a certificate for this course. I am excited, but I have to put in time working on my course in the library.

I got these stickers from a Staples store that say ICE CREAM on the cover of the book of stickers. When I was a child one of my male classmates told me Ayesha Karim (my name) reminded him of ice cream. There is a cool poem by poet Charles Bukowski called “ice cream people”. When I first heard Bukowski’s poem I really liked the poem. I have really sensitive teeth, but I love strawberry ice cream. Haagen Daas has the best tasting ice cream.

I like myself a lot but I still have struggles.

I thank God I am here now. I had so many difficult experiences as a little girl, but I have been doing pretty well in spite of this. I pray and for me the key to wellness is spirituality. I love poetry. I started writing poetry as a child of ten years of age maybe. I processed my hurt feelings in my Composition notebook, and I would make up poetry. It is by far my favorite genre, but I am thrilled with the success I am having with even difficult assignments in my course writing for children and teenagers. It feels so cool to have favor with both of my writing instructors

I am giving all the praise to God because He intervened on my behalf. God gave me a miracle when He chose to heal me. I praise God everyday when I wake up in the morning. I know I am one of the few people who have had a miracle in my lifetime. I try to be a good person, however I am a self love advocate. I don’t bullshit anyone because I love myself, and I appreciate my blessings too. God blesses each of us each person to be a blessing to others not to keep it for ourselves. God knows my story, and He understands that it is all about Him and not me (Ayesha Karim).

I’m making progress. I have been using my wellness tool box to maintain my mental health. I have been taking care of my hygiene and waking up by 7 am most mornings.

I have been having success with my course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. Since I was in my 20s I wanted to write children’s books, and even my former therapist knew this. I believe in God. He is the healer (GOD) I attribute all of my healing from brokenness to less worry and more assurance that God is the only person that can heal. I pray now also. I try to keep my thoughts positive even my friends say “Esha is so positive”. I believe there is power in positive thinking.

I can’t wait to turn forty in January 28, 2021.

I am thrilled that I will soon be able to upgrade to a probationary license. The adult road to driving in the state New Jersey requires only three months of supervision, which is half the early bird road, and young adult road. I took advice from someone who told me not to judge myself. I feel so good behind-the-wheel in the student vehicle, and I have been doing well, and plan to schedule a few more driving lessons. I took a big step, but I am just going to get more driving lessons, and my driving instructor has told me he taught a lot of the young people in the area I live in how to drive. He’s very nice too. I