TheAyeshaSite

I like my life. I feel so exotic and good. I don’t feel self-conscious much anymore. I used to think only certain people were special. I don’t anymore. I’m special. I’m good. I’m Ayesha!

There is an art to everything. I love coloring in adult coloring books. I’ve loved art class since elementary school. I have been writing poetry since I was in the 5th grade. I know poetry is in my blood. I appreciate great art, good music, good books. I’m an artsy type. I also love theater and opera.

I find myself buying myself nice costume jewelry, coats, clothes and loving my life as it is.

I can finally sleep at night in my 30s. I was always so tired in my 20s. I needed sleep at night. I am able to sleep almost every night in my 30s. I have anxiety disorder too.  I never got that treated it wasn’t until a friend said “Are you anxious? You probably have an anxiety disorder”. I am on new meds that treat my mental illness better than any meds I’ve ever been on. I got injectible meds that really treat my schizophrenia.

I like my life. I love myself. I don’t want someone else’s life. I feel wise because I am facing reality in that I am enjoying my life. I am writing a memoir. I am a poet. I am taking my course via distance at the Institute for Writers. I hope to publish articles in children’s magazines and to publish children’s books. I love that my blog was nominated for an award. I’m happy with my life as it is. I smile with lipstick on in the mirror too!

Your life. Your body. Your health. Your skin. Your friends. Your family. Your job. Your money. Your time.

Society says that. I don’t accept that notion. I love my dark skin too.

I am on a self-love journey since my 31st birthday. I had a good childhood despite what others might say. I have a large extended family and when I was growing up I had a lot of cousins and friends to play with. We’d play double dutch and jump rope. I loved going to the park and the Brooklyn Public library. I was happy.

Sometimes I cannot believe how far I have come. I feel good about myself. I dress up. I love getting dressed up and putting on my costume jewelry. I can tell God is real. I healed myself through writing. I believe in God and the afterlife. I don’t know how I know things I know but I’m a spiritual person. I love being Ayesha now. I like to dance to music when I’m alone. I believe in Heaven and I see with spiritual eyesight. I know I’ll be okay. I will continue to take care of myself. This is a journey. I feel like I’ve done quite well despite my diagnosis. I live fuller now in my 30s than I ever have in my life!

When I moved to New Jersey with my parents from Brooklyn the place where I was born I remember going into a deep depression and hearing voices. Now I realize that I’m a spiritual being and God loves me. He also cares about and understands my difficulties and gives me strength for my weaknesses. I’ve come a long long way. I realize that everywhere I go now and I think “Imagine me” like the Kirk Franklin Gospel song.