TheAyeshaSite

1X sexy on a diet here I come. I’m losing weight already.

That’s what I call voices and hallucinations when they are louder than usual.

Black-oriented was a phrase Ms. Broyard coined in a lecture she gave on her book One Drop about her father Anatole Broyard who died passing for a white man. I have been using the word ever since but not sure how I’d define it. I get all of the popular African American magazines like Essence, Ebony and Hype Hair.

I am happy to be able to help my Mentees. Some of them are African American and I work at Mercer. I try to be helpful to all of my Mentees. Some of them are Caucasian and others are Hispanic. They are all very nice and I have been able to connect with almost all of them. Sometimes when I meet a new Mentee at the beginning of the semester I introduce myself to them to familiarize myself with their names as well.

I am going to be writing a memoir. I have been working on this memoir since my last two semesters in college. I just got my class ring in the mail today. I love it and I really love being a part of the NJCU Writers Workshop. I feel so grateful to be connected to Edi and Josh. They are such nice good people and when they gave me such good feedback on my memoir at the Memoirfests I became a writer. If more people were like Edi and Josh Fausty the world would be a different place!

An identity is something you either have or lack. There is no in-between. Either you identify yourself as what you are or you are somehow lost among two or more identities. For me African American and female are my identity. I am both but when it comes to the reality of belonging to one race or another I have this pure sense of race where I say I’m Black/African not something else. I feel proud of my roots and the person God created me to be with my skin color, hair color and eye color. I feel like I am a work of art not less than anyone else whose dominant White identity might make them assume I want to be like them or like someone I’m not. The day I saw myself as beautiful inside and out was the day I rejected the notion that white skin is somehow God’s skin. I knew that was a big lie. I love my black skin.

I have had successes with this blog. I have had successes with my poetry including the wordsmith competition in 2016. I am going to try to pass the Praxis Core and become an Early Childhood teacher in the next three years. I have a poem in this month’s NAMI Mercer newsletter. I am a beautiful dark skinned woman. I have gorgeous eyes and I feel worthy of love and desire. I think about my childhood and how much other African American kids teased me about my color. I know it’s something every African American person adult or child with dark skin deals with from other members of their own race. I think of Cornelius and Toi the founders of Cave Canem. I love self-love in my 30s. There is a God this is the proof. There is no brokenness Jesus cannot heal. I’m the proof! I am thinking about next summer and getting myself a few new dresses, Coach flip flops and a pair of Burberry sunglasses on ebay!

I am a beautiful proud African American woman. I feel good about myself in my 30s. I didn’t feel good about myself as a teenager or in my 20s. My teens were difficult. If the rest of my years are this good I’ll be happy. Every time I think “I’m schizophrenic” I think of the memoir I’m writing or getting 10 likes on this blog. I hope to eventually get 20 likes on this blog. I love my name. It describes me. I have weight issues but I am going to try to get down to 205lbs. I love 1X sexy! I want a jewelry line. That will make me happy!

I get compliments on my eyes often. People call me “Black Beauty”. I say beauty comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. The fact that I am included in the definition of beautiful and I have black skin means we have come a long way in who is and who isn’t included in the definition of beautiful. The fact that people say “Ayesha is beautiful” makes me happy. The fact that I feel beautiful and see myself that way is beyond words. I don’t wish my skin color was light or white. I feel like a black beauty. I realize what I never knew before I entered my 30s about beauty, being desired or desireable and being me.

The Ayesha brand! From my memoir, Ayesha’s Story to my blog TheAyeshaSite to my first chapbook Through Ayesha’s Eyes. I want to publish a children’s book The Ayesha Karim story as well. It’s all a part of the Ayesha brand. I may have a line of jewelry one day. I may have a clothing line one day or a children’s clothing line.