I try to help my mom, my grandmother, my family, and my friends. I want to try to have a relationship with a man of my choosing. I want to have more independence also writing for children and teenagers too. By next January 2021 I will be getting a certificate from The Institute of Children’s Literature. I am psyched. I like myself. I like the successes I am having as a writer. I no longer hold on to anger about the past it helps me worry less. I’m letting go. I want to just enjoy all of my things that were happy successes I could call my own. All I have is the time I have left with my friends and loved ones.
In the past when I struggled to find my way and felt down or discouraged I tried to form friendships and relationships with people so I wasn’t so isolated. All it took was becoming a part of NAMI Mercer NJ’s volunteer squad or peer volunteers. I enjoyed volunteering over the years. I felt so happy even around the holidays being a part of such a wonderful team of peer volunteers who were all trying to rebuild their own lives. Most of the organization’s volunteers make up the team that is NAMI. We have three parties every year in the social group for adults too. I recommend trying to get involved with NAMI to all my peers with mental health problems. You can do a little research online to see if there is a NAMI in your state and city or town.
I think that positive cancels negative in most situations and I pray now. Prayer is a form of meditation. I do things I enjoy that’s my happiness. My life followed its own trajectory, life happens you can’t plan life it is just the nature of things. I try to not dwell on my past. I believe in God. God is making a way for me even now because I am sure and I can tell that God’s power has been in my life. God is diety not a person. I think sometimes it may be sad but regardless of what each person may believe I believe in God. I know God is a good God. We all have different stories each person has a story in life but the one universal thread is people regardless of background who may have had trauma in their lives or things happen to them at the hands of people who may have gotten hurt early on or had some trauma in their lives that still them as adults. I know here in America many of the adults that are really affected by trauma inflicted upon them by a teacher at school or a parent I notice even young kids doing things like committing suicide. It is really hard sometimes especially for some adults who have difficult mental illnesses and struggles that you may never know just how hard their illnesses are for them. I like that I am a part of NAMI. As a peer volunteer, I like to be able to at least renew my membership to NAMI every year. I did so yesterday. I know sometimes when I think of the divine intervention I had I say “Thank you, God for making this possoble”.
I had a conversation with my mom on how angry and sad it made me feel as a child to be singled out for bullying by other kids at school and in our neighborhood that was then Crown Heights section of Brooklyn. I feel happy to say I really like myself but I dealt with bad bullying as a kid. I thank God I didn’t internalize any self hatred or anything. I feel like it’s cool to be me now. I like being honest about my experiences. People appreciate honesty and I think it makes my story more relatable too.