I am happy that I have reached a point in my life that I can feel good about myself despite my mental illness.

I know God is right here with me. I pray for a better world and less war and chaos. I know some people don’t have the comforts that I have. My life is a good life though. I am happy with my choices. I need to be able to choose what I do. I wish this corona virus pandemic will be over sooner rather than later. I have been also thankful to God for the social supports I have at NAMI but I will be rescheduling my praxis core reading test once I get an email. I will probably arrange to take core in September one part at a time. I know if I study for an hour a day until I can get the okay from Disability Services at ETS.

The things people told me seemed to indicate that something had shifted and brought me to where I am a good place in my life.

Feeling good about myself gave me my life back. As a child, I experienced a lot of bullying. I found my voice as a writer. You have to be able to talk back to people who may always tell you certain things, but you need to know that you are just as good as anyone else. You can’t live your life according to what people think about you or say about you for good or for ill. You should fix yourself up once a month and get your hair shampooed and styled and get a manicure and a pedicure too. It seems like a small thing, but you should reward yourself by taking good care of yourself. You get your one life and that’s it. When I turn forty next January 2021 I want to able to enjoy my birthday with a friend or at least do something good for myself that day. Life is too short not to be able to appreciate and enjoy your life.

I had a spiritual awakening one day and I realized God wasn’t distant he was right here with me.

Sometimes trials are what make you stronger as a person. It’s not so much what you go through it’s how you were able to overcome difficult experiences and trials in your life. I know my ability to be resilient has to be the most important aspect for me. I couldn’t see giving up on myself. I am actually happy in the mornings when I wake up. I don’t want to die I want to live and enjoy my life. I encourage friends and people who suffer from similar mental health concerns that you can rebuild your life. You can set short term goals and long term goals. I recommend NAMI to people too. NAMI is a wonderful organization with programs for adults living with a serious mental illness. I know that God and spirituality are the things I turn to instead of needing to get revenge. I felt stressed out and tense all of time until I found a creative outlet in the form of poetry and writing in my journal. I am a happy writer. I want to be able to just take things one step at a time. I recommend people who feel overwhelmed a lot of times to make a to-do list and check the things off you do one thing at a time. You need to make a list of things you need to do. Make a list and put it on paper. You may find that by making a list it’s easier to list the things you have to do and get done one at a time. I hope this helps someone else. I am trying to get my first vehicle and driving lessons too. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you can’t take care of yourself and think about your friends and family too.

I feel more free now that I am older to just appreciate, live, and enjoy my life while I have my life.

My life followed it’s own trajectory. The happiest moments for me were the four nominations I received for blogger awards. I notice some days that a few countries like the content on my blog. I think on of the coolest gifts a person can have is to write songs. I think songwriters are cool. I notice a lot more recording artists are writing songs for their mental health. I don’t know if I can write a song but I penned quite a few poems and a female friend of mine encouraged me to write poems for my loved ones. I thought it was a cool idea. I know a lot more know than I did before. It’s cool to be able to be myself more and stand out. The more I am able to just stand out and not try to be like someone else the happier I am. I hope I can find someone I really like and be able to have a committed relationship in the near future. Life is too short living one foot in the past and on foot in the present. We all need to stop and smell the roses and be more in the moment. I am going to focus on getting my license the summer. I can do it.

Mental illness may be an invisible illness but the illness is no less real.

Mental illness stole years of life from me. I have been living with a difficult mental illness for twenty five years. The illness I have is so hard to live with. It wasn’t until I took WRAP class that stands for wellness, recovery, action plan. I knew my life had changed the moment I had an experience that was with the divine or God where God caused a supernatural peace to wash right over me maybe five or more years ago. I decided that instead of seeking revenge or returning evil for evil I would say prayers every morning when I wake up to God. I’m an early riser who likes waking up early and brushing my teeth, using my oral rinse and taking a fifteen to twenty minute shower in the mornings when I wake up. I can’t wash my hair too often but every two or three weeks I wash my hair. I went au naturale too. I no longer use hair relaxers. I like braiding my hair the most for a natural hair style.

Today’s Reflection

I had always loved to play with my dolls as a little girl. The dolls I had all looked like me because I had a caring mother that fostered my self image when I was just a little girl. All my dolls looked like me. I understand now as I age my life gets better even though I ain’t no celebrity. Hollywood is not for me. The things I most value don’t cost as much and I always think of the people who supported me along the way. I remember my humble beginnings in Brooklyn the place I am from and I take every chance I get to help my mom and my grandma and also my closer relatives out. I friended some of my family on Facebook. I have a budget I have to stick to that I have to be moreĀ  consciously aware mostly of what I can and cannot afford. I will focus on getting things that are cute and more affordable or at least on sale.

I shared my story every chance I got.

Writing my memoir was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. Having taken a memoir workshop and an advanced memoir workshop studying creative writing and doing a lot of writing in journals that I will never share gave me something. The more I write in journals the better I feel. I had a poem in the newsletter this February 2020 the poem’s title is Poem for my grandfather. I always think of my grandpa. I miss him. I also love and care about my grandmother. I got her gifts last Christmas and for her birthday. December is actually my grandma’s birth month. I remember as a child she would wrap up little gifts at Christmastime and give me and my younger girl cousin gifts under our Christmas tree. I still give my grandma a gift and a birthday gift each year to let her know she is loved and appreciated too. I got my mom a really beautiful card for Mother’s day and we’re going to Costco to order a cheese pizza pie and I plan to get her a bouquet of roses too. I want my mom to feel special for mother’s day.