I weighed in today at 245 lbs. I can lose weight. My highest weight was 276 lbs. I lost 31 pounds. My lowest weight was 235 lbs on the doctor’s scale. I weigh myself on a digital Weight Watchers scale.
I know I don’t like to be compared to anyone else. I like to be myself and just kind of do the things I do. I feel like as women we get compared to each other a lot. I know I feel uncomfortable being compared to other women younger than I am. When I am compared to a woman my age I will most often welcome the comparison because the woman is my age. I am going to be 38 years old in six days on January 28, 2019. I am looking forward to going out and getting a manicure and a pedicure on my 38th birthday. Younger women have a lot to learn but need to be given the space and the time to learn it. I have things to learn too but I’m open to learning from older women who have things to teach me. There is a lot to be said here. I enjoy cooking and I am going to experiment in the kitchen at home with a variety of recipes to share with my family.
I have yet to find a nice guy that wants to be a father. I have taken a few breaks with a one or two nice guys but I don’t think any of the guys want to become fathers. I love men but I need to be sexually attracted to a man before I’d agree to a relationship. I have to like the man. If I don’t like the man’s picture then I don’t have a relationship with the man. I have to want to sleep with the guy (do you know what I mean?). If he’s all cute and handsome and we have Chemistry and he wants kids we can go on dates but he has to want me and the baby.
I learned that it’s better to be nice somebody. Thinking about the power of kindness and positive thinking makes me feel like I’m doing all the right things. I remember how rude certain people were to me. I feel like mean-spirited people ruin things for other people for a reason. I’m a happy person. I’ve had a lot of nice breaks in my life. I’m not the happiest person but I remind myself to smile when I have successes so I am able to enjoy things. You only get your one life. I’m trying to live more at the moment than thinking about the future. I like the present moment a lot more than planning too far into the future. I’m taking it one day at a time.
I remember my kindergarten teacher Chiquita. She was beautiful. She was a sophisticated lady too. She came into my thoughts today. She smelled like Newport cigarettes and perfume. I loved her smell. I always take a shower once in the morning and spray perfume on my neck. I want to become a kindergarten teacher. I will soon. I have two years or so to finish my second Bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education.
I’ve had many successes and I can honestly say that it’s great to be where I am now and embrace being unique (myself). I don’t think I ever felt like it was as easy to be me but now it’s effortless and it’s good to be Ayesha Karim now. Being me was always good but it took time for me to see and say yeah “I’m Ayesha Karim. I’m a black girl.” I felt like I was kind of used to watching and seeing other people do cool things and have successes way before I ever had successes of my own. I love being me in my 30s. I’ll be 38 next week and here I am. Having success in my 30s feels really good. I feel like this is my best decade ever. There’s nothing I’d really change or do differently. Life is sweet as a ripe strawberry!
Every time I think of how so many good attractive women go and change their appearance to look more white I feel on the verge of tears. Changing yourself is never a good thing to do. You were already unique and attractive. Why change yourself?