I never got special treatment from anybody.

It wasn’t until I was in my late 20s that I thought of the treatment I got as a child. I wasn’t really a little girl who had a lot of friends or a person people thought of as really important. I knew by my early 30s that I had for the first time started to feel my own worth and importance as a female, as a woman and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that God was real. I had a supernatural peace wash right over me on a day I just wanted to hide and not be seen by the world. My illness was really hard for me sometimes it is still kind of difficult for me. My mom always drove me to appointments with the doctor and dentist. I tried to get some gifts for my loved ones for Christmas and for their birthdays for all of my closest relatives I got them each a nice gift and/or a holiday card. I connected with family and friends on Facebook too. I tried to connect with all my relatives on Facebook. That was a fun thing to connect with all of my friends and family on Facebook.

“Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.”

There is a poem by poet Langston Hughes called Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair. I really like the poem. I know many people think certain people have an easier life than they do. It’s easy to not appreciate your blessings in life. The successes I’ve had in life really humbled me. Cool people I’ve gotten to connecting with on WordPress and also through my years of volunteer work at NAMI. Never get so complacent that you bite the hand that feeds you or forget the people in your life that encourage you, compliment you, and support you. The kindness you show people say more about you than anything in life. You don’t necessarily have to focus on the job that will bring you the most money. Choose your job based on what you love and are passionate about, and the recognition will be the icing on the cake. Money doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness. Some of the poorest people in spirit are rich, wealthy people who have every comfort and everything handed to them that’s why I chose my job based on recognition I get from the community. My first job in a long time was mentoring at my alma mater Mercer County Community College where I got my associate’s degree in May of 2007. I wanted to give back to Mercer as an alumna. I have an alumna success story too.

This was the first success I had in a long time.

I recently turned thirty nine years old this year. I had resolved to put difficult times in the past because of a spiritual awakening I had. I was not even totally cognizant of my emotional disturbance until I was in high school. As a child I was bullied badly at school and even in my neighborhood I lived in with my family in Crown Heights section of Brooklyn. Brooklyn is a special place for me and holds a special significance for me because it’s the place I was born and lived until I was about thirteen years old. I think of Brooklyn’s famous Junior’s restaurant and how it’s famous for making cheesecake. Junior’s has been making cheesecake for a while they can be ordered on QVC on a cable TV or the home shopping network. I just love Junior’s strawberry cheesecake. I always get a slice of strawberry cheesecake when I am in town. I visited my grandmother in Crown Heights yesterday.

The more I am able to do the happier I feel.

I have done quite a bit of volunteering at NAMI over the years. I had quality of life too over the years as a volunteer and a consumer of the social group for adults. I have never had much popularity in my life. This is one of the coolest opportunities I have had where I can stand out and just be myself and share things getting four nominations will be one of the coolest experiences I have had. My illness is really difficult for me even though I have had a few other successes for me life after turning thirty was a process of self discovery. I discovered that I am a cool person too. I may have quirks and differences but I have decided and learned to accept those things too. Getting compliments on my clothes and fashionable coats and jackets makes me feel really good. I now focus on being more frugal and only going to department stores when they have good sales because I can get more if I focus less on brand name clothes. Occasionally, I get a nice designer coat but I don’t focus on those things anymore. I have been putting a wardrobe together since last summer. I lost a significant amount of weight and I am looking for smaller size clothes to fit by this fall of 2020.

The moment I became more comfortable in my own skin was the moment I turned to God and spirituality.

One day I had a divine peace and calm wash right over me. I knew at that moment that peace was God my higher power. I have started praying for myself and my loved ones. I know God helped me to make peace with my difficult illness. My mental illness stole years of my life from me. I do volunteer work for NAMI Mercer NJ. I am retrying to pass the Praxis Core reading exam.  There are three parts of the Core exam there is reading, writing and math. I hope to get my accommodations letter approved. I know I can pass the Core reading comprehension exam if I get accommodations. I know I will pass this second time. I have been studying my prep book.

I envision a better world. I have hope for the future.

I am actually for world peace, I know God is bigger than the boxes we put him in and by that I mean along religious lines and also racial lines especially in the U.S.A. I know my identity was formed by learning things that were different that I question sometimes because my childhood was spent at a school that taught us things that were different and the world is changing for the better. God sees our hearts and says we can have impact but we need to think about the next generation too. I feel cool if someone likes my blog but I have a social media presence only because of the bloggers here on WordPress. Different countries liking the content makes it cool for me. I notice so many foreign countries and I think wow this is cool too. This is the first experience I have had like this.

I now understand why life gets better after your 30s.

I was a young girl of about twelve years old in high school. I was teased a lot for my dark complexion. It wasn’t so much what I was eating but what was eating me. I was an emotional eater. Certain things about racism are just hard for me as a black woman but I think of the Tupac song “Keep your head up”. I have often gone back or returned to writing in my journal and writing poems. I know now it has been something I felt like I was able to heal from years of past hurts, things that really affected me as a child. I kept journals. I was Karima wheat and I was told I was too dark too black but I got some compliments too. I never made a big deal about it. Sometimes when I think of Northern racism I remember so many unexpected beautiful surprises in my 30s. It’s been my best decade yet. I know this was a part of God’s plan for me. My advice to people is don’t plan your life. Let yourself just take it one day at a time. There’s no need to worry about the future. God is in control.