Nothing gives me more independence than the ability to work. I do volunteer work. I worked part time for three years with my summers off as a mentor. I had so much stress about my work history being almost non-existent before. All that was left was my time spent as a volunteer. I know I want the independence of a full time job but I am also studying for the Praxis Core. I took a prep class at NJCU and the professor told me I needed to review grammar. I will do that for the next few weeks and in early January I am going to reattempt the Praxis Core reading.
I refuse to give other people power letting how they feel about me effect how I feel about me. I buy myself nice clothes when there is a sale. I treat myself a lot of the time. I’m middle class. I have my mental illness. It doesn’t have me. It’s always kind of been a struggle for me in my life. All it took were successes in my 30s. That helped me a lot with gaining confidence in my own abilities. I work part time. I also volunteer with NAMI. I’m looking forward to Christmas and New Year’s day. My 39th birthday is in late January 2020. I am going to enjoy the life I have. I will just keep on living. I don’t want to die. I have a difficult illness too.
I am going to not judge myself. I am trying to see if I can pass the basic driver examination permit test so I can start driving. This will give me the independence I never had because of my early onset of my mental illness. I want to just retest the permit test that I will take on the computer. I will say a sincere prayer. I can’t wait to get my permit and start driving.
People gave me compliments and I started to feel better about myself after maybe turning 30 or 31. I felt good about being me for the first time in my life really. I told myself “Esha you are nice too.” I know sometimes even if people compliment you most people don’t realize that they need to look within if they want to build their confidence as a person. I had a difficult adolescence. I was a little girl when a female teacher than liked me skipped me two grades. I was one of the students in her school and she liked me. I had a few nice experiences in college but I realized I could have done better but the way I procrastinate is crazy. I now focus on taking one class a semester and I just devote my free time to reading a few chapters of a book. I read a book a month. I’ve read ten books in the last year including Issac Mizrahi’s memoir. It’s really a good book so far.
I recommend wholistic health. I also say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. I believe all health comes from fruits and vegetables. A plant based diet has always been healthier. I eat fish and certain seafood but no to meat. I love vegetarian chicken salad sandwiches. I love salads with olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette. I know salmon is a good fish. I also love fresh bread and even fresh bagels.
I had a job at the local community college for three years. I found out the first day that I was enjoying the work I was doing as a mentor. I thought of my experiences just working with the students in the program called D.R.E.A.M. acronym for developing real expectations for achieving mastery. I really established a rapport with the students. I feel like most of the students in the program seemed comfortable with me. I felt great especially when Dr. Onaitis who was the counseling specialist at Mercer offered me the opportunity to give back to Mercer. I felt great just being able to give back to my alma mater and creating my own success story. I was a Mercer alumna and I had some problems there but Mercer is a good school and most people are approachable and nice. I don’t think you can be free of problems they go everywhere you go.