I am not giving up. I started getting driving lessons. I need a few months to get better at driving. Driving is a skill I can and want to learn to get good at. I am driving and it feels good to be in the driver’s seat. I will retest and take my road test in early September of this year. I feel like God is smiling on me because God healed me. God is my source of strength to draw from. I believe in God. I know God is with me in my difficulties and oh what a relief it is to know I am not alone in this. I want to have as many allies as I can.

I look within for the solutions to my problems.

I try not to look outside of myself for solutions to my problems. I really like and accept myself the way I am. God made a way for me to be healed. I appreciate my supporters, family and friends. My parents are supportive. I thank God my health is very good. I look at the simple things in life because they have importance. I live with my parents. I try to not isolate myself. I am looking for a job. I am trying to be more productive and help my mom and my grandma and also my stepfather. I got a nice gift for my mom for Mother’s day and a card. I also got my mom a nice gift for the holidays a pair of boots for winter. I am from New York City. I always have friends tell me they can hear my New York accent. I was born and raised for my early childhood in Brooklyn, New York. I took buses and trains to school and most places I went. Once when I was twelve years old my mom had her car window bashed out broken and someone tried to steal her car. My mom got her license in her 20s when she was trying to finish college. My family need my support. I am getting driving lessons and hope and pray I can pass my road test in early September later this year. I want to get my license!

I am trying to learn how to drive this year. I want to be able to pass my road test by the third try.

I am trying to get driving lessons and to pass the DMV road test in NJ. I have had a few driving lessons but I decided to go to Princeton Driving School. I have two set appointments for mid-late May of this year. I have had my examination permit since late last August 2020. I hope that by labor day weekend I can take and at least pass my road test the third time around. I have never learned the hand-over-hand steering technique but I will try to learn how to drive well enough to pass my road test on the third try. I like driving though. I look forward to upgrading to a probationary license in late July or Labor day weekend at the end of this summer. I see getting my license and learning how to drive at forty as a good step for me to be taking. I want to get a preowned vehicle too. I like the Jeep Renegade. I also really like the Honda HR-V. I will try to not go over ten grand for my first preowned vehicle to get around with. I will celebrate getting my first car too!

I gazed into my mirror at my own reflection. I was amazed at how this woman that is me became so much more comfortable in my own skin. As I got older I felt so much more comfortable the way I am. I check myself out on certain days and I put on my black cherry Revlon lipstick. I gaze at my reflection and say to myself “I like me”.

I realized lately that I should never compare myself to anyone else. I will never compare myself to anyone else especially if I look nothing like the person. I am glad that I got more comfortable with myself just the way I am. I see otherwise attractive women change their appearances from what they look like. I like myself more now that I am older. I turned forty and forty for me is a milestone age to have reached and oh what a relief it was to know that God’s been walking with me all this time.

Faith and divine intervention restored my life. I am more inclined to positive thinking. We all have a little bit negative in us but I have always associated my positive outlook with higher power or GOD. In a beautiful messed up broken world like this one we’re bombarded with negative things but I have always believed in GOD. I will hold on to my faith, and I know it will carry me through until I get where I am trying to go.

I find more now as a forty year old woman that being unique is something I like. Being able to stand out and do things like blogging were things I will always remember like bringing in the new year 2021 with a Paris wall calendar. I am cool! I can celebrate myself. I always liked poet Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself. It was like his invention but even though I don’t know what the poem is saying I just thought “Song of Myself” wow!

I have goals. I am trying to learn how to drive at forty, but I am not judging myself against high schoolers. I am older now. I am celebrating my success of passing the knowledge test at the DMV. I celebrate and give myself a pat on the back as I step out on faith that I was at least able to pass the knowledge test with 40 questions correct out of fifty questions. I am trying to get a part time job. I still volunteer with NAMI. I read a book a month. I try to read magazine articles too. I don’t watch TV anymore but I am on the internet all the time.

I am holding on to my faith in God.

Most nights I have a good night sleep but occasionally I have trouble sleeping. I pray also. Most mornings I pray to God aloud in my bedroom. I am trying to think of friends and family. Someone’s random acts of kindness can be something you or I can benefit from. Most people that are nice to others like helping other people and supporting their friends and loved ones. I have had a pretty good relationship with my mother and my grandma always said she loved my pretty dark brown eyes she told me my irises reminded her of licorice. I try to help my mom out more in the house and also when we go out shopping at Walmart or Costco Wholesale where we often shop. I am trying to budget my money better. I want to save for my first car. I am going to be forty with my license but so what I know I can practice driving and I’ll make it. I won’t give up!

I have to give the credit to God for happy birthdays older. I recently turned forty in late January. I brought in the 2021 new year with a Paris wall calendar I purchased at Barnes and Noble. I know if nothing kept me from having successes older I’ll just celebrate those successes I had older. I thank God every day for things I had successes with older. Last year Miss Michelle blogging in Paris, France who recently nominated me caused me to stand out. I knew a guy that was in a Chanel ad once. I consider Madamoiselle Coco Chanel to be a fashion icon. I remember the French seemed to even like former president Obama. As a tween I wore a lot of Esprit clothes. I was one of the few young girls that had to have Esprit clothes I shopped for in Macys, and the Esprit store in Manhattan. As a New York native people say they even hear my New York accent when I talk.