“Ayesha you’re so bougee.” I really like the accent she has.
I let out my hurt feelings and I cried yesterday. My voices were really bad. I said prayers for the first time in a long time. I have a book with some prayers in it by Max Lucado. I didn’t know it but God has been walking with me all this time. Even when things get difficult sometimes I’m always aware of God being just a prayer away. I see all the people reaching out to me and I like it. Things are going well. I had a rough night the night before but I slept well and this morning I woke up early and I took a shower.
When I wake up in the morning I say “thank you God.” Before I go to bed at night I say “thank you God”. I sometimes have difficulty sleeping but most nights I’m able to get sleep. The more I sleep the more I heal. I had such trouble sleeping in my teens and 20s that now that I’m in my 30s I know I need to make sure I get a good night’s sleep on most nights of the week. Sleep is essential for my mental health. I have to get to bed by 11 pm and get seven or eight hours of sleep. I can’t function without my sleep I’ll snap. Sleep is my biggest trigger.
I wake up at 5 am and go back to sleep until 8 am. I realize I need my sleep. I snooze until 8 am or so. I go to bed by 1 am. I can function the next day once I get five hours of sleep.
Trying to be something you’re not takes a lot of effort. When you know you are being true to yourself and doing your thing you smile through tears and those are the times when you surprise yourself thinking back to times when it was harder for you to smile but you think I’m here now!
Not a day goes by that I don’t have several migrane headaches. It’s hard. I can’t always focus because my headaches are so bad and my ears hurt.
I wish myself happiness and a lot of smiles today. I plan to go to get a manicure and pedicure at 10 am later this morning. I am going to really treat myself to a manicure and a pedicure. I’m going with my mom and we’re going to enjoy ourselves. I will spend today writing down my writing goals for May 2019.