I heard someone I knew that I took a Cave Canem poetry workshop say “Ayesha was popular at Cave Canem in the fall 2015 poetry workshop she took there”.

I felt supported. I felt like I was being given helpful information. I felt like Simone White’s fall 2015 poetry workshop was awesome. I felt like it was one of the nicest experiences I’d had. I also am relishing this time of being nominated for four blogging awards. I feel like things are really going well for me. I am also working on finishing a course in how to write for children and teenagers. I am halfway through this course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I know I am going to have my author contract signed and I plan on being able to publish my first children’s books in the next two years.

I am a girl. I am a girly girl.

I love pink. I love to wear my hair in two French braids. I love the color pink. I recently got someone to paint my room light pink. I feel feminine. I love perfume. I love sweet smelling body wash. I have good hygiene too. Some days I force myself out of bed because I have to take care of myself daily and I do most days of the week. Certain days I chill at home. I am trying to balance work and play but I read everyday. I am always checking for books on amazon.com or in blurbs in  magazines to see what new books are out there waiting to be discovered by me to read. I also read a lot of poetry.

I read Jean Toomer’s Cane and Claudia Rankine’s Citizen as a part of the poetry workshop I was a part of.

I read two poetry books in the fall of 2015 as an assignment I had  for the poetry workshop I took at Cave Canem. I found myself enjoying Jean Toomer’s Cane even when I know the reaction is different from people. I found myself just loving Jean’s writing but there were criticisms. I realize no author escapes criticism. Sometimes the critical voices in my head can be difficult for me to silence. I feel better about myself than I ever have in my life and I don’t want to let the feeling of liking myself the way I am go. It’s so hard to hear mean critical voices. I remind myself (people compliment me too). I have to remind myself “Esha you are nice too”. The hardest part of life for me is hearing mean cruel voices. I could not explain it without my ears hurting me and I even get anxious. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder back in 2012.

If I feel sad or my mood is low I just remind myself of how well my blog is doing and I see that I am doing fine.

My blog is nominated for four blogger awards. I am working on my course to write for children and teenagers. I am going to submit three articles to teen magazines for publication. I am doing fine. I need to focus on the things that are going well and  see all the good in my life. I want to enjoy and appreciate my life.

I was taught to value education since I was a child. I’ll be 39 years old in January 2020.

I value education and school and learning and advancement. I think those things are very important. I still value education as an adult. I read books. I read about a book a month. I have been on amazon.com using my account to buy books. I will continue to read and I plan on taking a 30 minute walk to get some cardio most days of the week. I lost over 40 pounds on my own. I need to move more. I feel excited that I didn’t need to have to get help. I did it by myself I followed a pescatarian eating plan and I just eat less and I lost weight but I was hospitalized for blood clots in my lungs and my blood pressure was high. I had an appointment with a cardiologist this week.

I feel really blessed to be where I am now.

I am at a good place in my life right now. I feel good about myself. I am not down on myself ever. I see so many positive aspects of myself and my life now that I think 2019 is my best year yet. I have so much to be thankful for. I know God wanted me to be able to feel good about myself and enjoy my life as I am. This is the best outcome I could have hoped or dreamed of and I am just going to enjoy my life and the things I have. I did a shopping trip over the weekend to Kohls and I got quite a few items for fall 2019 from dresses to pants to leggings to sweat shirts. I got some nice things.

I am for relationships in my future.

I want to be able to form and keep friendships I was able to form over the years with friends I have at NAMI Mercer NJ who also struggle with their difficult mental illness. I have been working since January 2016. I am back to work this September 2019. I will be working this semester. I also plan to retest for the Praxis Core Reading test next January 2020. Early in January I plan to retest and take the core reading test for the second time. I may try a third time to see if I pass. I may be able to pass this second time. I’m studying the Barron’s Praxis Core Exams and I will be studying it for the rest of this year. Early January 2020 is retest.