Life is 100 times better as a non-smoker.

I feel like my life is so much better as a non-smoker. I never realized how much better I feel free from the influence of smoking. I started to smoke because of peer pressure. I was not strong enough to speak up and say no thank you. If I was stronger I probably could have turned the person down who offered me a puff on a cigarette. Now I realized my voice was developed writing but I really never voiced much. Even when I cough I know that 20 years of smoking has affected me. I’ve been smoke free for almost 5 years to date. In July I’ll have my five year quit anniversary and I’m proud I can almost say that I’ve been smoke free for five years. WOW! I am stronger than I know I’m not crazy. I even lost almost 40 pounds on my own. Now I am focusing on eating healthier, drinking more water,and walking for exercise. I need cardio for my heart. I love being able to go outside in the summertime. I just need to be aware that I can’t be out for more than thirty minutes on my medications. I bought a few new dresses for summer and a nice one for back to work in the fall of 2019 at Mercer.

Life can be stressful with a critical voice in my head that criticizes me.

It has never been easy for me. Even as a child I had been bullied so badly by other kids and even kids that were older than I was. Being age 38 feels good though. My 30s are my best decade so far. I know this is a great time in my life for me to enjoy. I’m doing well. I am careful what I say to people. I want to be able to enjoy my life and celebrate my three blogging award nominations without people that don’t like me raining on my parade. This is my reason for not sharing my memoir with anyone but my memoir teacher and focusing on my blog and my book project. So many things are going my way. I want it that way. I have a feeling this cool fun thing called memoir writing is not easy for any writer.

I have had a strange realization.

I am so fortunate to have the things I have. I got special double wide shoes for myself. I had gotten certain shoes since I got my foot measured at an Easy Spirit store in Quakerbridge Mall in my mid-20s. I discovered that my feet are double wide width for the first time. When I wear comfortable shoes I feel so much better. My mom got me a pair of sandals that she bought on QVC made by a foot doctor. I also once purchased a pair of nice dark brown/black shoes by Dr. Scholl’s. I like the Hush Puppies shoe brand too. I also love Schechers and I recommend these shoes for ladies that are on their feet and want comfortable shoes or sandals for their feet. I used to cram my foot into tight shoes but no more. I have found the secret to happy feet and I had to share it.

I am going to wear my hair natural from now on.

I decided to go natural. I’m 38 years old. I’ve always used hair relaxers in my hair and I now realize I should have never used those chemicals in my hair. I decided to change it and to never use relaxers in my hair again but I love shampooing my hair and having my hair smell good. I have an appointment at Le Petite salon today at 3 pm. I will be getting my hair shampooed. My hair is almost all natural and I hope I’ll have a good shampoo and blow dry. I just need my afro trimmed and oiled. I am semi-vegetarian now too. I am on the chicken and seafood diet. I am eating healthier mostly salads and vegetables with protein and fresh bread.

The process of writing my memoir was therapy for me even if I never publish it.

I wrote a memoir and suddenly I felt like I had gotten emotions out that were hard for me to feel but the memoir writing process was great for me. So far I have over 223 pages and I even have three contained memoir pieces that are 10 -15 pages per piece each. I want to give my thanks to Edvige Giunta. Edi is such a wonderful person to have a student/writer relationship with. She cares about me and I care about and appreciate her. She is so cool the way she teaches memoir at NJCU and other English courses. I think it’s very cool how Edi has a syllabus that requires a Composition notebook to use as a process journal to write your pieces in.

I am going to be transferred to a day program called Oaks Integrated Care in Trenton.

I am compliant to treatment. I want to work on my illness. I am going to be transferred to an adult partial care program in Trenton called Oaks Integrated Care. I’m okay. I think I have a friend who may be there and I think if she and I are at the same program I’ll have a friend there and I can also make a few friends at this new program. I know I can use the program to learn coping skills and to work on my goals. I have a short term goal to learn how to drive and a long term goal to go back to school. I also want to finish writing and revising my memoir book project I’m working on with Edi Giunta.

I now power down the internet and my TV by 11 pm.

Eleven p.m. is lights out in my house so I go to bed then and I put my head on my pillow and close my eyes and sleep. Sleep is my biggest trigger. If I don’t sleep it throws me off. I can’t function without being able to sleep 11 pm at night until 6 or 7 am. I feel rested even if I sleep until 7 am. I don’t like to take naps but I need to be able to get my beauty sleep. I know sleep is important to my health. I am at a partial care program right now called Hampton and I like it there. I feel happy to be waking up in time to get the van that comes to take me to program and to cook myself a breakfast too.