I go out driving. I am older. I am glad I took this step toward more independence for myself. God is good. I try to maintain a positive outlook. The more independence I attain for myself the better I’ll feel. I’ll feel my age.

I started to like myself a lot more as I got older. I am age 41.

When I was a child I was bullied and teased incessantly about my complexion. I had light brown relatives and relatives that were dark in coloring. I didn’t have weight problems as a child but I was a little husky. When I started high school a few months into my freshman year in high school I got my first period. I lost some weight. After years of poor nutrition and weight gain on psych meds I lost fifty pounds and feel somewhat better. I would like to take off some more weight but not that much more. I want to lose 100 pounds from my heaviest weight. I lost forty or more pounds eating vegetarian lunches and dinners. I like myself. I got a few new clothing items online. I feel pretty good. I have a difficult illness that is hard for me. I take my meds though. I am not a superwoman. I need to make sure I take all of my medication to be at my best. I don’t think people should be ashamed if they have a mental illness. I volunteer for NAMI and have for years. I value my role as a client at a mental health agency. People want to be able to reintegrate into society and not be stigmatized because of their mental illness.

I had my 41st birthday yesterday.

I am forty-one years old now. I believe in God. I thank God first and foremost for all the good in my life. I know God in my life made all the difference. I will think of things to be grateful for every time I feel like complaining. I know the peace of God is what helps me to sleep better. I praise the Lord for all my progress. I know in this season God is blessing me. I like who I am and the person I have become. I have a feeling of peace on the inside from God. I sleep better too! I will always trust God and I know He has my best interests in mind.

I’d make the case for getting more comfortable the way you are than trying to be like someone else. It wasn’t until I got older that I started to feel like “I like myself more now”. As a little girl, I was often told I was “too black” and I was always nice but told no. I appreciate the people in my life. I’ve formed a few friendships and I push myself to socialize a little more. I am more of an introvert but I like socialization too. I had some social anxiety but not nearly as much as I had in the past. People are meant to socialize. I force myself to try to be more social. Idleness is the devil’s playground. I always felt like something was going on, but I thank God he is in this with me.

When it shows that you are learning from your mistakes in life it is teaching you something. I learned from my mistakes. I learned the hard way. I had no control over the situation I was in. I graduated from college a few years ago. I have my Bachelor’s degree. The farthest I got in school was a 4-year degree. I feel cool about getting four blogger award nominations though!

I believe in God. I praise God for being there for me.

Many times in my life I didn’t know where to turn. I now turn to spirituality for my sanity and mental health. I pray many mornings when I wake up from my sleep. I am thankful that God cared enough about me to heal me. I think of all the unexpected friendships I formed over the years. I realize life is better with friends and although I have never been a popular person I am becoming more comfortable with my life and with myself as I am. I am starting to feel blessed just to be where I am now. I think the miracle God gave me could have only come from the Lord. I reassure my family and my friends that I care about them also. I try to be a supportive peer to many of my friends and peers that can use a little help. I never thought of a ministry but I want to help support some of my friends with similar challenges by arranging to take a friend or a few friends out to lunch. I am getting driving lessons and trying to get my license by March or April of this new year.

Happy new year WordPress!

I try to focus on what I do have more than all that I don’t have. I live in the richest country in the world The United States of America. I am trying to get driving lessons. I have a goal to get my first used car in June of 2022. I have goals. I hope to get a job in childcare and to save some money working. I can look at all I do have instead of all I don’t have. I am blessed. I know God is with me. I pray. I seek God. I try to remind myself that spirituality keeps me sane and grounded. I am grateful for my parents, my family, and my friends. I am trying to get my first car in the summer. I am thankful for the new year. I have resolutions to lose more weight. I lost forty or forty-five pounds on my own without anyone else’s help. I know I am capable because I lost weight on my own. I am believing God to get my first car in the summer. I will buy a used black Toyota Camry sedan. I want a simple car that is nice and elegant at the same time. I hope to save money to buy a new Camry sedan. I may save $100 or $200 every month so I can budget my own money for a new black Camry sedan in two years from now. I want to wish all my bloggers a healthy and happy and prosperous new year!

I am a victor with God on my side, not a victim.

For years of my life I thought “why me?” I know God was saying to me “I cared enough about you Ayesha to heal you.” I have had difficult experiences in my life but everyone will have difficult experiences in life. God healed me. I pray to Him more. I am trying to develop a prayer life. In my life, I at least formed a few friendships so I can seek counsel from a friend. I have made a few new friends. I like talking things over with my friends instead of a therapist or a doctor. I keep certain things to myself. I feel pretty good though. I have been driving for a year. I am trying to get more practice driving. My mom lets me drive her Honda SUV. I really like my mom’s Honda SUV. I hope to buy a used Jeep at a used vehicle dealership somewhere. I slept well last night. I usually get up at 6 am in the mornings. Today is Sunday. It’s the official start of the week. I have a difficult illness. I will continue to stay involved with NAMI. I need social supports.

Writing is something I really enjoy. I like putting my thoughts and feelings down on paper. I realized my dream of becoming a writer. I am grateful for what I have. I find more things to be grateful for. I am more myself after years of blogging. I remind myself that I am a strong person. My faith in God grounds me. I am sure God hears my prayers. I am happy I have my family and friends in my life. I will not withdraw. I will face my fears. I will try to face situations and confrontations and not run away. I have issues in my life. Everybody has issues they face. I became comfortable in my own skin older. As a little girl, I was bullied a lot by other girls and sometimes boys. Kids would tease me badly because I am dark brown in complexion. I try not to talk about colorism too much. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes when people say I am too dark. I feel very comfortable older with myself the way I am. I find it to be strange that people try to change their appearance. There are so many otherwise attractive people that try to change their appearance. I would make the case for becoming comfortable with yourself just the way you are.

I am working on ways to boost my mental health. I take a warm shower every morning. I try to focus more. I sometimes have trouble focusing and zone out. I am trying to learn how to drive. I drive well though. I just need more practice driving. I want to get my provisional driver’s license and I will if I pass my road test. I am trying to think more of my mom and my family. I try to help my mom more. My mom is my primary caregiver. I take care of myself though. I try to help my mom on weekends by doing laundry. I cook occasionally too. I pray to God. I believe in God. My faith in God is what grounds me.