Author: TheAyeshaSite

I am a Black Guyanese woman. I'm thirty nine years old. I went back to college to take Early Childhood Education classes. I want to get a second 48-credit BA degree in Early Childhood Education by 2021. I go to NJCU. I have a BA in Creative Writing from NJCU. I graduated from NJCU in August 2015. I transferred to NJCU from Mercer. I have my AA degree from Mercer in Humanities and Social Science since May 2007. I write poems, I write memoirs, I'm a blogger and I am taking a children's lit course. I love reading memoirs. I also do book reviews from time to time. My favorite poet is Emily Dickinson. I grew up in Ewing, New Jersey. I live in Princeton Junction with my parents!

I find more now as a forty year old woman that being unique is something I like. Being able to stand out and do things like blogging were things I will always remember like bringing in the new year 2021 with a Paris wall calendar. I am cool! I can celebrate myself. I always liked poet Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself. It was like his invention but even though I don’t know what the poem is saying I just thought “Song of Myself” wow!

I have goals. I am trying to learn how to drive at forty, but I am not judging myself against high schoolers. I am older now. I am celebrating my success of passing the knowledge test at the DMV. I celebrate and give myself a pat on the back as I step out on faith that I was at least able to pass the knowledge test with 40 questions correct out of fifty questions. I am trying to get a part time job. I still volunteer with NAMI. I read a book a month. I try to read magazine articles too. I don’t watch TV anymore but I am on the internet all the time.

I am holding on to my faith in God.

Most nights I have a good night sleep but occasionally I have trouble sleeping. I pray also. Most mornings I pray to God aloud in my bedroom. I am trying to think of friends and family. Someone’s random acts of kindness can be something you or I can benefit from. Most people that are nice to others like helping other people and supporting their friends and loved ones. I have had a pretty good relationship with my mother and my grandma always said she loved my pretty dark brown eyes she told me my irises reminded her of licorice. I try to help my mom out more in the house and also when we go out shopping at Walmart or Costco Wholesale where we often shop. I am trying to budget my money better. I want to save for my first car. I am going to be forty with my license but so what I know I can practice driving and I’ll make it. I won’t give up!

I have to give the credit to God for happy birthdays older. I recently turned forty in late January. I brought in the 2021 new year with a Paris wall calendar I purchased at Barnes and Noble. I know if nothing kept me from having successes older I’ll just celebrate those successes I had older. I thank God every day for things I had successes with older. Last year Miss Michelle blogging in Paris, France who recently nominated me caused me to stand out. I knew a guy that was in a Chanel ad once. I consider Madamoiselle Coco Chanel to be a fashion icon. I remember the French seemed to even like former president Obama. As a tween I wore a lot of Esprit clothes. I was one of the few young girls that had to have Esprit clothes I shopped for in Macys, and the Esprit store in Manhattan. As a New York native people say they even hear my New York accent when I talk.

I woke up with gratitude this morning. I am so thankful to God for healing my brokenness. I believe God is the only person that can heal another person. This world needs God more than ever. I try to reach out to friends and family. Sometimes all people need is someone that cares. Random acts of kindness could change the world. I know prayer helps me more than therapy. I rather cry out to God. I know my God hears my prayers. He is all I need.

I am thankful for my life. I pray to God for help in my room. I thank Him for supernatural healing. I know for sure God has been walking with me all this time. I think Claudia Rankine is cool. I read Citizen her poetry collection and I loved it. She is a poet and a playwright. She also teaches Creative Writing workshops at a college in California. I studied Creative Writing in college. I loved my major. I read a book a month too. I am reading Alicia Keys memoir. It is not bad so far. I think she is cool though. I am looking to buy a preowned car. I am taking the road test in April. I have made peace with my illness. God is so much bigger than the problems I have. I look at the positive aspects of my situation I am healed. I know if I help anyone this world is full of broken people, and God healed my brokenness.

I know now that I am older that I feel so much more comfortable with myself on the inside. I try not to compare myself with anyone else. I am going to be myself. I have come to terms with who I am. I really like myself the way I am. I always get compliments from other people. That always makes me smile when someone smiles at me or says hello. I believe God is the only healer. I try not to judge others. I kind of just live my own life. I am excited now that I can breathe and be.

I know now not everyone is going to be as thrilled with you as you are with yourself, but that’s okay “I really like myself. I feel like that is the thing I will focus on. It feels good to be in a good place. My life is still good. I also try to eat healthier. I lost weight on my own. The more I did on my own the more confidence it gave me. I have to say to myself I am a strong person. I may get knocked down but it’s not going to stop me from getting back up. In other words giving up hope is not an option. Enemies try to discourage you but I am so motivated that I won’t go any further. My illness is so hard for me. I try to stay close to family but I am trying to get a preowned car.

This land is your land this land is my land from California to the New York island. I once had a friend tell me they can hear my New York accent. I am from Brooklyn and my absolute favorite restaurant is Junior’s restaurant famous for making cheesecake. I called because I wanted to arrange to get a slice of strawberry cheesecake when I am in town.

I am much happier now that I am older. I’m glad I learned to accept myself just the way I am. Everyday we are bombarded with images of super skinny fashion models that are our standard of beauty in this society models that are dying to be thin. I became vegetarian because I want to become healthier. I have been an emotional eater since childhood. I am trying to make healthier choices and break the cycle of obesity. I lost forty pounds on my own. I want to buy myself a really nice 26″ women’s bicycle online. I’ll try to spend the spring and summer riding my new bicycle outdoors. I plan to take thirty minute bike rides starting in May of this year. I went online on www.walmart.com but most of the bikes are out of stock. I will look in the Walmart on Route 130 in NJ.