Author: TheAyeshaSite

I am a Black Guyanese woman. I'm thirty nine years old. I went back to college to take Early Childhood Education classes. I want to get a second 48-credit BA degree in Early Childhood Education by 2021. I go to NJCU. I have a BA in Creative Writing from NJCU. I graduated from NJCU in August 2015. I transferred to NJCU from Mercer. I have my AA degree from Mercer in Humanities and Social Science since May 2007. I write poems, I write memoirs, I'm a blogger and I am taking a children's lit course. I love reading memoirs. I also do book reviews from time to time. My favorite poet is Emily Dickinson. I grew up in Ewing, New Jersey. I live in Princeton Junction with my parents!

My relationship with myself got a lot better as I got older. The change in me started in my early 30s. I started to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I started journaling and writing poetry. I knew God was there. I had a supernatural experience having a supernatural peace wash over me restoring my sanity. The experience gave me hope. I am holding on to my faith in God. I think we all need God in our lives. Satan creates chaos and reeks havoc on people’s lives because he’s a trouble maker. I pray most mornings when I wake up. I thank God for causing me to be resilient. God is the person who caused the healing of my soul from hurt feelings and verbal abuse from people that barely knew me, but they still talk about me negatively. I was bullied a lot as a little girl but I credit God and spirituality for saving my life. I like most of the contemporary Christian songs on the Star 99.1 radio station. I can’t get through a car ride without the radio. I love to listen to the radio. Music has been my past time for along time. As a child I listened to the radio a lot too.

The more I accept myself flaws and all the better I will feel. All of my life I have had my share of haters. I try to assert myself more. I know if I had been a bullied self conscious I thank God I at least can see myself as attractive. I love how things in my life worked out. Though I was older at the time I will always remember the experiences I had being nominated for four blogger awards. I thank God for being there for me. I pray most mornings when I wake up. I am also making sure I go to sleep by 9 pm too. I need my sleep. I try to go to bed earlier and give myself an hour or two hours of extra sleep and not wake up until 8 am.

I believe in God. I know I am going to be able to keep on living, and I’m not going to give up on me. I say it is not how many times you try it is the will to keep on trying. In my life everything that was hard for me I resolved not to give up on myself. Others opinions of me may be different, but as I got older I started to feel better about myself. I got teased very badly as a child. I always got called mean vicious names. I feel good about myself though despite these things being true for me all of my life.

I think of riding a women’s bicycle at the Jersey Shore in my mid-20s. I really enjoy riding a bicycle. I am thinking about my life differently because I had most of my successes older. I am forty but I believe learning is life long. I am reading a book I checked out from the library. I read a book a month. I am also a writer who is finishing a course in writing for children. I am estatic that I have had so many successes in my ICL course.

I thank God for healing me.

As a child I got bullied often. I had felt very self conscious as a child. I feel better about myself now that I am older. I am very comfortable in my own skin and I don’t just focus on me all of the time. I know helping friends and family is something I will always try to do. I also plan on applying to do volunteer work with NJ Library for the Blind in Ewing, NJ. I want to volunteer to read there and be recorded. I hope I can also publish children’s books. After I work on the assignment I am working on I have a final assignment that is a manuscript for a children’s book. I have a few ideas already for a narrative nonfiction book about my youth with a mental illness called Selling Chocolate but the assignment I am working on for the next week is called MAMA’S LITTLE HELPER a fictional children’s book idea.

I love the arts. I am a poet I went to a few poetry slams. I believe socialization is a major factor in the life of children from childhood all the way up through college. I always wrote poetry as a little girl. The schools I went to were good schools but they were public schools. One day in the summer of 2016 I entered this competition put on by the VSA of NJ called the NJ wordsmith competition. I liked the experience. I had a guy I was dating take a few photos of me and my mom and my stepfather Neil. I always loved writing poetry since I was nine or ten. For someone who is just starting to journal or write consider writing in a journal. I graduated from college at the age of thirty four. I had good and bad experiences in college but for years I volunteered with an organization known as NAMI, and I will continue to. The wordsmith competition ended in 2016. I remember them saying it was the 22nd annual competition. I met a young woman who has been one of the winners and we made small talk. I know sometimes it really does help to write your thoughts and feelings down. I kept journals for years and I always felt like writing was a way of healing too.

I read a book by author Louise DeSalvo called Writing as a way of healing.

Now that I am older I know I can do things too. I experienced trauma early on in life. I had successes older, but I had a really early onset of mental illness. I pray to God. I believe in God. I feel God’s presence and it makes me thank God for interconnectedness, and the ability to connect with other people. I am trying to be honest with myself too. I know God is the person I’d thank for my successes in my life older. I don’t look at anyone else’s now that I have a little shine of my own.

I don’t have a perfect life but I appreciate my life. You don’t have to have a perfect life to want your own life. People should gain an appreciation for their own lives and the reasons I don’t have to look back at way back when is because I had successes older. I recently turned forty but I thank God every day for my life.

I have always been a positive person. I pray more now. I thank God for salvation. God chose to heal me. God is the great healer.

God is the one I will always praise for saving this nerve wracked soul of mine. I had hard experiences but I had good experiences too. I had successes older. I thank God that I am healed. I will always believe in God. God is good. His ways are higher. His ways are better.

I looked in the mirror today and saw myself smile at my reflection.

I feel overcome with gratitude to God for healing me. As a little girl I didn’t always understand and I asked questions a lot. I was an inquisitive child too. Now that I can see myself as attractive I can say I feel good now that I am older and feel better about myself. I felt like an alien a lot as a little girl who just always felt picked on or left out but not anymore. I have always felt people had other reasons for not liking me but I am not sweatin’ it. My 30s were pretty good and life gets better the more you start to embrace yourself. I know as a forty year old that although I have formed quite a few friendships I don’t need to focus on gaining popularity I can celebrate myself being infamous and becoming a writer.