I am trying to come up with 10 things to do when I feel sad.

There are things I can do when I feel sad. I can take a walk in the park with a friend. I can go to a dance class. I can color at home in one of my adult coloring books. Doing things when I’m sad helps me to feel better. I took a wellness recovery action plan class several times and it really helped me to feel better. I plan to take the course again just to have an action plan of what I need to do. Drawing and coloring and writing are big on my list. I’d try biking too. I’d be open to canoeing and kayaking now too. I feel like trying things I never thought I’d try before. I may be interested in learning how to play the guitar too.

Thank you Stuart, for nominating me again and this time for the Leibster award 2019!

Wow what a way to start 2019! Check out Stuart’s blog y’all.

Interesting facts about me

I smoked for twenty years from age 13 to age 33. I experimented with cigarettes at age 12. I started smoking on the roof of my old apartment building in 1994. I do drink wine and wine coolers to celebrate once in a while. This coming July 2019 will mark five years smoke-free for me. I love adult coloring and art.

I nominate the following blogs

  1. Nirant Gurav
  2. Neha Kulkarni
  3. My Life Aspects
  4. Laleh Chini
  5. Indianeskitchen
  6. Sumit Official
  7. Kim 881
  8. positivesideofcoin
  9. Whinney

My questions to you are:

  1. How many times have you felt an intuitive voice telling you something and didn’t listen to the voice?
  2. Do you love aquariums?
  3. Do you ever go to the Jersey Shore?
  4. What’s your favorite restaurant?
  5. Do you like art?
  6. Do you like music?
  7. Do you read for pleasure?
  8. Who are your favorite authors?

Even if I’m sad sometimes…

I found my happy place with pursuing my goals and getting out there more. That is where I am and I feel like I’m finding my happy place. Believe me this is something that didn’t just happen along the way. It’s something I had to do. When I walk I know I never walk alone. My life was never easy. I try to be very careful and I get anxious.Yesterday I was on Facebook and a new friend commented on my post I felt validated again especially when I’ll add he’s older and he volunteers for NAMI, the organization I volunteer for. I love NAMI. I feel like organizations like NAMI give mental health consumers a place to volunteer and quality of life. When I volunteered to co-facilitate a support group called Connection I did it to stay connected. Mental illness is hard without peers that understand the nature of the illness. No one else really understands.

I realize now that I’m pretty cool too.

I feel so excited about my blog now that I have over 110 followers. My thoughts and feelings have been validated by so many blogger friends on http://www.wordpress.com where we all have our blogs published. I feel like I can do almost anything now.I am so thankful to you guys. I always felt alone going through my illness. I have had a part-time job for three years. I love my job. I’m a Mentor for the DREAM program at Mercer for students with intellectual disabilities. It’s one of the first jobs I’ve had that I really enjoy. I have to take the Praxis Core. I have to study to be able to pass the test. I need to work on my studying because test day is the last Saturday in January. My 38th birthday is coming up. I’m looking forward to it!

I’m doing well.

I am able to sleep at night with my meds. If I need a good night’s sleep and I have trouble sleeping I always feel really tired until I can get some sleep. I am able to sleep since my early 30s. I always had trouble sleeping since I was a little girl. I know I need my sleep to function. I need four or five hours the night before to function and get up and go out where I have to go. If I get four or five hours of sleep I can so anything I have to do the next day. I can function on four or five hours of sleep. I like to sleep until about 7 am or 8 am when I usually wake up in the morning. I like to get up early and get on the internet. I always have breakfast.

Why I Write

I’m a newbie writer. I’m celebrating four years of blogging today. I write because I just love to write. I write because people seem to like what I write and it creates a bond with my readers. I feel so interconnected with readers of my blog that I am happy I started blogging. I used to feel all alone or like I was all by myself before I shared my writings with people and to my surprise people love my writing. I’m kind of into over sharing too. I like to be able to share my story with as many people as I can. If people are interested I feel overcome with happiness. I had 100 copies of my poetry chapbook and now I have like 70 or 80 copies left to sell. I’m anxious to sell all of the copies but I’m running out of people to ask and waiting to see if the ten people I asked recently happen to respond. Writing is the only thing I get pleasure from in my life. Writing is something I can do alone and connect to people. I just love writing!

Untitled (poem)

Pretend games
Black children play
Overgrown women
needing an escape
marijuana
Poems of escapism
School bullying
I signed the banner at Mercer
Where I alumna Ayesha Karim
circle back to work as Mentor
The ways the kids got high needing
an escape
I tell all of them
I don’t smoke
I remember how all of the dreams
I was dreaming seemed to lose their meaning
I will continue to hold on to my faith
I know a lot more than I did before
If I grew up playing rope in the park
or on my great aunt’s block
with telephone wire
We used to play rope I am sure
I will always be beautiful too.