I believe in God. I know I am going to be able to keep on living, and I’m not going to give up on me. I say it is not how many times you try it is the will to keep on trying. In my life everything that was hard for me I resolved not to give up on myself. Others opinions of me may be different, but as I got older I started to feel better about myself. I got teased very badly as a child. I always got called mean vicious names. I feel good about myself though despite these things being true for me all of my life.

I think of riding a women’s bicycle at the Jersey Shore in my mid-20s. I really enjoy riding a bicycle. I am thinking about my life differently because I had most of my successes older. I am forty but I believe learning is life long. I am reading a book I checked out from the library. I read a book a month. I am also a writer who is finishing a course in writing for children. I am estatic that I have had so many successes in my ICL course.

I thank God for healing me.

As a child I got bullied often. I had felt very self conscious as a child. I feel better about myself now that I am older. I am very comfortable in my own skin and I don’t just focus on me all of the time. I know helping friends and family is something I will always try to do. I also plan on applying to do volunteer work with NJ Library for the Blind in Ewing, NJ. I want to volunteer to read there and be recorded. I hope I can also publish children’s books. After I work on the assignment I am working on I have a final assignment that is a manuscript for a children’s book. I have a few ideas already for a narrative nonfiction book about my youth with a mental illness called Selling Chocolate but the assignment I am working on for the next week is called MAMA’S LITTLE HELPER a fictional children’s book idea.

I love the arts. I am a poet I went to a few poetry slams. I believe socialization is a major factor in the life of children from childhood all the way up through college. I always wrote poetry as a little girl. The schools I went to were good schools but they were public schools. One day in the summer of 2016 I entered this competition put on by the VSA of NJ called the NJ wordsmith competition. I liked the experience. I had a guy I was dating take a few photos of me and my mom and my stepfather Neil. I always loved writing poetry since I was nine or ten. For someone who is just starting to journal or write consider writing in a journal. I graduated from college at the age of thirty four. I had good and bad experiences in college but for years I volunteered with an organization known as NAMI, and I will continue to. The wordsmith competition ended in 2016. I remember them saying it was the 22nd annual competition. I met a young woman who has been one of the winners and we made small talk. I know sometimes it really does help to write your thoughts and feelings down. I kept journals for years and I always felt like writing was a way of healing too.

I read a book by author Louise DeSalvo called Writing as a way of healing.

Now that I am older I know I can do things too. I experienced trauma early on in life. I had successes older, but I had a really early onset of mental illness. I pray to God. I believe in God. I feel God’s presence and it makes me thank God for interconnectedness, and the ability to connect with other people. I am trying to be honest with myself too. I know God is the person I’d thank for my successes in my life older. I don’t look at anyone else’s now that I have a little shine of my own.

I don’t have a perfect life but I appreciate my life. You don’t have to have a perfect life to want your own life. People should gain an appreciation for their own lives and the reasons I don’t have to look back at way back when is because I had successes older. I recently turned forty but I thank God every day for my life.

I have always been a positive person. I pray more now. I thank God for salvation. God chose to heal me. God is the great healer.

God is the one I will always praise for saving this nerve wracked soul of mine. I had hard experiences but I had good experiences too. I had successes older. I thank God that I am healed. I will always believe in God. God is good. His ways are higher. His ways are better.

I looked in the mirror today and saw myself smile at my reflection.

I feel overcome with gratitude to God for healing me. As a little girl I didn’t always understand and I asked questions a lot. I was an inquisitive child too. Now that I can see myself as attractive I can say I feel good now that I am older and feel better about myself. I felt like an alien a lot as a little girl who just always felt picked on or left out but not anymore. I have always felt people had other reasons for not liking me but I am not sweatin’ it. My 30s were pretty good and life gets better the more you start to embrace yourself. I know as a forty year old that although I have formed quite a few friendships I don’t need to focus on gaining popularity I can celebrate myself being infamous and becoming a writer.

I started to pray. I believe in God. I know for myself that there is power in positive thinking. I stay away from negative people. I choose to let the past go. I am still going to live my life. I am going to enjoy the time I have left here on earth. No one is promised tomorrow myself included. I recently turned forty and it feels good to be older. I had a thought “wow I am forty now.” I feel like I can kind of say “I am doing pretty well”. I feel better now that I am older because of WordPress.

I recently celebrated my 40th birthday.

I got a huge white sheet cake with chocolate buttercream frosting and in pink icing it said Happy birthday Ayesha. I ordered my cake from Costco Wholesale bakery. I gave most of my birthday cake away but I hade a piece or two. I lost forty pounds on my own and I decided to give away most of my birthday cake. Turning forty and being in a good place is a miracle for me. I know God has been there for me. I pray most mornings when I wake up. I get up really early too. I have my phone set to alarm at 6 am. I am getting my sleep and refuse to stay up past 10 pm. I need my sleep. I turn in most nights by 11 pm. I know if I am really tired I need to stay up but I turn in earlier now. I know sleep problems trouble me once in a while so I make an effort to get my zzz’s.