I am trying to learn how to drive this year. I want to be able to pass my road test by the third try.

I am trying to get driving lessons and to pass the DMV road test in NJ. I have had a few driving lessons but I decided to go to Princeton Driving School. I have two set appointments for mid-late May of this year. I have had my examination permit since late last August 2020. I hope that by labor day weekend I can take and at least pass my road test the third time around. I have never learned the hand-over-hand steering technique but I will try to learn how to drive well enough to pass my road test on the third try. I like driving though. I look forward to upgrading to a probationary license in late July or Labor day weekend at the end of this summer. I see getting my license and learning how to drive at forty as a good step for me to be taking. I want to get a preowned vehicle too. I like the Jeep Renegade. I also really like the Honda HR-V. I will try to not go over ten grand for my first preowned vehicle to get around with. I will celebrate getting my first car too!

I gazed into my mirror at my own reflection. I was amazed at how this woman that is me became so much more comfortable in my own skin. As I got older I felt so much more comfortable the way I am. I check myself out on certain days and I put on my black cherry Revlon lipstick. I gaze at my reflection and say to myself “I like me”.

I realized lately that I should never compare myself to anyone else. I will never compare myself to anyone else especially if I look nothing like the person. I am glad that I got more comfortable with myself just the way I am. I see otherwise attractive women change their appearances from what they look like. I like myself more now that I am older. I turned forty and forty for me is a milestone age to have reached and oh what a relief it was to know that God’s been walking with me all this time.

Faith and divine intervention restored my life. I am more inclined to positive thinking. We all have a little bit negative in us but I have always associated my positive outlook with higher power or GOD. In a beautiful messed up broken world like this one we’re bombarded with negative things but I have always believed in GOD. I will hold on to my faith, and I know it will carry me through until I get where I am trying to go.

I find more now as a forty year old woman that being unique is something I like. Being able to stand out and do things like blogging were things I will always remember like bringing in the new year 2021 with a Paris wall calendar. I am cool! I can celebrate myself. I always liked poet Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself. It was like his invention but even though I don’t know what the poem is saying I just thought “Song of Myself” wow!

I have goals. I am trying to learn how to drive at forty, but I am not judging myself against high schoolers. I am older now. I am celebrating my success of passing the knowledge test at the DMV. I celebrate and give myself a pat on the back as I step out on faith that I was at least able to pass the knowledge test with 40 questions correct out of fifty questions. I am trying to get a part time job. I still volunteer with NAMI. I read a book a month. I try to read magazine articles too. I don’t watch TV anymore but I am on the internet all the time.

I am holding on to my faith in God.

Most nights I have a good night sleep but occasionally I have trouble sleeping. I pray also. Most mornings I pray to God aloud in my bedroom. I am trying to think of friends and family. Someone’s random acts of kindness can be something you or I can benefit from. Most people that are nice to others like helping other people and supporting their friends and loved ones. I have had a pretty good relationship with my mother and my grandma always said she loved my pretty dark brown eyes she told me my irises reminded her of licorice. I try to help my mom out more in the house and also when we go out shopping at Walmart or Costco Wholesale where we often shop. I am trying to budget my money better. I want to save for my first car. I am going to be forty with my license but so what I know I can practice driving and I’ll make it. I won’t give up!

I have to give the credit to God for happy birthdays older. I recently turned forty in late January. I brought in the 2021 new year with a Paris wall calendar I purchased at Barnes and Noble. I know if nothing kept me from having successes older I’ll just celebrate those successes I had older. I thank God every day for things I had successes with older. Last year Miss Michelle blogging in Paris, France who recently nominated me caused me to stand out. I knew a guy that was in a Chanel ad once. I consider Madamoiselle Coco Chanel to be a fashion icon. I remember the French seemed to even like former president Obama. As a tween I wore a lot of Esprit clothes. I was one of the few young girls that had to have Esprit clothes I shopped for in Macys, and the Esprit store in Manhattan. As a New York native people say they even hear my New York accent when I talk.

I woke up with gratitude this morning. I am so thankful to God for healing my brokenness. I believe God is the only person that can heal another person. This world needs God more than ever. I try to reach out to friends and family. Sometimes all people need is someone that cares. Random acts of kindness could change the world. I know prayer helps me more than therapy. I rather cry out to God. I know my God hears my prayers. He is all I need.

I am thankful for my life. I pray to God for help in my room. I thank Him for supernatural healing. I know for sure God has been walking with me all this time. I think Claudia Rankine is cool. I read Citizen her poetry collection and I loved it. She is a poet and a playwright. She also teaches Creative Writing workshops at a college in California. I studied Creative Writing in college. I loved my major. I read a book a month too. I am reading Alicia Keys memoir. It is not bad so far. I think she is cool though. I am looking to buy a preowned car. I am taking the road test in April. I have made peace with my illness. God is so much bigger than the problems I have. I look at the positive aspects of my situation I am healed. I know if I help anyone this world is full of broken people, and God healed my brokenness.