I woke up early this morning.

I got up brushed my teeth and took a good shower. I decided to spend a few minutes this morning praying to God and talking to Him one on one. I also plan on going to church this coming Sunday and volunteering to work with the kids. I have been working for over three years now at Mercer with young adults with intellectual disabilities helping them with basic reading and writing skills. I also take notes for them during their classes. I enjoy the work.

I have to make sure I get my sleep.

My 30s have been my best decade so far for getting sleep on any given night. I usually sleep seven or eight hours each night. I am usually able to sleep most nights. From time to time I have trouble sleeping. I love to be able to get an extra hour or two of sleep if I’m really burnt out and tired from a long drive or commuting to NJCU by train and bus but I’m going to continue to commute to NJCU until I finish my second Bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education. I have my goal in mind. I have to pass the Praxis core reading and writing before I can register and I need a math course to prepare me to take the math section of the Praxis Core exam. I got a 134 on the reading but with an additional month or two of studying on my own I know I can retest and I can pass with a 156 or better score.

I like looking the way I look without changing to try to look like someone I am not.

I always see pretty young ladies with color contacts and hair that they bleached and colored even hair extensions that they don’t need. I always see girls who are already pretty girls and then they change their look. I wish I could say to them you looked prettier before you bleached your hair or put unnatural color contacts in your eyes. I feel like this should change. I feel like black women and women of other backgrounds too have this problem where they don’t realize their pretty women without changing their look. I remember a girl with a curly Afro. I had to stop relaxing my hair and I went natural. All of the relaxers were so strong and they are really bad for all of us. I relaxed my hair for years before I realized how bad it was for me, my brain and my hair. I have a brain illness and I vowed never to relax my hair again. Now I am trying to get into natural hair care. I have to talk to some natural hair care experts. I plan to go to an African hair braiding shop and get cornrows. I love that hair style but I want to get my hair washed.

I’m reading Lying by Lauren Slater author of Prozac Diary.

I love this memoir so far. I’m on Chapter 4. Lying is a great memoir. I just love the book so far. I have been thinking about my memoir that I’m working on The Schizophrenia Memoirs. I have to talk to Edi Giunta about what the structure of my memoir is going to be at Mega Memoirfest in May. I’m going to try to get a ride from one of the friends who are going to be at the party. I have to check my NJCU email and just be patient. April only has 30 days and it’s already April 15th. The semester seems to be going by so fast. I work tomorrow at Mercer from 10-3.

I remember the things my great aunts used to say to encourage me.

When I was a little girl my grandmother and her sisters my great aunts used to often compliment me and say nice things to encourage me and tell me to focus on God and say my prayers. I found my spirituality through a spiritual awakening where suddenly I saw beauty in nature and I had an experience with the divine or God or Jesus and I just knew and for the first time I was sure. I was not alone in this journey. I had an experience where I had a peace wash over me from my head all the way down to my stomach. I felt like I was just being soothed and calmed. I knew then that there is more than just this life or existence. There is more. There is a God!

Since I was a child my unique name has made me feel like a special girl.

I know now that I’m older that I am special. I feel special. I have had experiences where I have been able to find opportunities to shine. I have done things I’m very proud of. I feel happier. I think about what I’m going to be doing tomorrow and the next day. I know now that there’s really nothing I can’t do if I believe in myself. I have to keep telling myself and reminding myself of that. The things people may say about me that are negative don’t have to negatively affect me. People can be very negative. I just know that my mental health is important to me. If I can give advice to any of the mental health bloggers out there is to try to find injectible medication that control your symptoms you have because of your mental illness.