I had my 41st birthday yesterday.

I am forty-one years old now. I believe in God. I thank God first and foremost for all the good in my life. I know God in my life made all the difference. I will think of things to be grateful for every time I feel like complaining. I know the peace of God is what helps me to sleep better. I praise the Lord for all my progress. I know in this season God is blessing me. I like who I am and the person I have become. I have a feeling of peace on the inside from God. I sleep better too! I will always trust God and I know He has my best interests in mind.

I’d make the case for getting more comfortable the way you are than trying to be like someone else. It wasn’t until I got older that I started to feel like “I like myself more now”. As a little girl, I was often told I was “too black” and I was always nice but told no. I appreciate the people in my life. I’ve formed a few friendships and I push myself to socialize a little more. I am more of an introvert but I like socialization too. I had some social anxiety but not nearly as much as I had in the past. People are meant to socialize. I force myself to try to be more social. Idleness is the devil’s playground. I always felt like something was going on, but I thank God he is in this with me.

When it shows that you are learning from your mistakes in life it is teaching you something. I learned from my mistakes. I learned the hard way. I had no control over the situation I was in. I graduated from college a few years ago. I have my Bachelor’s degree. The farthest I got in school was a 4-year degree. I feel cool about getting four blogger award nominations though!

I believe in God. I praise God for being there for me.

Many times in my life I didn’t know where to turn. I now turn to spirituality for my sanity and mental health. I pray many mornings when I wake up from my sleep. I am thankful that God cared enough about me to heal me. I think of all the unexpected friendships I formed over the years. I realize life is better with friends and although I have never been a popular person I am becoming more comfortable with my life and with myself as I am. I am starting to feel blessed just to be where I am now. I think the miracle God gave me could have only come from the Lord. I reassure my family and my friends that I care about them also. I try to be a supportive peer to many of my friends and peers that can use a little help. I never thought of a ministry but I want to help support some of my friends with similar challenges by arranging to take a friend or a few friends out to lunch. I am getting driving lessons and trying to get my license by March or April of this new year.

Happy new year WordPress!

I try to focus on what I do have more than all that I don’t have. I live in the richest country in the world The United States of America. I am trying to get driving lessons. I have a goal to get my first used car in June of 2022. I have goals. I hope to get a job in childcare and to save some money working. I can look at all I do have instead of all I don’t have. I am blessed. I know God is with me. I pray. I seek God. I try to remind myself that spirituality keeps me sane and grounded. I am grateful for my parents, my family, and my friends. I am trying to get my first car in the summer. I am thankful for the new year. I have resolutions to lose more weight. I lost forty or forty-five pounds on my own without anyone else’s help. I know I am capable because I lost weight on my own. I am believing God to get my first car in the summer. I will buy a used black Toyota Camry sedan. I want a simple car that is nice and elegant at the same time. I hope to save money to buy a new Camry sedan. I may save $100 or $200 every month so I can budget my own money for a new black Camry sedan in two years from now. I want to wish all my bloggers a healthy and happy and prosperous new year!

I am a victor with God on my side, not a victim.

For years of my life I thought “why me?” I know God was saying to me “I cared enough about you Ayesha to heal you.” I have had difficult experiences in my life but everyone will have difficult experiences in life. God healed me. I pray to Him more. I am trying to develop a prayer life. In my life, I at least formed a few friendships so I can seek counsel from a friend. I have made a few new friends. I like talking things over with my friends instead of a therapist or a doctor. I keep certain things to myself. I feel pretty good though. I have been driving for a year. I am trying to get more practice driving. My mom lets me drive her Honda SUV. I really like my mom’s Honda SUV. I hope to buy a used Jeep at a used vehicle dealership somewhere. I slept well last night. I usually get up at 6 am in the mornings. Today is Sunday. It’s the official start of the week. I have a difficult illness. I will continue to stay involved with NAMI. I need social supports.

Writing is something I really enjoy. I like putting my thoughts and feelings down on paper. I realized my dream of becoming a writer. I am grateful for what I have. I find more things to be grateful for. I am more myself after years of blogging. I remind myself that I am a strong person. My faith in God grounds me. I am sure God hears my prayers. I am happy I have my family and friends in my life. I will not withdraw. I will face my fears. I will try to face situations and confrontations and not run away. I have issues in my life. Everybody has issues they face. I became comfortable in my own skin older. As a little girl, I was bullied a lot by other girls and sometimes boys. Kids would tease me badly because I am dark brown in complexion. I try not to talk about colorism too much. It makes me uncomfortable sometimes when people say I am too dark. I feel very comfortable older with myself the way I am. I find it to be strange that people try to change their appearance. There are so many otherwise attractive people that try to change their appearance. I would make the case for becoming comfortable with yourself just the way you are.

I am working on ways to boost my mental health. I take a warm shower every morning. I try to focus more. I sometimes have trouble focusing and zone out. I am trying to learn how to drive. I drive well though. I just need more practice driving. I want to get my provisional driver’s license and I will if I pass my road test. I am trying to think more of my mom and my family. I try to help my mom more. My mom is my primary caregiver. I take care of myself though. I try to help my mom on weekends by doing laundry. I cook occasionally too. I pray to God. I believe in God. My faith in God is what grounds me.

I’m trying to force myself to be more grateful.

I am blessed. I have God’s presence in my life. God healed me. He cared enough about me to heal me. I believe in God. I cling to my faith in God. No matter what comes my way I am going to stand my ground. I have found certain things in my life still kind of hard living with my mental illness. I am supportive of my peers. Mental illness can’t be seen you don’t know a person that has a difficult mental illness is suffering from a hard illness because you can’t see the illness, but the illness is just as real as diabetes or cancer. For the peers I have that suffer from a mental illness some of them can’t find a job they like that doesn’t judge their abilities to work and support themselves. I thank God I have my parents, but I am seeking more independence for myself, and I’m trying to get a provisional license upgrade in December. Driving will give me more independence. I can drive on my own with my provisional license.

I learned valuable lessons from my failures.

I think it shows maturity when you try to learn from your mistakes. I learned from my failures. Actions and reactions have consequences. I think first before I react to a stimulus. I know I have been through a lot but I believe in God. I was healed by God. I felt alone for a long time but I am making a conscious effort to pray and seek God. Spirituality saved my life. I got teased and taunted a lot as a child. I would feel so sad when kids would bully me. I was bullied when I was a child by these two high school drop out girls. I started to like myself as I got into my late 20s and early 30s. I thank God I can see myself through different eyes older. I am forty. I look forward to my 41st birthday coming up in January. I try not to just focus on myself. I think of my aging parents. I miss my grandparents. They are both deceased. I am going out driving tomorrow morning. I hope to pass my road test and try to obtain my license.