One of the things I love about public libraries is the stacks of books. I also really enjoy reading. I read about a book a month. I’ve read some good books. I like reading the genre of memoir also. I know reading opens a whole new world to a child. I have a dream of publishing my own children’s books. I was told I had a gift with literacy by my oldest half sister Alison who is a literacy coach. She works for the board of education in NYC and she used to work as an elementary school teacher. I think the gift comes from my BA in English and Creative Writing but I didn’t get high enough grades to my dismay. I am doing well on difficult assignments and it makes me really happy. I have two assignments to finish my course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I am really excited and I am going to take my time and finish strong. I was informed that the last lesson gives me a chance to revise an earlier assignment I wrote in the beginning or the course. I will take that opportunity.
I feel cool to say I am nominated for four blogger awards
I express gratitude to my few supporters and I talk myself down from the ledge. When people say I did good I feel at ease. I know no one makes it alone. You need mentors and people to help you be accountable to God and the law. I know my God for myself. I feel his peace. I enter into a rest. I sleep better. I say prayers even afraid. I awaken to spiritual music and worship. I say power down at 9 pm and make sure you check your phone to know what the day and time is. Don’t forget. I got a new phone. I can’t afford an i-phone. I get a prepaid phone every two years. I love God. God is with me. I encourage myself. I can do it. I can make it with God in my life and friends and family to support me even if fewer and far between. I was in a hospital with blood clots in my lungs. I have been getting tests run to see if I am okay. I will wait for the results. I believe God’s report. I distrust the medical community. I lost almost fifty pounds on my own.
I try to help my mom, my grandmother, my family, and my friends. I want to try to have a relationship with a man of my choosing. I want to have more independence also writing for children and teenagers too. By next January 2021 I will be getting a certificate from The Institute of Children’s Literature. I am psyched. I like myself. I like the successes I am having as a writer. I no longer hold on to anger about the past it helps me worry less. I’m letting go. I want to just enjoy all of my things that were happy successes I could call my own. All I have is the time I have left with my friends and loved ones.
In the past when I struggled to find my way and felt down or discouraged I tried to form friendships and relationships with people so I wasn’t so isolated. All it took was becoming a part of NAMI Mercer NJ’s volunteer squad or peer volunteers. I enjoyed volunteering over the years. I felt so happy even around the holidays being a part of such a wonderful team of peer volunteers who were all trying to rebuild their own lives. Most of the organization’s volunteers make up the team that is NAMI. We have three parties every year in the social group for adults too. I recommend trying to get involved with NAMI to all my peers with mental health problems. You can do a little research online to see if there is a NAMI in your state and city or town.
I think that positive cancels negative in most situations and I pray now. Prayer is a form of meditation. I do things I enjoy that’s my happiness. My life followed its own trajectory, life happens you can’t plan life it is just the nature of things. I try to not dwell on my past. I believe in God. God is making a way for me even now because I am sure and I can tell that God’s power has been in my life. God is diety not a person. I think sometimes it may be sad but regardless of what each person may believe I believe in God. I know God is a good God. We all have different stories each person has a story in life but the one universal thread is people regardless of background who may have had trauma in their lives or things happen to them at the hands of people who may have gotten hurt early on or had some trauma in their lives that still them as adults. I know here in America many of the adults that are really affected by trauma inflicted upon them by a teacher at school or a parent I notice even young kids doing things like committing suicide. It is really hard sometimes especially for some adults who have difficult mental illnesses and struggles that you may never know just how hard their illnesses are for them. I like that I am a part of NAMI. As a peer volunteer, I like to be able to at least renew my membership to NAMI every year. I did so yesterday. I know sometimes when I think of the divine intervention I had I say “Thank you, God for making this possoble”.