TheAyeshaSite

The more I was able to stand out and not have to be compared to anyone else the more I realized I was meant to stand out. I just really always had pressure to do well even as a child, but I never used my disability to say I can’t work. I had the experience of community college but I had to take foundation courses before I could take college level courses. I really liked the school that I went to. I knew friends who went there but I had gotten into NYU school of professional studies and I decided to got to NJCU. I had an okay experience there but I am trying to just move forward with my goals and try to get a driving school to give me driving lessons. I want to be able to drive and I am also saving for my first vehicle.

I never really feared anyone but I know phobias are really magnified intense fears. It’s sometimes hard for me even now that I am older and wiser. I thought some people were nice but the truth is some people didn’t like me. I was a little pretty black girl too. I just always had my few friends and the people I associate with on my job but now that I have done volunteer work for almost a decade I focus on what matters. I have goals of driving at the age I am and just taking it step by step and buying my first vehicle. I really love the Honda HR-V I saw this lady driving and I know that I will try to take it step by step and get my first basic driver license. Boy is it cool to now be me!

I know this might sound cliché but I never recommend anyone to fall in someone’s footsteps. I just had so many beautiful surprises but I would study English and Creative Writing again. I also love art and artists. I feel like creativity is the best gift for one to have. Things in my life were always very different from maybe other kids but this one is my selfie. I always thought there was so much more to mental illness and creativity.  I learned about famous people who were affected by mental illnesses but even though I know and understand what this experience of madness is really like I never judge anyone’s pain as less than my own. I have a difficult illness but I know I will never give up hope.

The less stressed out I get the more I think of taking steps toward my goals and ways I can get better sleep at night. I know I sometimes have difficulty sleeping through the night. I go to bed at 10 pm now. I need my sleep. I try to get like seven hours sometimes eight but never more than that. I don’t need to sleep too much I just need to get in the habit of going to sleep at 10 pm. I am also following a pescatarian eating plan. So far I am down like almost fifty pounds. I did it on my own. My next goal is to not drink too much soda or juices because I had been drinking too much soda and sugary beverages. All I drink now is water and unsweetened tea. I also like healthy juice.

For me, focusing on my interests and the things I enjoy always reminded me of a happy childhood poetry story. I would love to find the Compositon notebook with some of my early poems that I penned in school. I asked around if a Composition notebook was laying around but my uncle said no. Darn I wish I could’ve found my Composition notebook. I like visiting Brooklyn where I lived with my family in a two family brownstone in Crown Heights. Brooklyn is way different from the way it was back then. I still like Brooklyn but there is a Bagel Pub around the corner that sells healthy juice and bagels and a hole host of deli options. I love the green machine spinach, cucumber, kale, strawberries and coconut water. I also know that the healthiest people are vegan. Meat lovers are not as healthy as vegetarians but I eat eggs. I just don’t do dairy because I am lactose intolerant. I love fish. I cook fish I usually like my fish broiled but sometimes fried. I like tuna fish on a plain bagel with craisins and apple slices. I always say no to meat but occasionally I have to have a piece of fried chicken. It’s the only thing I crave. I know milk chocolate tastes good but dark chocolate is healthier. Summertime at NAMI we usually have fried chicken in the park and go to a theater event. I love theater but most people don’t have the appreciation that I have for theater. Theater acting is something I really like to experience. Many members of the social group don’t care for theater. Theater is something I really enjoy.

This year I slept most of the day on my 39th birthday but I thank God I am sure I am never alone. I have my parents and I have my family. I have never experienced unconditional love with anyone other than my mother. People say really nice things about my mother. I just love the model authors I got from my memoir teacher at NJCU. I really enjoyed Lucy and Annie John by Caribbean novelist Jamaica Kincaid but I am actually an African American woman writer. I love some of the Caribbean novelists but my favorites just based on the writing alone would have to be Jean Rhys. I love her writing.

The side effects to my medications were bad. Many of the medications I took for my mental illness caused me drowsiness and even dizziness. I am trying to focus on all of my successes I had in my 30s instead of rehashing the past. I had some successes in my 30s that were happy successes too and for those I thank God. I think now that I registered for the Praxis Core I will definitely pass Core reading and I may just take the option to hand write my two essays. There are two three to four paragraph essays for the Praxis Core.

It wasn’t until I was in my late 20s that I thought of the treatment I got as a child. I wasn’t really a little girl who had a lot of friends or a person people thought of as really important. I knew by my early 30s that I had for the first time started to feel my own worth and importance as a female, as a woman and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that God was real. I had a supernatural peace wash right over me on a day I just wanted to hide and not be seen by the world. My illness was really hard for me sometimes it is still kind of difficult for me. My mom always drove me to appointments with the doctor and dentist. I tried to get some gifts for my loved ones for Christmas and for their birthdays for all of my closest relatives I got them each a nice gift and/or a holiday card. I connected with family and friends on Facebook too. I tried to connect with all my relatives on Facebook. That was a fun thing to connect with all of my friends and family on Facebook.

There is a poem by poet Langston Hughes called Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair. I really like the poem. I know many people think certain people have an easier life than they do. It’s easy to not appreciate your blessings in life. The successes I’ve had in life really humbled me. Cool people I’ve gotten to connecting with on WordPress and also through my years of volunteer work at NAMI. Never get so complacent that you bite the hand that feeds you or forget the people in your life that encourage you, compliment you, and support you. The kindness you show people say more about you than anything in life. You don’t necessarily have to focus on the job that will bring you the most money. Choose your job based on what you love and are passionate about, and the recognition will be the icing on the cake. Money doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness. Some of the poorest people in spirit are rich, wealthy people who have every comfort and everything handed to them that’s why I chose my job based on recognition I get from the community. My first job in a long time was mentoring at my alma mater Mercer County Community College where I got my associate’s degree in May of 2007. I wanted to give back to Mercer as an alumna. I have an alumna success story too.

I recently turned thirty nine years old this year. I had resolved to put difficult times in the past because of a spiritual awakening I had. I was not even totally cognizant of my emotional disturbance until I was in high school. As a child I was bullied badly at school and even in my neighborhood I lived in with my family in Crown Heights section of Brooklyn. Brooklyn is a special place for me and holds a special significance for me because it’s the place I was born and lived until I was about thirteen years old. I think of Brooklyn’s famous Junior’s restaurant and how it’s famous for making cheesecake. Junior’s has been making cheesecake for a while they can be ordered on QVC on a cable TV or the home shopping network. I just love Junior’s strawberry cheesecake. I always get a slice of strawberry cheesecake when I am in town. I visited my grandmother in Crown Heights yesterday.