TheAyeshaSite

I am just as good anyone else. I am no better than anyone else. I am no less than anyone else. Some people look at the people on TV and secretly want to be like them, but never acknowledge that. I do not fit in with what this society considers beautiful, but I feel good about myself. Self-worth and self-compassion are all I need. I forgive myself for my wrongs in the past. I try to be kind to myself. Ideals are unachievable, unattainable, and in my opinion are not that big of a deal. I don’t worry about them at my age. I am in my 40s.

Hospitals are scary. I still remember one drop of red blood on my white pillowcase of the pillow I slept on. It was my blood. I asked my mom who has worked in the medical field since I was a child what my blood type is and she replied O negative. I try to keep my thoughts positive.

In life I had highs and lows. In the low periods of my life I felt alone. I felt like I was all by myself in what I was struggling with. I am trying to save on my own to buy a used Toyota Camry for less than ten thousand dollars. I am looking forward to buying my first car. I am 42. I was at the walkathon today that was put on by NAMI in Robbinsville, NJ. I express myself through my clothing with style. I started wearing a lot of Jones New York stylish classic clothing items and coats or jackets. I love how I feel in my Jones New York things. They are not too pricy but stylish and chic.

I am trying to become more independent and more self-sufficient in my life. I am hoping to save my money to buy my own used car. I am an adult. I need to be accountable in my own life. I am trying to save for a used car that costs $10,000 or less. I saw a cute little used Toyota Corolla, and a few used Toyota Camry models for sale. My car preference is a used Camry. I can afford a cute used Camry. I will save my money and get my next check in two weeks on June 3rd. I can budget. I got this!

I took a drive this morning at 10 am. I enjoyed it. I am looking at cars online every chance I get. I am going to be buying my first car at 42. I was told I am a good driver. I like being in the driver’s seat of the car a lot. I look forward to buying my first car. I have a budget of ten grand. I like myself. I try not to compare myself to anyone else. I am one of the first people like me to blow up on the internet. I like WordPress though a lot! My doctor affectionately refers to me as Internet Ayesha. I laugh!

I call this book Mama’s Little Helper. I started it as a final project for a course I took with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I have published a few of my poems in my 30s. I studied Creative Writing in college. I declared my major in my junior year of college upon transferring to NJCU. I have had successes there. I worked on an eightteen page memoir I called “Tale of three half-sisters”. I hope to be able to publish my book. I am not guaranteed publication, but I have the success of my blog. I am saving my money to buy a used vehicle. This April I am going to upgrade my license to a four-year auto driver’s license and also budget $10,000 for my first used car at age 42. I am doin’ well.

I will be upgrading to my initial four-year auto driver’s license in mid-April. I did some driving today using my mom’s Honda CR-V. I drove with my mom in the passenger seat. I told my mom I want to budget on my own for a used vehicle. I’ll try to get a financing agreement. I may put a $5,000 down payment on my first used vehicle at age 42. I don’t feel any regrets about starting to drive at almost forty years old. I drive well. My mom tells me so. I have driven my mom’s Honda SUV a few times before. I asked my mom to pay for a driving school because I wanted to learn from professional driving instructors. I am driving with no problems. I am practicing and there is an expression that goes “practice makes perfect”. I will upgrade in mid-April to a basic four-year auto driver’s license. I want to buy a used Toyota RAV4 Hybrid. My mom got a Honda CR-V a few years ago. I like driving an SUV better than a regular car, because I am tall!

I have had some success, and I am thankful for the success, but the other side of my story is that I have not been able to really solve all of my problems. I love being an author. For me writing is in my blood. I have kept journals since I was in my 20s. I had difficult experiences but I never gave up hope. Hope is the only thing I have. When I feel I’m not as liked or as accepted I remind myself that certain people like me. I had a traumatic childhood that was far from ideal but it was mine. I had successes older and didn’t overthink them. I had failures, but I tried to learn from my failures and mistakes. I never had much popularity, but I am so comfortable in my own skin now that I am older. Kids often bullied me and teased me mercilessly when I was a child. I was a little black female child that was teased because of my skin color. I try to socialize more. I have had some people like me and it felt good to have some of the people like me, but there are people who I felt disliked by. Even despite the good experiences I had being able to connect with my peers I tried to be careful not to get with bad company. I was glad to connect with my peers. I have been driving for almost a year with a probationary license. I want to buy a used SUV in the spring this year. I am a work in progress.

I never knew the independence of my own vehicle. I have had my license for almost nine months. I drive well. I enjoy driving so much that all I can think about is this used Ford Edge SUV I saw online going for $6,500 plus taxes and fees. My mom has had her own vehicle since I was a child but as her only child I will be the sole beneficiary of my mom’s life insurance policy. I have money in an account to pay on my own for a used SUV. I can budget for my used SUV, and I will. Because this is my first vehicle ever at age 42, I try to just chill go through the process and relax. I have a budget. My budget s $10,000. I found this nice 2008 Ford Edge SUV that costs barely over eight thousand dollars including taxes and fees. I am looking forward to upgrading to my first four-year auto driver’s license. I am excited about this used vehicle purchase. I enjoy driving. I welcome the independence my license will afford me.