I am Schizophrenic but I still manage to hold on to my Identity and sense of self. I know my Identity is something that can’t be erased and something that nobody can ever take away from me. With tears in my eyes, hurt feelings and emotions that can only be expressed through tears I remember just how far I have come from my Al-Karim days. I am really happy to have a part time job at Mercer. I’ll be 36 years old on January 2017. I am happy I got an A in Intro to Early Childhood Education. I am going for a 36 credit co-Education major. I’m writing my memoir too!
I am looking forward to 2017. I turn 36 years old on January 28, 2017. I am going to write the first draft of my book length memoir Ayesha’s Story: The Schizophrenia Memoirs by the end of 2017. I will keep my Mercer job until December 2017. I am going to try to get my second chapbook manuscript published by looking in the Poets and Writers magazine classifieds and sending it to two or three chapbook publishers or chapbook contests. I want to finish my children’s writer course by December 2017 and to hopefully publish a children’s book. I will work on my children’s writer course for all of 2017 when I have free time. I am writing poems too. I will see if Cave Canem accepts my chapbook manuscript (2017).
My memoir is fifty five pages long so far. My goal is to for my memoir to be 120 pages long by next January 2018. I also want to be working on Assignment five or Assignment six for my course with The Institute of Children’s Lit. I want to have a 200+page book length memoir by 2021 when I turn age 40. I am a member of the NJCU Writers Workshop with Edi Giunta.
I just submitted four poems to Rattle magazine this morning through Submittable. I went on the Rattle magazine website and they said they were looking for poems written by poets with mental illness in particular so I said I’ll send in four poems and see what happens. I will hear from Rattle sometime next month in January of 2017. I enjoy writing poems. I have a chapbook. I submitted another chapbook length manuscript to Cave Canem this past September of 2016. I am excited hoping I’ll get any of the four poems I submitted through Submittable accepted and published. I hope Cave Canem chooses my chapbook manuscript to publish!
I feel like GOD showed me his love for me by causing me to love myself. I have never been popular or had more than a few good friends. I became sort of cool when I took the poetry workshop I took at Cave Canem in the fall of 2015. I love being a poet and all things having to do with poetry. I love showing myself love by buying anything I can afford that’s nice for myself. I love plus size woman clothes. I am a 2X/3X and I love being an African American woman. Self love is a gift from GOD to Ayesha (me). I became a memoirist when I took memoir with Edi Giunta. I am a member of the NJCU Writers Workshop. I feel good!
I just came home from leading the Bowling and Pizza event. My mom gave me and my friend Lou a ride to Curtis Lanes the local bowling alley. We had pizza and I bowled. Lou did not want to bowl. Lou kept poking fun with me and Lou said I must have like ten Harley’s in my garage because I had on a motorcycle jacket with the matching motorcycle hat. I had a fun day. I have to go to NAMI Mercer to return the receipts, the attendance, the money collected for pizza and the left over money from the $200.00 check. Krazysexycool that’s me!
I think of self acceptance as my gift from my Creator GOD. I believe in GOD. I know he loves me because he made it possible for me to like even love myself and for me to have a positive self image. I praise GOD for the gifts of self acceptance and self love. I could have stayed broken inside but GOD healed me! I am not a self hating or a self loathing person like you would think someone in my circumstances would be. The Holy Spirit bares witness in my soul so I am a self love advocate and I can inspire other people to become self love advocates too! I love GOD because he loves me and I love myself. I am a self centered person but I love myself so that’s okay! People don’t always like me but that’s okay because I like myself, I love myself. I don’t want to be better than anyone else I just want to be (me) Ayesha. I want to be the woman that GOD created me to be. I am an amazing woman, I am Ayesha Karim! Now I can OWN that!