Self-love leaves me knowing I am responsible for my own happiness

No one is responsible for my happiness. No one is responsible for my weight. I am responsible for Ayesha Karim. I hate it when people say my mother is responsible for things like my weight. Those are things I control. Being skinny has never been one of my goals. Being thin is a thing that is not an African American thing. I remember Aunt Kay’s husband telling my uncle’s ex-wife Anna to eat her Thanksgiving Dinner and him adding Anna you look fine don’t lose weight you’re perfect just the way you are. My aunt and her husband Neal came over a week ago. I hadn’t seen them in a long time. I remember thinking Ayesha you’re the boss of you. This is your body and this is your life. I would get down to like 180-190lbs and feel like Ayesha is where Ayesha needs to be. I’d look down at my Weight Watchers bathroom scale and see 190 lbs and be happy. Culture affects goal weight is the other thing I would say. I get to say what kind of day I’m going to have. I get to say to that naysayer you’re not going to ruin my day or affect my life. I don’t care who doesn’t like me or doesn’t care for me. I really don’t. I’m going to be Ayesha Karim and be my best self and just live my own life. I exist but slowly I’m learning to live. I had a great 35th birthday party last year with friends. I felt so happy in my special occasion dress and the special occasion was my 35th birthday. Fred made that my most memorable birthday yet. I’m a Black woman. I love KFC and ESSENCE magazine. I remember Susan Taylor and how she established ESSENCE, her own magazine. I want to establish my own magazine: Ayesha magazine but that dream may never come true. My poet/writer/blogger dream came true. I could not be happier with those dreams coming true. I love poetry, I love writing. I love blogging.