TheAyeshaSite

I love the Pokemon sunflowers. I’m thinking of the amazing young adults (my Mentees) that I work with at Mercer. Some of them love pokemon and pokemon has a laughing sunflower as a character. I love the sun and in the summer I get really dark. My male friend Mike Rosidivito told me he does too when we were dating. I don’t feel like God make me the wrong color. God created me with dark skin, with certain features. God made me a Black/African woman and I am so very proud of my deep roots. Tupac said “some say the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice, I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots.” That ‘s a great line from Tupac Shakur may he rest in peace. He died at twenty five years old. That’s crazy. I have beautiful dark skin. I wish all the people who have helped me and continue to help me the best of luck in the present and in the future. I wish all my friends and family continued success. I wish success for myself too with my writing endeavors (poetry, memoir, blogger, for children and YA) and with my second Bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education.

I know everyone hasn’t heard of a visceral response but I laugh hard and sometimes I laugh so hard my heart and stomach hurt. I cannot believe myself. I wrote I am the most self centered person I know. I laugh at my grown up jokes and I think I wouldn’t have thought I’d enjoy my Schizophrenic existence but I really do. I love my own life. I am self centered and my memoir is really like everything else I write a part of the song of myself. That might sound funny but I love wearing cool hats and getting compliments on them. Kwanzaa is my favorite holiday next to MLK day. I believe in Ayesha 100%!

I heard someone saying that they didn’t like me and I thought Ayesha you’ve come a long way. Their opinion didn’t bother me like it very well could’ve ten years ago even five years ago but I’m at a point in my life where I want to have a book length memoir by my 40th birthday. I want to produce a book length memoir and three chapbooks. I don’t care who don’t like me I really don’t. Ms. Ayesha Karim the way Mercer wrote my name makes me happy and think of how beautiful the ocean and the sky is. I appreciate life. I wouldn’t go back I am living in the here and now because I cannot control tomorrow or yesterday. There are so many people that dislike me that if it weren’t for having a few friends in influential places my story would change. I didn’t know Edi Giunta would be so nice to me and treat me so nicely and teach me how to write memoir and put spotlight on me when I took Memoir with her and even now as I am a member of the NJCU Writers Workshop. Edi Giunta is a good person and I wish her even more success and happiness! She is such a sweet person. I also am very thankful to Chris KP Brown.

I am not God. I know God smiled at me that’s why I like myself so much. Somebody said “I promote myself” and I accept that they said that or that they thought that. People have always had opinions about me and they always will but I decided to love and accept myself anyway. That’s what I am going to do for the rest of my life. I’m going to put on my lovely lipstick an smile at my reflection imperfect as I am and love who God created me to be. I am not jealous of anyone else. I think “hey Ayesha girl you’re attractive and wearing a nice raspberry beret” no pun intended. There are people who don’t like me honestly because I’m African American and I love myself. I know how that sounds but it’s the truth. When I have difficulties even now after I got better I realize I am a work in progress and that I can never say I have arrived. I know racism is a part of it but God desires for me to be healthy and whole. I believe wholeheartedly in self help and I want to be more independent. I want to become a Kindergarten teacher even if I just do it part time.

I always wanted to write a memoir. I always thought that the coolest prose genre is memoir writing. I couldn’t be more happy that I’m working on a book project and writing a memoir somewhere around 200 pages. My first goal is 40,000 words (somewhere around 120 pages to 146 pages).  I am a memoirist. I have 66 pages typed written once I find my USB drive with my memoir on it I will type the rest of my handwritten memoir. People who write memoirs are cool. I am writing a memoir. The coolest thing I ever did was write a Schizophrenia Memoir. That is something I did.

I feel really happy. I went to the 50th commencement of Mercer on May 18 and I am on cloud 9. I feel happy that I participated in the 2017 commencement exercises. I was able to represent the class of 2007 my graduation class. I love working at Mercer as  Mentor. I believe that once I find a job as a part time Kindergarten teacher I’ll be happy! I will work at Mercer until December and then I’ll be moving on. Hopefully by January 2018 I can find a job at a Kiddie Academy or Sharon Elementary School in Robbinsville.

To my parents Shellon and Neil Lewis thank you for the support over and through the years. Thank you for loving the cards I got for you both on your birthdays and on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. You guys weren’t perfect but neither was I. You both cared about me and made me feel from the earliest of ages that I was capable and smart and I could do anything I wanted to do. I got in to Cave  Canem twice. Neil complimented me on my poetry chapbook and Neil and I shared a really nice father/daughter moment when he was driving me home from the library one Friday. Neil said he thought I had a real gift with my poetry. I’m writing a memoir about my life now from age 13 to my 30s. The structure may change but I am writing at least 120 pages by next January 2018. Thank you Edi! I am so happy to be connected to Edi and Josh Fausty and NJCU’s English Dept.

I am in my second Bachelor’s degree program in Early Childhood Education at NJCU. I am taking a course in summer session I to help to prepare me to take the Praxis CORE for Educators test. Once I pass this Praxis CORE for Educators test I can just register and take the required classes for my ECE co-major. I am waiting to see what grade I got in ECE 210. I am also having Praxis anxiety.

People often treat me like I’m less than good but the treatment I give myself is the good kind of treatment. I spend money on myself because I’m awesome and I know it. Friends tell me I’m awesome and they like me but they don’t spend money on me. They may take a photo with me at a party or play a Facebook game with me when I invite friends to play games on Facebook though. The friends that don’t accept my game requests may not be interested but they have Facebook. I was expecting like 100 friends to accept my Facebook game friend requests but only 10 responded. I don’t feel any less awesome. I hope more people will respond when I send Facebook game requests and we can all have grown up fun playing cool Casino games on Facebook and competing. There’s an app for everything! I love playing games on my gold plated Samsung phone.

I think of the Caribbean and Africa and I think of the history of white supremacy in the world. White skin privilege is still alive. When people’s skin give them privileges they would not have if they were not white something is not right. Wealth and prosperity is God’s will for my life. I thank God that I have my wealth. May my wealth increase or stay the same. I like being upper middle class. I love my house but I’d love to be like Oprah and be rich. I feel like money is Godly. Others feel poor people are more blessed. I disagree with that. I don’t believe in the Gospel of poverty or that taking an oath of poverty to become a nun or Christ follower makes any sense. My God is the God of infinite worth and unfathomable riches in Christ Jesus, Amen.