TheAyeshaSite

Maini worked with me on my Capstone Seminar paper. I had bad headaches all semester and was only able to get a C minus in Capstone Seminar. If I hadn’t of missed a week of writing and my responsibilities for my Capstone paper I would’ve probably had a B minus in Capstone and walked in May 2015’s commencement with no regrets. Looking back now I missed a whole week of working on my Capstone paper. My ears hurt me so bad and I got headaches every day but I managed to get a A in Advanced Memoir. I enjoyed majoring in Creative Writing and English. I have had successes in Poetry and Memoir and this is my writing blog and I write for children too.

I became a part of the conversation at NJCU. Even people I took free Praxis CORE workshops with were talking about my memoir or my story. The title of my story is Ayesha’s story: The SZ Memoirs. I remember taking Memoir Workshop with Edi Giunta back in the fall of 2014. I wrote memoirs of increasing length starting with a 350 word practice memoir. Now here I am with over 22,000 words and an ambitious goal of having 40,000 words which is somewhere around 120 pages by January 2018. I love writing memoirs. Women who write memoirs are crazy cool like the Paula Abdul song “Crazy Cool”. I just bought a copy of Angie Martinez’s memoir My Voice and I thought “oh how cool Angie wrote a memoir”. I found my voice again by writing memoirs in Edi Giunta’s Memoir classes (Workshop and Advanced Workshop) at NJCU. I lost my voice all those years ago walking home from the bus stop in my McCorristin High School uniform and green Columbia Sportswear jacket when a racist man in a car screamed “Nigger” at me way back in February of 1995 in Ewing, NJ just walking home from the bus.

I feel good about myself even though I’m not perfect or beautiful by the way society defines beautiful. I’m a tall woman. I have a weight issue. I wear a 22W-24W in clothes. I have dark chocolate skin. I have lovely dark brown eyes. I have a nice waldrobe. I take care of my hygiene and I wear perfume.  I am Schizophrenic and I feel good about Ayesha. I am beautiful. I am attractive. I am worthy of love and concern. I am a good friend. I am 36! I believe I have difficulty because I’m an African American woman but that is who I am. I am a proud African American woman. My heritage is steeped in my racial pride. I love wearing my cool hats and nice coats or jackets with my cool clothes.

I just got my very own Melanin Queen coffee cup. I will make herbal tea and hot chocolate in the cup. My favorite herbal tea is Apple Cinnamon Celestial Seasonings hot tea. I also love Dunkin Donuts hot chocolate. I am going to buy Chock-full-of-nuts coffee for my kitchen when I live on my own. I am going to buy it at Shop Rite. I’m not kidding. I got myself an HBCU sweatshirt thinking of two young African American men I became friends with in my early 30s Jared and Rome. I thought of Mike Rosidivito too the Indian guy I dated that told me he gets very dark in the summer like I do. I feel like I am such an adult now. Everything from the four pictures my uncle Colin took of me with my new Samsung phone of me in my motorcycle hat and sexy 18/20 Ashley Stewart dress (without my eyeglasses) that is a bit see through, yes! I just bought myself some things from jcp.com. I have a skirt suit I need to return to the local JC Penny and get a Merchandise Credit card with the refund on it to buy some more things for myself. I love me. I am Ayesha Karim. I am very special. I am so happy I can laugh and be able to share my cool ideas with all my Caucasian friends at NAMI Mercer. Akavar coined the phrase Kwanzaa memorabilia that’s appropriate. To me at 36 that’s so cool! Oh and I am getting a lot out of WRAP class. This is my third time taking it. I want to take it again soon after the class is over in late April. Geneaology is the only secret. We’re all a little mixed up. Libby would say that’s true I know. She’s a helpful friend.

I really like my life as it is. I am far from perfect but I love my imperfect self. I love my quirks, my skin, my bones, my broad shoulders, my height, I love being a tall woman, I love being African American, I love being Ayesha Karim. I love my eyes too. I need to get some exercise for my heart especially and my organs. My wonderful German Jewish woman doctor seems to really care about her patients in a way no doctor I ever went to besides of course Dr. Providence when I was a little girl he was my pediatrician. He was also African American. I love that I made a friend in Edi Giunta and Edi just celebrated 20 years teaching Memoir at NJCU. I’m so happy for her.  My goal is 40,000 words typed written my memoir Ayesha’s Story by January 2018 (somewhere around 120 pages like Cassandra Casella’s Honors Thesis). I have a poem coming out in the May 2017 newsletter. I still remember and I have a copy of the newsletter Maddy Monheit did the story about me Ayesha Karim, volunteer and poet. That was so amazing. At the New Year eve party last year they got us such nice stuff for our party. NAMI Mercer is good to us. I sent a poem in to the NAMI NJ Poetry Contest. I’ll check on that in another week or two to see if I made the Top Ten. I have a poem on their website that is a part of the Virtual Poetry Workshop called “The Way I Will Be Remembered to Be”. I love poetry. I went to a Recovery Poetry Slam last Saturday with Fred and Lori Ann. I feel so good about who I am in my 30s that it’s krazy to me. I used to be the broken girl who just stared into space and here I am doing well, happy and sharing my good ideas in WRAP class that I will have at 6pm tonight. I’m also the Black Chick with four motorcycle jackets and a cool motorcycle hat. I am a NAMI Mercer volunteer. I am going to stay put at Mercer until I am further along with my second BA in Early Childhood Education. I want to pass the Praxis CORE so I can become a teacher!

This preacher who happens to be an African American’s name is Creflo Dollar. He believes in prosperity and so do I. I don’t care for Creflo Dollar at all. I don’t think Dollar is his real last name. I do understand what he preaches about. “With thanksgiving” every November I give thanks for my many blessings. Alex Waldron and my SZ memoir what? Mary Karr shares something about all these people having Thanksgiving together managing not to kill each other and I think hey that sounds exactly like my mother’s side of the family. They stress me out. I have family and a lot of cousins but we have each other. I don’t talk to my family much on the phone but I do see them at family BBQs and funerals. Everybody usually show up to a wedding, a funeral and a BBQ or a cookout. I am so thankful for my SZ memoir that is soon to be 90-100 pages. Thanks Edi! I am going to keep typing until I reach 40,000 words for this year. Next year I’ll reach for 60,000 words and have a book.

On Sunday I’m going to the Diner event. I want a well done mushroom omelette and a side of wheat toast. Yes wheat not white or rye. I’ll have a meal and I’ll have fellowship with my friends at the table next Sunday. I am going to place my order and get my grub on. “Ayesha Karim is a volunteer and a poet.” In May I have a poem coming out in the May 2017 NAMI Mercer newsletter. Miss Maddy is going to publish it. Miss Maddy has published like five or six of my poems in the newsletter since January 2013. In an attempt to connect all of the dots I just say Phillis Wheat as in Wheatley and I’m a poet. I started writing poems in the 5th grade and here I am publishing another poem, I have a writing blog and I’m taking a course in how to write for children and teenagers. All while I work on a 2nd Bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education. Life is so good especially because I’m on payroll at Mercer! I have my summers off. I work in the Fall/Winter and Spring semesters as a Mentor for the DREAM program. I will make $1,000-$1,500 by January or February 2018 when I get the summary of what I made in 2017. My goal is to stay at Mercer and just keep working and serving. Ann Norz asked me if I am still working at Mercer. I know Ann from NAMI Mercer NJ. She’s nice. In 1995 when I lost my mind and my voice the first African American poets were discovered until 1995 poetry was all white and all male. In the past 20 years African Americans and others have been winners or short listed for major poetry prizes. I’m one of them! Poetry makes me happy, memoir writing makes me happy and I love blogging. A friend told me I was really good at blogging. Her name is Libby short for Elizabeth. She even told me a poem I almost had anthologized was a well written poem. I plan to write poems into my 40s and 50s.

I became myself or maybe I should say I am becoming myself. I love my dark brown eyes and my black hair. I love myself. I believe God created me and black people from mud. It’s my favorite word in the entire English language. I know my mother is dealing with difficulty too. I wish her happiness and more friendships. For myself I wish what already is mine self acceptance, peace, love and Joy! I have a poem coming out in the May NAMI Mercer newsletter and I couldn’t be happier. That is what I wanted to become a poet and  a writer particularly a memoir writer and a blogger. I also am taking the course that Holly Loveday told me about. The course is going so well. I have to work on an assignment this month and I have jottings for the next assignments basically another writing idea. We have 10 assignments for the course and a heading template that they encourage us to use and I am working on Assignment 4. I started writing poetry in the 5th grade and here I am a 36 year old woman and poet. I will write poems when I’m in my 40s and 50s.

Almost all of my professional writing is on the Internet. The World Wide Web. I have poems on poetry sites like allpoetry.com, poetrysoup.com and http://www.poetry.com. I have reviews on Yelp. I would love to be a book reviewer. Three people said they would send me a free copy of their books for me to read and review. I read a book a month. I love books. I love literacy and reading. My half sister who ordered a copy of my chapbook said “Ayesha you always had a gift with literacy”. I started writing poems in the 5th grade. I want to read more books by Christian authors like The Comeback by Louie Giglio. This is my SZ life. I want my life and I want to be Ayesha. My life is easier but I’m African American. I want to share my good ideas and mingle and laugh and hear everyone say “hey girl” to me. I’m reading Annie John right now by Jamaica Kincaid. Thank God for Edi!

There once was a girl group called SWV. SWV stood for Sisters with Voices. I hear voices and my name is Ayesha Karim. I am a human being. I hear voices and I have Schizophrenia. I know I have a mental illness. The truth about the illness I have is that mean voices say things to people with my illness. I am a Person. When I am hearing my voices they sometimes tell me you are not who you think you are so to speak. I was told by a therapist that I can challenge my voices. I was so happy that day because they say things about me that I wouldn’t say to somebody I didn’t like. I like myself. That’s a real accomplishment. I am African American.