I didn’t realize it until I was thirty years old that my joy and my pain were not my self worth. I thought I’d always be the broken black girl at NAMI Mercer with a blank stare on my face. I never thought that God was even there. God walks with me. God gives me a peace that passes my understanding. I almost lost my mind but God said “Ayesha you can go to sleep at night now and not be consumed or overtaken by your fears and worries!”. As an African American woman who has lived with Schizophrenia for over twenty years I know I need to have a good cry or maybe a few good emotional releases so that I can feel better. I write a lot and I post blog posts to my writing blog often but I sometimes have writer’s block where I’m not sure what to write. At those times I journal and try to get “inspired”! I refuse to let other people’s opinions of me mess with the self love tip that I’ve been on for five going on six years now! If a person talks trash about me that’s fine. I refuse to address that kind of slander. I really like myself and I like my life and I love being Ayesha (me). I really do and if someone decides to mention my name and talk shit that is okay! I’m on a whole new level now so I expect to have conflicts and I know there’s really no way around these glitches otherwise I wouldn’t have to post this.