The way I am is the way I want to be. I don’t want to change.

I have experienced racism that is hard to talk about but not once since my 31st birthday have I felt like I’m not good enough the way I am. It was my experience in life to have only a few friends here or there but where I am now I only have a few supporters. It’s not easy for anyone in life even if it appears that way to other people. We all have our challenges. I felt good because I was nominated four times for blogger awards I felt validated. It’s really been the first thing that put a big smile on my face. It is something I am able to enjoy and also able to thank the two people that nominated me. I have this renewed appreciation for my own life. Hearing mean voices and having schizophrenia is difficult but I was able to make peace with my illness. For me it is not as hard as it once was. I had fear of my own shadow. I had been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic before I was even 15 years old.  I’m able to be out at night with less fear and I’m able to say I feel good about myself despite certain things that have always held true about how things were for me in life since I was a little girl.