Author: TheAyeshaSite

I am a Black Guyanese woman. I'm thirty nine years old. I went back to college to take Early Childhood Education classes. I want to get a second 48-credit BA degree in Early Childhood Education by 2021. I go to NJCU. I have a BA in Creative Writing from NJCU. I graduated from NJCU in August 2015. I transferred to NJCU from Mercer. I have my AA degree from Mercer in Humanities and Social Science since May 2007. I write poems, I write memoirs, I'm a blogger and I am taking a children's lit course. I love reading memoirs. I also do book reviews from time to time. My favorite poet is Emily Dickinson. I grew up in Ewing, New Jersey. I live in Princeton Junction with my parents!

I now realize in mental health recovery that recovery is not a destination it’s journey. My illness does not have me, but I need to also have free time. I am looking forward to finishing up my course in writing for children, and teenagers. I am working on an assignment that my instructor gave me the opportunity to revise that I submitted earlier. I got an email from my instructor giving me the option to revise a lesson, and I am thrilled because I want to get the most out of my course. I am enjoying the course. I have one more assignment after the assignment I’m working on now but the final assignment is a final project. I’ll get a certificate for this course. I am excited, but I have to put in time working on my course in the library.

I got these stickers from a Staples store that say ICE CREAM on the cover of the book of stickers. When I was a child one of my male classmates told me Ayesha Karim (my name) reminded him of ice cream. There is a cool poem by poet Charles Bukowski called “ice cream people”. When I first heard Bukowski’s poem I really liked the poem. I have really sensitive teeth, but I love strawberry ice cream. Haagen Daas has the best tasting ice cream.

I like myself a lot but I still have struggles.

I thank God I am here now. I had so many difficult experiences as a little girl, but I have been doing pretty well in spite of this. I pray and for me the key to wellness is spirituality. I love poetry. I started writing poetry as a child of ten years of age maybe. I processed my hurt feelings in my Composition notebook, and I would make up poetry. It is by far my favorite genre, but I am thrilled with the success I am having with even difficult assignments in my course writing for children and teenagers. It feels so cool to have favor with both of my writing instructors

I am giving all the praise to God because He intervened on my behalf. God gave me a miracle when He chose to heal me. I praise God everyday when I wake up in the morning. I know I am one of the few people who have had a miracle in my lifetime. I try to be a good person, however I am a self love advocate. I don’t bullshit anyone because I love myself, and I appreciate my blessings too. God blesses each of us each person to be a blessing to others not to keep it for ourselves. God knows my story, and He understands that it is all about Him and not me (Ayesha Karim).

I’m making progress. I have been using my wellness tool box to maintain my mental health. I have been taking care of my hygiene and waking up by 7 am most mornings.

I have been having success with my course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. Since I was in my 20s I wanted to write children’s books, and even my former therapist knew this. I believe in God. He is the healer (GOD) I attribute all of my healing from brokenness to less worry and more assurance that God is the only person that can heal. I pray now also. I try to keep my thoughts positive even my friends say “Esha is so positive”. I believe there is power in positive thinking.

I can’t wait to turn forty in January 28, 2021.

I am thrilled that I will soon be able to upgrade to a probationary license. The adult road to driving in the state New Jersey requires only three months of supervision, which is half the early bird road, and young adult road. I took advice from someone who told me not to judge myself. I feel so good behind-the-wheel in the student vehicle, and I have been doing well, and plan to schedule a few more driving lessons. I took a big step, but I am just going to get more driving lessons, and my driving instructor has told me he taught a lot of the young people in the area I live in how to drive. He’s very nice too. I

Sometimes the grass seems greener on the other side if people have more than I have, but I want to be a good steward of my own things. I don’t want to covet other people’s things and blessings. I feel gratitude for every thing I have in my possession. I am trying to buy a preowned vehicle by next January 2021 and get the vehicle in my name. I will be going to look at vehicles in December and talk to a car salesman.

I am coming up on my fifth driving lesson. The lessons are two hours at a time, but it is good practice going out and being in the driver seat and driving with the help of a driving instructor. I will not judge myself. I can learn the skill of driving. I am looking forward to another driving lesson this Friday morning at 10 am.

Becoming comfortable just the way I am changed my life. I won’t change.

Sometimes when I was a little girl I got bullied by other kids badly. I would get called names like “blacky” and “too dark” and “darky” but one day I had a supernatural peace wash over me and it changed my life. My mom once told me my father got very different treatment from the other members of his family because of his skin color. I have grown very comfortable in my own skin now that I am older but that was not true for me as a kid. I got bullied a lot. I was stressed at school in third or fourth grade and a female principal at a Muslim school that even taught us Arabic and French skipped me twice as a nine year old girl. I was a smart girl but just about every compliment I got was like “pretty but dark” or “pleasant and nice but no”. I was healed by the great healer. This peace washed over me, and God’s divine intervention caused me to sleep better. I entered into rest because God my heavenly father said to me “daughter you are healed receive your healing from God”.

I am taking risks, and it feels cool. I know God is with me in this fight, and it inspires me every day to keep going, and not to stop even if I am afraid. I’ll keep trying to push pass the fear. I’ve been driving for two hours at a time once a week for a few weeks now. I am scheduled to go to the DMV at the end of November to take the road test. I had an older female friend give me advice and she said “Ayesha don’t judge yourself you can do it!” Sometimes if I feel discouraged I encourage myself, and I say to myself “I can make it, I can, I can, and I will”. The relationship I have with my mom is a good one. She and I have had some good times. I am working on getting my probationary license soon, but for the adult road at the NJ DMV you need to practice for at least twelve months that equates to a year before you can get a basic driver license. I will keep getting my driving lessons through November and December of this year 2020 and I will not judge myself. I can do it!

I feel so blessed to be able to stand out now that I am older. I try to appreciate my successes because I had them older. As a child I got bullied badly. I always got called names and got bad verbal abuse from other kids and older kids too, but I thank God for His divine intervention in my life on my behalf. God caused me to have a supernatural healing that restored me back to sanity. I was a really broken person. I never had much popularity to speak of before my blogger award nominations I got, but I managed to at least become really comfortable with myself the way I am. I was a slender little girl who stuffed my feelings and I often got criticized and always felt ostracized by others. I know me having successes older is not something I overthink. For me it’s cool because I am drawing attention to myself. I know I couldn’t have dreamed of a better outcome. This is amazing!