By the time I reached a certain age I took every chance I could to stand out. I have always kind of been a quiet easy going person but now that I am older I celebrate successes in my 30s thankful and I have hope for my future. I know me being in my late 30s did not effect me having successes here on WordPress. I appreciate being a valued part of this blogging community. The nominations I got gave me hope for the future and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.
I feel very comfortable in my own skin now that I’m older. The change in me didn’t really take long I was in my early 30s. I remember things that I experienced early in life having to do with bullying as a little eight year old or nine year old black girl. I know God is with me. I release all of the older bullies that didn’t like me or said all these negative things about me. My 30s was really my best decade yet. I was able to smile in the mirror put on my black cherry Revlon lipstick and say to myself I like myself just the way I am. When my significant other looks into my eyes and says “honey you’re just as pretty and such a kind person too” I smile back and we have a special moment just the two of us.
I have an outlook that is positive. There are people that always say things to bring other people down. I know the successes I have had with my blog was really all it took to brighten up my days. I always got teased badly about my complexion as a little girl. I started to just be less hard on myself and more accepting of the way I look. I’m a friendly easy going person too. I never make a big deal out of things that aren’t that big of a deal. Sometimes friends compliment me or say something they like about me but for the most part I focus on God and being good to other people. I wouldn’t treat someone in a way that I wouldn’t want to be treated. I have enough wisdom to know self acceptance will last me my lifetime. Sometimes life makes me feel like hiding from the world because of the stigma of my mental illness but I force myself up early every morning. I have a little routine. I wake up early and I brush my teeth, wash my face and take a good shower with some Caress soap or body wash that lasts maybe twenty minutes. I like the smell of the Caress perfume body wash. The thing is others with mental illness that are high functioning experience set backs too. I think they need a peer supporter who has lived experience to help them and tell them what they can do to get better. WRAP class at NAMI helped me a lot. I took WRAP class three or four times. I never got treated as good as a child. All of my issues stem from difficulties I had as a child but now that I got these nominations for my blog, I express gratitude toward the people who nominated me and say TheAyeshaSite gets a nomination with a bunch of other bloggers. I am the only person that may share things about peer support because this past January 2020 my case manger at the agency I go to gave me a special peer support award. It made me feel so happy. Other than the nominations for blogger awards this was the first award I have ever gotten. My award says Peer Support Award and my name Ayesha Karim on it. I even got perfect attendance awards with my name on them. I encourage other bloggers with mental illness to have hope and know they are never alone. Sometimes I ‘d feel a little sad but I try not isolate myself and every now and again my case manager says her clients can take a mental health day if they need it but I will continue to go to my program regularly. I hope by the end of this year I can graduate and apply for a job. I have a resume that I will try to get help with at the public library nearby. I’m also spending my summer finishing up my course to write for children. That’s always been something I wanted to do and I should be done with my course by the end of the summer or maybe the fall.
Brooklyn is the place I’m from. I just love certain parts of Brooklyn. I have a male cousin that lives in Red Hook. I was born in Brooklyn and raised in New Jersey from the summer after my 13th birthday. My parents and I live in Princeton Junction, NJ. I actually really like NJCU though. The cool parts were getting friends to get copies of my poetry chapbook. I only have like 20 more copies I hope to be able to sell. I got my mom an early Mother’s Day gift to surprise her on Mother’s Day. I know my mom and I have always had a good relationship. I am trying to be driving by the summer or fall of this year. Driving will be my key to more independence and getting around back and forth to school and NAMI events. NAMI usually has an annual meeting each year. I hope to be able to be there sometime in June 2020.
I am a positive optimistic person. My outlook is positive. People need to live with an expectation that good things are going to happen to them. When I think of mental health I know what affects it. I now focus on God and spirituality all of the time. I pray and give thanks to God even in hard times. I know God is there. I think of all of the people in my life that I know God placed in my life that give me encouragement and helped me along the way. I know it can be hard to see yourself as others see you. I focus more on God-consciousness and helping my family. I remember people that were supportive of me. I like to be able to remind them that I like and appreciate them too. My life changed when I discovered peace in the midst of chaos. This is the world we live in it’s a very chaotic world but I have a peace and calm that comes directly from God to me. I discovered that I wasn’t alone and God had been walking with me all this time. Sometimes I think of the deep thoughts I have and I remember someone telling me I was an old soul.
When I was a little girl I was bullied a lot at school and even by kids on my block. I knew something had shifted after I wrote my memoir. The first time I started to feel better I was in my early 30s. I graduated from college at age 34. I am trying to finish up my second Bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education. It’s something I know I can do. I am also working on finishing a course I took to write for children. I am sending assignment #7 in May or June 2020. We are stuck at home during this pandemic. I know life isn’t easy for anyone but I am thankful for the things I have.
I remember a woman I met telling me I had such a pretty unique name. I don’t follow Islam anymore but my biological father was a Muslim. I had friends in a muslim school in Brooklyn but I don’t practice the religion at all. I just focus on God and spirituality and not the religion my name links me to. I always felt special because of my name. I would be in my room or even at college and when my professors would say nice things about me it was nice to have positive things said about me but people in the spotlight seem to just have a lot of influence. My blog has about one hundred and sixty or so followers but it seems to actually have bloggers in other countries too. That is cool for me though. I had some really hard experiences early on in life but you know what I thank God that I was able to be resilient. I can’t focus on the past all I have is the present moment. I will cherish the time I have left. I will live more for trying to cease the day. I won’t ever look back.