Author: TheAyeshaSite

As a person who had some difficult experiences early on in my life I became aware that God is there. I had a supernatural peace wash over me one day on a day I felt like I couldn’t take the situation I was in anymore. I found God right where I was. This was in 2012. I know opportunities came my way from a few people. I began to understand that God works in ways that you don’t always see him working but believe me God works through people. I can say that as a child even the female principal at the school I went to had a daughter my age. I remember her disciplining me one day. I reminded myself to always show respect to the adults in your life that are older than you are. You should always show your elders a certain kind of respect especially if they like you. You never want to be disrespectful to someone else. God put people in my life that offered me opportunities I would not have otherwise had. I knew God had opened doors for me through the people that God put in my life. I believe God cares about me enough to always hear my prayers. I had fear that was coming from the uncertainty of the future but in the midst of all of this chaos God has given me. The peace of God surpasses all understanding. I know the bible says that in one of the psalms. I was actually encouraged by an older female friend to read the psalms in the Bible. I thought what a great suggestion I just love Bible poetry particularly psalms 1, 23, 27 and 91.

I know sometimes just being more comfortable with myself the way I am gives me a more secure feeling on the inside and because of God and spirituality. I am not an island in of myself but I am a person whose identity is very secure. I see myself through different eyes now that I’m older. I remember being a little girl and being bullied but my childhood was sufficient for me. I want other people out there with similar struggles to know mental illnesses are real illnesses. People may not be able to see your illness but that doesn’t make your illness any less real in the way your illness effects you. I had some rough experiences but I come from a large extended family and as a child the one thing I remember getting compliments on was my name. Friends would tell me I was a pretty little black girl too and they’d tell me they liked my name. My name is Ayesha Karim. My name always made me feel special as a child. It is a very unique name too. I know few people in the world with my name.

Now that I’m older I concentrate on doing things that interest me. I’m so much more confident in my own ability to learn things and also asking for help if I need help. I read quite a bit too. I read about a book a month. I know life is a miracle everyday. I try to get as much sleep as I possibly can at night. I usually get up early. I also got some tutoring last summer at The Hub at NJCU. I really feel happiest working on a project or hanging out with friends at NAMI. I hope NAMI will have the expressive arts this coming summer. I know God brought me a long way from where I started from. I appreciate being a part of this blogging community so much!

My injectible medication helps control my symptoms better. I also pray and seek God in the midst of chaos. I expressed my gratitude  to the people that nominated me Miss Michelle in Paris, France and I sent Mr. Stuart a thank you card in the mail. When I think of the experiences I have had to shine on WordPress, I think it was a cool experience to have had been nominated four times and also being able to nominate other bloggers too. You guys stay safe indoors due to the corona virus pandemic. It should be better by May 2020 at least I hope so. I am doing some of my laundry too just taking it easy indoors.

I will power down at 10 pm from now on and then I will go online once or twice every week or two. I know sleep was my biggest trigger and it helps to build your own WRAP. NAMI offers WRAP classes. WRAP stands for wellness recovery action plan. I am in recovery but I decided to seek God more through spirituality and church and prayer. I am not trying to get even with the kids who teased, taunted and bullied me because they didn’t like me. I am able to kind of stand out because of my honesty about my lived experience with my illness but I thank God also for divine intervention. When a peace washed over me in the early 2010s I knew I could carry on. I never really had a lot of friends but I was able to form some friendships through my volunteer work with NAMI and I was a mentor for a few semesters at Mercer CCC my alma mater but I left in May 2019. I was actually getting paid too. I know if I share my story it will help someone else who is going through things now. I even used to volunteer with parents and teachers as allies at NAMI back in 2013 to 2014. I know if I can help others with similar struggles I will.

Volunteering with the organization NAMI gave me a group of volunteers and friends to socialize with. I have never really been a popular person. I am just overjoyed that I am a part of this blogging community here. I feel more connected since I got my first nomination for a blogger award two years ago. I believe in God and I have hope that I can improve my life. I think it’s hard for people with mental illness to reintegrate back into society because of the stigma. I know the more I think about the past the more depressed I become. I know being more in the moment is a good thing to do. I have a few friends that do peer support with Catholic Charities. They as persons with mental illness were able to work jobs helping other people with mental illness. It’s something that I admire about the few friends I have that do peer support. I find the more I think of things like the wellness recovery action plan the happier I feel. I actually have an advanced directive on file with the state of NJ. I know sometimes if I think of trying to help others and friends that may one day be able to start volunteering but maybe first getting involved with the organization NAMI. It has been just a safe haven for me and friends of mine that I have known for years that also seem to like me. I feel happy when I think of the day I surrendered to my higher power God and stopped leaning to my own understanding. I want to encourage anyone who feels like there’s no hope that if they try to seek God and spirituality they can rebuild their lives. For me I wouldn’t have hope if I had not had spirituality and God consciousness. It helps me more than I can really describe. I believe in God. I know God sees the heart of a person and also the character too.

For years I ate emotionally. It wasn’t until I had put on a lot more weight that I thought I have to find a way to eat less. My medications made me hungry and drowsy. I wasn’t always as aware as I am now. God found me one day and my life changed. A peace that surpassed my understanding washed over me and I discovered that God had been walking with me all this time. I never limit God anymore. God is just so much bigger than the boxes we put him in. I feel more connected now that I have accepted that I can’t always assume that everyone will feel the same way I do. I started appreciating my life but also thinking about how I can help others too. I have done a lot of volunteer work over the years and I will always appreciate people in my life that support me in any way. I don’t have a lot of supporters but I am also 39 years old now. I am trying to finish up my course but the library may or may not be open. I am working on finishing up my course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. I am getting close to finishing up my course. I am going to revise a previous assignment next and then I’ll be close to finishing up the final assignments. I need to just chill while this coronavirus pandemic is going on. I will still try to have structure in my day. If the library is open I may spend the morning there. I thank God for my parents and their support too.

I’ll be home for the next few weeks maybe months. NAMI canceled all the events for April 2020. I volunteer with NAMI. I really like NAMI. The organization is wonderful. They offer so many programs and areas to volunteer. I had the good forture of having both of the executives like me since the organization was in it early stages. Now I just plan to be able to go to the annual meeting this year. It is usually in June 2020.

These issues are hard for me but I started to accept myself with my flaws.  I pray to God even in my hard times. I know God cares about me enough to help me to make peace with my mental illness. I try less hard to be accepted by others. Now all I thank God for is helping me to stand out and not trying to be like someone who doesn’t look like me but may more fit in with the societal standard of beauty blonde or olive skin and blonde or blue eyed or green eyed or me having (gorgeous) brown eyes. One eye exam with him was all it took even someone saying I had good hygiene. The compliments I have received have been what made my 30s different but even people saying positive things about me I remember the people who liked me enough to compliment me and say I was nice too. Being teased badly as a child it was hard for me but the nominations I received caused me to reassess my progress and to be completely honest with my readers. I feel happy to be a part of the WordPress blogging community. I have only positive things to share. I know people can be really negative at times. I want to remain focused on the successes I’ve had. God understands that it was hard for me. I thank God for being there for me. He calmed the chaos and the raging storm. I know I can pray to God so I decided to pray. I know God hears my prayers.

Now that I’m older I can reflect on my life’s journey and what has brought me more happiness since my first successes in my early 30s to now. I had been picked on so much as a child and it hurt me a lot. I had to have a good cry and reevaluate my life and my walk with God.  I had a spiritual experience one day. I felt the peace of God wash right over me giving healing to my soul and spirit. I was sure but I had doubts that God is good and God is also for me not against me. I had to start praying to God and giving God the praise and glory for how far God has brought me in my life’s journey to now. I’m 39 years old now. I pray and I am going to just get my bible and read my bible and turn everything over to God. I will pray every morning from now on and start my day reading my Bible and my Hebrew book of psalms. I love poetry especially the psalms. A friend who knew I was a poet encouraged me to read the psalms. I thought what an awesome idea reading the psalms and I’m a poet too.