Author: TheAyeshaSite

I remember as a little girl in Brooklyn where I was born being teased a lot by other kids. I had the worst experience of being bullied because of the color of my skin but I knew I had started to feel comfortable in my skin and after my 30th or 31st birthday. I never thought of myself in photos because I always got compliments on my eyes when I went for my annual or bi-annual eye exams. I got $50 take off my most recent eye exam. I know sometimes life feels hard but I have supporters my mom, my case manager at the program I go to. My grandmother on my mom’s side had visited us in December 2019. I miss her so much. I remember visiting my grandma a lot in my teens I’d take the train to NY Penn Station. I also feel like God is closer than I imagined he’d be. I have a poem I wrote in the NAMI Messenger newsletter with a cool photo of me that says February 2020.

Many time in my life I found myself bullied or gossiped about but I didn’t realize how sad I had felt in the past. I started getting chiropractic care when I was in my mid-20s. I found two or three chiropractors and this first one I had experience I had with a female chiropractor was great but I am fine. I know God is with me wherever I am. I have been smoke free for almost six years this summer. I feel healthier and any time someone smokes around me I breathe in second hand smoke so I never have to breathe in second hand smoke. I know God is with me and I will pray more and seek spirituality. I made peace with my illness and even in the chaos I have a peace that passes my own understanding. I can pray to God and I can silence my inner critic. Voices are hard to hear and I no longer focus on the mean things they say. A friend of mine told me I should read the Psalms in The Holy Bible. I love writing poetry and I am a poet. I thought what an idea. I can pray to God and never have to be crippled by my fear again.

Every significant blessing I’ve had in my life came through God and the people who God used to reach out to me. I may have a mental illness but my illness doesn’t have me. The people God put in my life gave me so many reasons to feel better about how far I’ve come and the goals I have to accomplish. I was afraid of losing my mother. I stopped watching TV. I’d rather read books. When I was a child I read many of the author VC Andrews’s mystery novels. The books were a little different but I was reading the books not watching TV or a movie. I really liked her books too. As a tween I just loved to read those books. I read the Casteel series, the Cutler series and My Sweet Audrina even now I will never watch TV again but I will go to the movies. I love movies.

I recently had my 39th birthday. I look forward to getting older. I have come to focus more on prayer and spirituality. I feel like the day I was sure that God is with me wherever I go I discovered that he put people in my life but that these people brought new opportunities that helped me have a better quality of life through my volunteer work with NAMI. I know it’s been a great time in my life my 30s. I was bullied so badly in school that by the time I went to community college I had gotten into the habit of smoking because I didn’t have a lot of coping skills. Spirituality. The more I focus on my problems the more stressed out I get. I know God is always with me. I thank God for putting people in my life that have given me opportunities to shine even at NAMI. I believe the more you try the less you fail.    There’s a song I like by Yolanda Adams called Don’t Give Up. It’s a gospel song that I like.

I really like Writing for Children. I find I enjoy writing for children. Once a man told me he thought I may have a little career writing for children. The words blew me away but ever since I took the aptitude test with ICL I just decided I will focus on writing for little ones but the sweet part is I who am almost forty years old and have no children of my own now I’m able to have children read stories and poems I make up and have both the children and their parents like the stories. That part is actually gratifying for me. I just loved how my writing teachers not only praised my work but also liked the stories I made up and even said my work was quite good.

I was blessed to have successes with what I love more than anything else writing. There are so many female authors I just love including Alice Walker, Sandra Cisneros and Jean Rhys. I love the prose of Jamaica Kincaid. Jamaica Kincaid was the model author my memoir writing teacher told me about and also Edwidge Danticat. I found my happiest days were when I was working on my memoir and my course to write for children. I was told I seemed to have a gift to write for children once. I enjoy writing in different genres but I would love to be able to write for children and make a little career out of it.

I feel like it’s probably the coolest thing I ever did being nominated for four blogger awards but I appreciate the platform to have influence even if it’s less people I feel good that different countries like the content on my blog. I basically blog random stuff about my life. I know my 30s are just the best time in my life. The change occurred fast and by the time I was about thirty or thirty one I felt so much more comfortable in my own skin and I started to just feel good about myself in a way it may have been hard to explain. I tell you guys I had a spiritual experience of having a peace wash over me back in 2011 or 2012. I know sometimes people are against God and religion but I know from experience because I pray now and I don’t go to doctors. I believe holistic means of healing and health are the way to feeling better and to cures for dis-ease. I know when I think of being tense or seeing a chiropractor every month since I was in my mid-20s that was what helped me the most. As a kid I carried a heavy backpack and that made my back hurt.  I had ailments that were hard for me like bronchitis. I smoked for twenty years of my life despite my breathing problems. I realize now that I can do anything I put my mind to. I know how capable I am. I also plan to stay smoke free and just say no to cigarettes and drugs. I want to live a long life free of too much stress.

Sometimes people tell us things about ourselves that makes us feel like we’re not as valued or likeable or even attractive or beautiful. I had a rough childhood and adolescence. I know it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but I managed to be resilient and really like myself. Sometimes people say things they like about me but I know my opinion of myself is pretty high. I feel good about the person I am. I have goals and I’m taking steps to achieve my goals. I am thirty nine years old but my age is just a number. I know I can still do things. I volunteer at NAMI and that keeps me busy. I’m going to be finishing my course with The Institute of Children’s Literature in Connecticut.  I am happy to be more than halfway through my course. I will get a special diploma but I’m not sure if there’s a ceremony or anything. I love writing for kids. I’d recommend the course too. The course gets over 95% approval from students like me who took it.

I see myself as an attractive black woman. I get compliments on my clothing and people also say I’m a kind person. The way I see myself and the way other people see me is different. Some say nice things about me others criticize me for reasons unbeknownst to me. I felt so good being able to write and type my own memoir. I also feel really good about myself despite the difficult mental illness I have and it is really a difficult illness to have. Some days in the past I would hear mean critical voices that said the worse things about me but the change in me occurred in my early 30s where for the first time in my life I started to like myself. I became so much more comfortable with the skin I was in. I got teased so badly as a child for my color that an experience I had back in 2012 made me sure I wasn’t alone but many times I had doubts and fears but God was there. I found myself thinking about spirituality and God and even prayer for the first time. I don’t want to get bogged down with negative people or naysayers. I know God is real but it wasn’t until I had a personal experience with God one day for myself that I was sure God was real. Sometimes people say there isn’t a God but I challenge that opinion. I had my own God encounter that made me want to seek God for myself. He is not distant believe me. He is there.

I know God is everywhere. I believe God is a spirit not a man. I believe God is the only higher power for me to call on. My father died when I was two years old. I have also had several deaths in my family over the past five to ten years. I am happy God kept my mother alive. My mom had surgeries when I was young to the last surgery being in 2009. I feel happy that I was able to get my Bachelor’s degree but I decided I’d try to have a little career as a children’s book author. I was told I had a gift in the area of writing for children. I am going to be finishing up my course in the fall of 2020. I know if I focus on God and the blessings I have in my life I will be better off. I don’t want to be ungrateful because I have more than many other people I know. I have a nice bedroom with a lot of closet space for my clothes and I have my own bathroom and shower. I am happy for now. I want to take the next step and get a car and get my probationary license. I can drive unsupervised too once I get it after three months.