Author: TheAyeshaSite

One thing about me is I like to be able to just do what I enjoy and not have someone tell me what to do or how I should be. I was always kind of the girl that was bullied in school until recently I just felt like I could let go of the anger and kind of say “I’m not going to worry about the past and if I had past failures or hurts I am doing better. I am a work in progress and I can heal my life.” I really enjoy my job working as a Mentor and I’m going to a day program in Trenton called Oaks Integrated Care. I like it there so far. My first day was Monday. I feel like I need to assert myself more but I found my voice writing in a memoir writing class. I can see myself working on my issues at the program. Life is not easy but it’s not too hard either. I sincerely believe God doesn’t put more on me that I can bare. I believe in God. I’ve made it through some difficult times in my life. I lost loved ones. I don’t have that many supportive people I feel like I can trust.

I have lived with my mental illness since 1995. I was able to graduate from college and get a job at my alma mater Mercer County Community College as a Mentor in January 2016. I’ve been mentoring for a few years now. I enjoy mentoring so much. I have been doing a little better. I’m taking a new medication that is helping me. It’s a newer medication. I was taking Haldol because the advanced practice nurse that prescribed it thought maybe it would help with my voices. I hear voices and it’s really hard if my voices are mean and critical. NAMI has a hearing voices group now that I am going to try to get to one of these days. I have been involved with NAMI as a consumer for nine years almost ten years and to anyone who has a family member or a friend living with a mental illness make sure you see if you have a NAMI affiliate in your state and or surrounding town or city. NAMI is the best organization that I know of. I recommend NAMI for support groups, creating your own wellness recovery action plan and social groups for people 18 to 30 and 30 and over.

I’m a person that kind of stays in my own lane and just do the things I do. I admire certain people. I feel excited to be able to say my uncle works for Spike Lee the famous black filmmaker. Spike Lee recently got six Oscar nominations for Black Klansman his recent film. My uncle has worked for Spike Lee for over twenty years (I’m guessing). My uncle has his MFA in Film. I’m very proud of him. He has worked on just about every Spike Lee joint. I know my uncle is in his 50s. I feel proud of him as black man who has a non-traditional black story that is his own and makes him very cool.

Not getting into a certain school like my friend did that has had more successes than I did will not be something I focus on. I’ll just breathe and say today I’m going to celebrate my successes thus far and kind of just celebrate my life. I’m not angry about the past. The past was a mix of good and bad. I’m going to choose to focus on the good things the successes I had and not be too hard on myself. I’m going to a program in Trenton called Oaks Integrated Care. I start on Monday.

I feel so happy to be saying I’m a newbie writer. Having success with my blog puts a smile on my face even on a rough day. I love writing. I also love that people in other countries like the content on my blog. This is a huge blessing in my life that I don’t take for granted. All of my follwers on http://www.wordpress.com I want all 137 of my followers to know you all mean a lot to me. I’ve never had something like this happen to me before. It causes me to get really emotional. I just thank you all for following theayeshasite on wordpress.com and if we share ideas or content I want you all to know that you all inspire me too and I like each of your blogs also!

I need to take today to just clean up my room and my living space. I will probably do two or three loads of laundry. I might even cook dinner for myself and my parents. I like being helpful to my mother. I know she is at work today. I woke up and my mother had left for work early. I thought of my mother but I think she is probably busy at this moment. I am looking forward to the weekend. I promised a friend I’d meet her at the World Trade Center on Friday at noon. I will leave the house at 10 am tomorrow to meet a friend at noon. I need to call her tonight at 8 pm just to confirm I’ll see her tomorrow. I am looking forward to seeing my friend. She and I will play catch up talking about what we’ve both being doing since college.

I feel like my life is so much better as a non-smoker. I never realized how much better I feel free from the influence of smoking. I started to smoke because of peer pressure. I was not strong enough to speak up and say no thank you. If I was stronger I probably could have turned the person down who offered me a puff on a cigarette. Now I realized my voice was developed writing but I really never voiced much. Even when I cough I know that 20 years of smoking has affected me. I’ve been smoke free for almost 5 years to date. In July I’ll have my five year quit anniversary and I’m proud I can almost say that I’ve been smoke free for five years. WOW! I am stronger than I know I’m not crazy. I even lost almost 40 pounds on my own. Now I am focusing on eating healthier, drinking more water,and walking for exercise. I need cardio for my heart. I love being able to go outside in the summertime. I just need to be aware that I can’t be out for more than thirty minutes on my medications. I bought a few new dresses for summer and a nice one for back to work in the fall of 2019 at Mercer.

It has never been easy for me. Even as a child I had been bullied so badly by other kids and even kids that were older than I was. Being age 38 feels good though. My 30s are my best decade so far. I know this is a great time in my life for me to enjoy. I’m doing well. I am careful what I say to people. I want to be able to enjoy my life and celebrate my three blogging award nominations without people that don’t like me raining on my parade. This is my reason for not sharing my memoir with anyone but my memoir teacher and focusing on my blog and my book project. So many things are going my way. I want it that way. I have a feeling this cool fun thing called memoir writing is not easy for any writer.

I am so fortunate to have the things I have. I got special double wide shoes for myself. I had gotten certain shoes since I got my foot measured at an Easy Spirit store in Quakerbridge Mall in my mid-20s. I discovered that my feet are double wide width for the first time. When I wear comfortable shoes I feel so much better. My mom got me a pair of sandals that she bought on QVC made by a foot doctor. I also once purchased a pair of nice dark brown/black shoes by Dr. Scholl’s. I like the Hush Puppies shoe brand too. I also love Schechers and I recommend these shoes for ladies that are on their feet and want comfortable shoes or sandals for their feet. I used to cram my foot into tight shoes but no more. I have found the secret to happy feet and I had to share it.