TheAyeshaSite

I decided to go natural. I’m 38 years old. I’ve always used hair relaxers in my hair and I now realize I should have never used those chemicals in my hair. I decided to change it and to never use relaxers in my hair again but I love shampooing my hair and having my hair smell good. I have an appointment at Le Petite salon today at 3 pm. I will be getting my hair shampooed. My hair is almost all natural and I hope I’ll have a good shampoo and blow dry. I just need my afro trimmed and oiled. I am semi-vegetarian now too. I am on the chicken and seafood diet. I am eating healthier mostly salads and vegetables with protein and fresh bread.

I wrote a memoir and suddenly I felt like I had gotten emotions out that were hard for me to feel but the memoir writing process was great for me. So far I have over 223 pages and I even have three contained memoir pieces that are 10 -15 pages per piece each. I want to give my thanks to Edvige Giunta. Edi is such a wonderful person to have a student/writer relationship with. She cares about me and I care about and appreciate her. She is so cool the way she teaches memoir at NJCU and other English courses. I think it’s very cool how Edi has a syllabus that requires a Composition notebook to use as a process journal to write your pieces in.

I am compliant to treatment. I want to work on my illness. I am going to be transferred to an adult partial care program in Trenton called Oaks Integrated Care. I’m okay. I think I have a friend who may be there and I think if she and I are at the same program I’ll have a friend there and I can also make a few friends at this new program. I know I can use the program to learn coping skills and to work on my goals. I have a short term goal to learn how to drive and a long term goal to go back to school. I also want to finish writing and revising my memoir book project I’m working on with Edi Giunta.

Eleven p.m. is lights out in my house so I go to bed then and I put my head on my pillow and close my eyes and sleep. Sleep is my biggest trigger. If I don’t sleep it throws me off. I can’t function without being able to sleep 11 pm at night until 6 or 7 am. I feel rested even if I sleep until 7 am. I don’t like to take naps but I need to be able to get my beauty sleep. I know sleep is important to my health. I am at a partial care program right now called Hampton and I like it there. I feel happy to be waking up in time to get the van that comes to take me to program and to cook myself a breakfast too.

I was inpatient at Capitol Health in Trenton for two weeks. I had a good experience there. When I was leaving the hospital one of the staff members at the hospital said “Ayesha you did really well.” I always participated in the groups they had at the hospital. My hospital stay was not easy but the doctor that checked my blood pressure and my eco-cardiogram told me I am healthy. I lost weight in the hospital by making healthier choices. I always ate my veggies and tried to eat less. My weight is a concern for me. I want to get my weight down.

I had the worst relapse and I was hospitalized for almost two weeks. I just got out of the hospital on Thursday of last week. My mom and my stepfather Neil visited me but I was having symptoms but they both came to pick me up when I was discharged from Capitol Health in Trenton a short term care facility. I went before a judge and everything just before I got the news I was able to go home last Thursday. I’m at home in my room. I go to Hampton partial care program now too. I went today and I go tomorrow and Friday from 9 am to 3 pm. Monday was Memorial day so we had that day off.

I stepped out on faith one day and my whole life changed. I had made peace with my illness and in doing so I realized that I am okay and actually doing better than okay. I had been prayed for but I never had the personal walk with God my creator for myself. I went by things other people told me or said to me. Ever since I had an experience with God for myself where I was sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was real and there right beside me all the time I could really say “yes God is real I am sure of that beyond a shadow of a doubt for myself.

I’m still the same person. I am relateable. People say they remember me and that always feels good. I know I could’ve felt less happy being myself. That just isn’t true though. I guess I’m the exception to that rule. I feel really happy where I am doing what I’m doing. I’m 38 years old. I feel like I’m fine. I am working on a course to become a children’s book author. I always loved kids. I hope to be able to have a successful pregnancy by my early 40s. I haven’t given up on myself or on life. I’m excited to see what happens tomorrow and the next day taking it one day at a time.

I’m working on my children’s literature course from now until the end of the summer. I had a really good time at The Olive Garden yesterday with Just Friends social group. I was able to go out and be social and I even took a photo with two friends Lisa and Carey. I felt good to get out of the house and enjoy a nice time at The Olive Garden restaurant. I had a great time. I am going to be taking the basic driver examination permit test this Friday again. I am going to say a prayer and just go over the manual and take the test Friday morning at 11 am before I go to NAMI to set up for the annual 5K NAMI walk on the first Sunday in May. I’m looking forward to walking and enjoying the day at ETS where the annual NAMI 5K walk is held. I will be asking for all the prayers I can get to be able to pass the test this time and so I’m able to get a driving school to provide me with driving lessons that has a good reputation like Garden State Driving School. I want to learn from a driving school. My parent agreed to pay for my driving school this spring or summer.

I realize that I am responsible for my own happiness. I have been independent-minded since I was a child. I like to do things on my own. I feel better when I do things on my own from cooking a nice meal to taking a shower in the morning when I wake up before I leave for school or work. I like to do things a certain way on my own. I don’t want any assistance. I need help with organizing my clothes,with cleaning up my room and my bathroom. I have my own room with a lot of closet space and my own bathroom. I live with my parents in a beautiful new development for 55+ active adults in West Windsor, NJ. I find I prefer to live in community than live on my own. I have my parents in the house with me most of the time unless they go out, I go out or my mom goes to work. My step father is retired from his job. He’s in his mid-60s. My mom will be 60 in May.