TheAyeshaSite

I have New Year’s resolutions. I lost fifty pounds on my own. I try to drink more water. I am attempting to buy my first used vehicle on my 42nd birthday. I didn’t judge myself, and I started driving at almost 40 years old. I become eligible for a four-year auto driver’s license this April. I am welcoming all of the independence my driver’s license will afford me. I will always try to keep my license. I may buy a used SUV by the end of January 2023. I am going to celebrate my birthday in late January. For me getting older is not as scary. I got much more comfortable with myself as I got older. I’ll stay true to myself. I never make a big deal about things that are not that big of a deal. I like the woman I have become. The key to my adulthood is my license and my used SUV. I am a big girl. I can drive. My mom says I drive well too!

I want a car for Christmas but specifically a used SUV. I am a big tall lady. I want to make sure I appreciate my blessings. I want to give more than I take in relationships and friendships. I value my time on this earth. I have a difficult illness. I make sure I get sleep. I am up early at 5 am or 6 am most mornings. I got my parents, my friends, and close relatives Christmas gifts. I like the Christmas music on the radio. For me Christmas isn’t complete without Nat King Cole CDs and Mariah Carey’s Christmas CDs. I want to express gratitude to all my contacts and let them know I appreciate them. I need a used SUV to get around with. My budget is $10,000, but that’s okay it’s a start. Merry Christmas tomorrow everybody!

I am learning how to drive later in life. I have a driving lesson tomorrow. I am looking forward to it. I had a good Thanksgiving with my family yesterday. I helped my mom a little today by doing her laundry. I try to help my mom with chores and laundry. As her female child, she expects me to do that to help and I volunteer once a week to do laundry on Fridays or on weekends. I have gratitude toward my mom because she is my primary caregiver. I am a giver, not a taker. I always try to reimburse or pay back my mom or any other supporters. I never want to be the kind of person that takes more than I give. I am praying for a used car for Christmas. I am ready to get my first used vehicle in December or January. In January of 2023, I will be 42 years young! I look forward to my 42nd birthday.

Most of my life I have suffered from difficult symptoms of a mental illness. My illness is hard for me. Success with my writing endeavors was the one thing I am thankful to say I have had. I got my license older. I started driving at forty. I have not had one accident in almost two years of driving. I enjoy driving. I am 41. I will be 42 years old in January 2023. I am liking my life more. I try to save money for a rainy day. I am attempting to shop less. I used to do a lot of impulsive shopping. In my life I have a few social outlets.

I am trying to be more positive. I try not to let negative thoughts get to me. I am always at least reading a book a month for pleasure. I am thinking of joining a book club. I am celebrating my life but it is still rough. I am trying to grow from my experiences. In hard times I now say God you are so much bigger than all of my problems. The Lord made himself real to me one day. I had a Muslim father that died when I was a child. My mom believes in God. I pray and believe in God. God helped me to remain resilient. I had a supernatural peace wash over me one day on a day I felt sad and anxious and the peace that washed over me healed me. I always loved and appreciated the Lord for healing me. No one could care as much as God.

As a little girl, I was often bullied and teased a lot about having dark skin. I was always told I was “too black” or “too dark skin”. I remember being chosen last for a partner in gym class, and a lab partner for science class in high school. I feel good about myself in my early 40s but as a child, I was teased about my skin color mercilessly, and it was stressful for me as a child. I chose how I see myself as an adult. As a child, I was verbally abused a lot. I really like myself. I would not want to be like anyone else. I am really comfortable in my own skin. I like myself a lot. My illness didn’t take my positive self-image away. I try not to be too hard on myself. I was able to get to a good place. I made peace with my illness. I made peace with my past. I see myself as worthy of good things. However, I try not to get carried away with my spending. I am budgeting for my first used SUV. I am doing well. I slept well last night. My sleep is better. God healed me in my early 30s. I know God has good things in store for me.

As someone who had an early onset of mental illness, I remember my mental health unraveling during my sophomore year in high school. I thank God I had supportive parents and other people who offered me support. Though I am much older I am seeking more independence for myself. I want to get a used SUV by the end of this year. I want to start to budget more and spend less money. I have a good relationship with my parents. I live with my family. I try to reach out to relatives a few times a month. It was nice when someone suggested sending friend requests to family and people I socialize with in other social settings on Facebook. I am going on a driving lesson this Friday at 2:30 pm. I want my life. I have confidence in myself. I can do things!

I try to not have a lot of idle time on my hands. There is an expression that goes…Idleness is the devil’s playground. I try to not let too many impure thoughts get the best of me. I took the praxis core reading exam today this is my third attempt. I am praying I pass the exam. However, I will wait the specified amount of time three weeks before I go on ETS webpage. I will try to read a book and get halfway through the book in two or three weeks. I recently read a book by Pastor Joel Osteen’s newest book. You Are Stronger Than You Think. I get a lot of support from my mom, family, and friends. I try to help my mom do laundry and sometimes I cook. I try to let my mom know that she is appreciated. There was this song called Dear Mama that Tupac Shakur wrote that I liked because Tupac wrote a song for his mother Afeni Shakur. I think of how much my mom does for me that I try to show her appreciation and not demand she does more for me. I appreciate all of the kind things she did and she has always been supportive of me. Now that my parents are getting older I try to volunteer to do laundry and occasionally I cook for us.