Even with a difficult illness like schizoaffective disorder I have good days and bad days.

I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia early on in life. I called my mother once I had been placed on the young people’s unit at Friends Hospital in Philly. My mom worked with the school district of Philadelphia for almost 18 years. Now she has gone back to her job she had when I was a child. My mom is working as a nurse-midwife again. She had become a midwife when I was like eight years old but then around my ninth birthday she started dating my step father Neil. I feel proud of my mother but I wouldn’t want to do what she does. My 30s were a really happy time for me. It was around the first time in my life that I felt good about myself after having a supernatural peace wash over me one day while I was at AAMH program near where the vans pick us up to take us home. It was really the first time I felt at peace and less self conscious about the person I am. Once I felt that peace wash over me I knew I wasn’t alone in my struggles. God was also there and I had my parents too. I know my mom was protective over me and she was also a caring, loving parent too. People say that too. My mom is so nice and gentle and kind. I think maybe I get those traits from her. Friends say I’m really nice and easy going too. It always feels good especially when friends say positive things about me. I love to be able to support friends too. Here I am almost thirty nine years old. I’ll be thirty nine in three days. I’m even looking forward to my birthday. I feel happy to be alive. I don’t want to hurt myself but I have really strange hallucinations that I just don’t understand at all. I think it is my injured brain more than anything else. It’s a difficult illness to have SZ.