The moment I discovered that there was a God I wanted to be the best person I could be.

Sometimes life follows it’s own trajectory and other times you can plan life but believe me no one can plan their lives. Things happen and we kind of just have to keep going and decide what we should do from where we are. I always felt like the things I chose to study even in community college were because of my own desire to become a writer and a teacher. I had classes I retook when I was in community college but when I was encouraged to take no more than two classes at a time I discovered with my illness it was hard for me to take on or two courses at a time. I had anxiety attacks but I knew God was there when I felt a diving peace wash right over me. I know God understands what I have struggled with since I initially became mentally ill but the peace I made with my illness indicated to me that God was always there. I was sure of the existence of God. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was more to life. I started living on purpose. I refused to isolate myself. I had the experience of being nominated for four blogger awards and I thought to myself that made me smile. I really needed to go through certain things to make it to where I am now my 30s. You need perspective in life. I’m 39 years old right now and all I can think of is how far I’ve come and helping my mom out who is really the only person I experience unconditional love with. I also saw my pride in myself as one reason to remember the people God put in my life that made my 30s my happiest decade yet. Even when I was an eight or nine year old girl many of the kids didn’t like me. I always got compliments like you have a pretty name or you have lovely hands but for girls my complexion things they would say would be different and I came to understand that they really liked me enough to compliment me as a little black girl they even said was good looking I just found it harder in some ways but the moment I started liking myself I knew something had changed that may have been really hard for me before.